Review for A long journey's end

A long journey's end

(#) Bitter-Irony 2006-10-18 02:17:32 PM

This viewpoint character is excellent--the reader sympathizes with her immediately. Most of your exposition fit in naturally (the second paragrpah squeeze a little bit), and the interactions between your characters were excellent. You missed a few comas, mostly in dialouge. Ex: "What's wrong[,] my friend?" Other than that, I didn't catch any grammar errors.

Keep up the good work!
~Bitter Irony

Author's response

Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I'll try and fix the errors you pionted out.

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