(#) Misk 2006-10-08
This story is great! I would love to be a helpful reviewer and say things like, "This paragraph could be improved by..." but I think the whole darn thing is very good, so all I can do is gush. :-) Well, perhaps I can ask if it would do any harm if you indicated Winry's age earlier in the story? I wasn't quite sure how to picture her, so I was thinking of her as older than she was, which put a different spin on my understanding of her reactions at the door, and Pinako's motivations. So that would be the only thing I'd wonder about.