FicWad

It's all critique, remember that.

1. Length, the story isn't long at all, even if it's just a chapter.

2. Sentence structure, add a few detail words and it'll give the story more depth.

3. Spelling, I see a few things wrong, like remembre and themselfs.

4. Grammar and punctuation, there should be capitals on I, names, and at the beginning of every sentence. Also where you place the dialogue is important.

5. Descriptiveness. The story is short and plain, lengthen the story by adding describing words and writing about small details to capture the reader in to the story.

It's a good start, but could be better, but follow these simple critiques and it should be good to go.