Review for One-Shot for Penina

One-Shot for Penina

(#) HoneyImMagical 2013-01-02 08:46:21 PM

Since you want it...

It needs more detail. This will help add length and more imagery. For instance, maybe you could write a little bit about Frank's day at work, then lengthen out the before and during sex scene.

Also, a bit of better word choice would help :)

I hope you don't think I sound bitchy or something, it's just something I noticed.

Here's an example:

http://www.ficwad.com/story/30491

Author's response

yeah,I know I had to do that..

I only didn't do that cuz my parents could easily find out about this,and I'd get into trouble,cuz I'm 13 and stuff..

Right,I can remember that tip.Add more detail.Got it.

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