FicWad: fresh-picked original and fan fiction

this chapter is less ambiguous than the other and properly informed the reader of the psyche and physical traits of the protagonist. it introduced his lifestyle and his general demeanor seamlessly. the way you wrote his fear of the situation was very descriptive, and I was surprised by the emotion in it.

Constructive criticism (this is me simply suggesting changes to make it more appealing to the eye palate): “I wasn´t used to be kept waiting.” could either be “I am not used to being kept waiting,” or “I wasn’t used to being kept waiting,” and
“Judging from what I saw in the mirror I could really use to have my eyebrows plucked again though.” could either be “Judging from what I saw in the mirror I could really use getting my eyebrows plucked again though.” or “Judging from what I saw in the mirror I could really go for getting my eyebrows plucked again.”

kudos. I’m loving this “serious” side of your writing. i'm hooked

:) Thank you for pointing out that I can get my points across if I just put a bit of work into my writing. MAJOR THANKS for the correction of my bad grammar. I can´t believe I didn´t go for the gerund verb forms in those two sentences. I´m a gerund freak usually. No clue why I didn´t think of that. I mean those sentences did sound weird to me and I just couldn´t put my finger on why. So thanks. I corrected those mistakes. I should be embarrassed but I´m just grateful for having learned something. Something that I should already know, but oh well. ;) I´m counting on your comments and suggestions on my language use in the further chapters as I think that inappropriate formulating could really have a far more negative effect on a serious story like this one than on The Bass Files, for instance. Your fault for coming off as an intellectual, Crystal. Now you´re my beta. ;) Thanks for the r&r. I´m glad this thing´s got you hooked like me. :) (And UPDATE FREAKING SOON, Tru Dat Girl!)