(#) Haze 2012-02-26
The writing and the story are pretty good, but I do have one big problem, and it's the glaring anachronism with the homosexuality. I personally have zero issue with it, but you've set it in an era where homosexuality was considered not only a cardinal sin, but a severe mental disorder; people could and routinely did get locked up if they were so much as suspected of being homosexual. Not to mention, of course, the lynchings and murders.
So when you've got openly gay characters in the 1950s, you have to consider what the attitudes toward it were back then. Especially among gang members; Ray definitely wouldn't have kidded Frank for the "pretty men" he was interested in, he would have knifed or shot him. People were ignorant and scared in that time, and you would have done better to reflect that.
Other than that, it wasn't bad; I just couldn't get past the historical disconnect.
- Haze
Author's response
I did actually do some research into homosexuality in the 1950's as well as being a psycholody student, and am aware that a) it was considered a mental disorder and that b) Ray would of been very susceptable to be really homophobic.
Had I written Ray like that though, it would of been completely out of character for him (present day), as well as kind of ruining the story. I could of written it as them sneaking around, but then it wouldn't of suited how I wrote Gerard or Frank either. So I decided to skirt around it a little bit. Okay, I decided to completely ignore it.
But, y'know, this shit never happened. Also, I pretty much hate this particular oneshot as it's my first, and I'm kind of considering rewriting it.
But I'm glad you liked the writing, even if my complete lack of historical authenticity irritated you.