"One thousand invisible bludgers that are also on fire." Lol!
You probably haven't gotteb to my previous review yet, but the thing about paragraphs starting within quotation marks is still a problem up to this point.
The Firebolt was made sometime in 1993, judging from the fact that Lucius bought the Slytherin team the fastest, newest brooms ("prototype" Nimbus 2001s) in Harry's second year and that when Harry was in Diagon Alley while staying at the Leaky Cauldron before his third year he saw the brand-new Firebolt in the Quidditch shop display window. This means that Harry could not have been riding a Firebolt in 1990.
This is a pretty minor thing, but I can't see Ron saying "May I/we blah blah blah?", he's not that formal/mannered/whatever it is. I believe he would say "Can I/we blah blah blah?"