FicWad: fresh-picked original and fan fiction

I was walkin' through the city streets
And a man walks up to me and hands me the latest energy drink
"Run faster, jump higher"
Man, I'm not gonna let you poison me

I threw it on the ground
You must think I'm a joke
I ain't gonna be part of your system
Man! Pump that garbage in another man's veins

I go to my favorite hot dog stand
And the dude says, "You come here all the time! Here's one for free."
I said, "Man! What do I look like? A charity case?"

I took it and threw it on the ground!
I don't need your handouts!
I'm an adult!
Please!
You can't buy me hot dog, man!

At the farmer's market with my so called girlfriend
She hands me her cell phone, says it's my dad
Man, this ain't my dad!
This is a cell phone!

I threw it on the ground!
What, you think I'm stupid?
I'm not a part of your system
My dad's not a phone!
DUH!

Some poser hands me cake at a birthday party
Whatcha want me to do with this? Eat it?

Happy birthday to the ground!
I threw the rest of the cake, too!
Welcome to the real word, jackass!

So many things to throw on the ground
Like this, and this, and that, and even this
I'm an ADULT!

Two Hollywood phonies try to give me their autograph
GROUND!
Nobody wants your autograph, phonies!

Then the two phonies got up
Turned out they had a taser
And they tased me in the butthole

Fell to the ground
The phonies didn't let up
Tasin' on my butthole over and over

I was screamin' and squirmin'
My butthole was on fire
The moral of the story is

You can't trust the system

Man!