Review for One-Shot for Penina
(#) HoneyImMagical 2013-01-02 08:46:21 PM
It needs more detail. This will help add length and more imagery. For instance, maybe you could write a little bit about Frank's day at work, then lengthen out the before and during sex scene.
Also, a bit of better word choice would help :)
I hope you don't think I sound bitchy or something, it's just something I noticed.
Here's an example:
I only didn't do that cuz my parents could easily find out about this,and I'd get into trouble,cuz I'm 13 and stuff..
Right,I can remember that tip.Add more detail.Got it.
There was much more to 'The Epilogue' than was shown in Book 7.
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Important message in chapter four. Please read it.
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