I like the idea that you are trying to convey across with this poem, however using the word 'where' in lines straight after one another is a bit strange.
Also I am trying to work out if you are trying to rhyme in the whole poem or not, because you tend to start off that way, but then it seems to disappear.
I think that you are on the right track with this poem, but I think you need to decided what style of poem you are writing...
(Im sorry if thats to harsh, I am just trying to be honest, without being mean. I understand what you mean when you say you want critcism... its so hard to find on this site.)
I look forward to reading more of your work, I've added you a fav author :p
Author's response
Yea, thanks. I don't feel like anyones ever really honest with me about my stuff, they just always say its really good and that doesn't really help. But I'll definatly think of that in the future :]