Review for Chronique of Rebirth

Chronique of Rebirth

(#) Bitter-Irony 2006-10-18 02:01:08 PM

Great opening, both the chapter as a whole and the first paragraph. It really dropped us right in the middle of the action, with a unique character and interesting setting.

There were a few grammar errors, mostly lack of coma. "That's my question[,] too", etc.

Another thing I noticed was a seeming logical falicy. "Then he showed me up two of his "hands", I bowed my head on the side, for an unknown reason." If the character doesn't know what "hands" are, how does he know what a "head" is? How does he know what "sky" and "man" and "wet" are?

Nice cliff-hanger at the end!

Keep up the good work, Arisu-Chan!

~Bitter Irony

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