Rather clear and fluid in it's progression, easily understood.
You included sensory details. That's difficult to remember, and something not many people notice, but it helps add more richness to the mental picture of the story.
Good grammar, no spelling errors, usage of paragraphs.
This may seem like small stuff but it's a really good foundation.
While waking up with amnesia can be somewhat overused as a beginning, you managed to make it work alright.
At the very least, you've made me care enough to offer a review and take further interest in how this story goes- That's good.
Author's response
Why, thank you.
Yeah, the amnesia thing... I was worried about it's use, but in the end I'll have it be justified. Doesn't make me feel all that much better, but there's actually a reason for it, so... Bah.
I appreciate the interest, I was worried about writing in this new style which is very different from what I usually use... It's pretty bare-bones in it's description, but with fast paced dialogue. So, the opposite of how I tend to write.
Anyway, I appreciate the review, hopefully the story works out.
Ciao,
TallTales