First, I really liked your fic.
Second, I'm spanish, so I thought that maybe you'll like if I told you about those sentences: "dónde usted puso mi camisa" should be "dónde puso usted mi camisa" (in south-america) or "dónde pusiste mi camisa" (in spain);
"Doy para arriba", "Doy" is like "give" so I'm asuming that you are meaning to say "I'm going upstairs" or something similar, in which case it should be: "Voy para arriba" (I suposse this is just a mistake while you were writing on the computer);
and finally: "Usted tiene que aprender confiar en a gente otra vez, Maria. No es el ser sano un ermitaño" it may be better: "Usted tiene que aprender a confiar en la gente otra vez, Maria" (south-america)/"Tienes que aprender a confiar en la gente otra vez, Maria" (spain) "No es sano ser ermitaño" (althoug instead of emitaño it could be huraño, which is somebody who is not confortable around people and prefers to be alone).
Well, I hope that you update soon.