Review for My Heart Attack In Black Hair Dye

My Heart Attack In Black Hair Dye

(#) Terrehbau5 2013-03-16

I'm about to give you some CC so, prep up.
You need to be really mindful of your spacing. Spaces come after periods and comas. sentences don't look like this.because that's like,really hard to read.
You need to be more descriptive in your writing.
And this goes without reading any other chapter, but this character is a Mary Sue.

Not trying to be rude. Just letting you know.

Also, you pretty much copied that whole "About 3 things i was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was a part of him, and i didnt know how dominant that part might be, that thirsted for my blood. And third, i was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him" thing from Twilight. Changing the name from Edward to Gerard and paraphrasing is still plagiarism, and to be honest, I'm not about to read a fic that mimics Twilight.