Okay, let me split this review up into the negatives and the positives.
/The Positives:/
-No self-insert, I like that.
-Good use of lyrics.
-Moral; good moral.
-You know the songs.
/The Negatives:/
-I wouldn't exactly call Danny 'middle aged'. Middle aged is, like, 50-60.
-'Boner pill' isn't the most eloquent way of stating the effects of the pill that she slipped him. You could've said something like 'sexual stimulant' or something like that.
-AA are more a post-hardcore band.
-Some of the language was a bit awkward.
-Danny wouldn't know what she had slipped him.
-One does not just get up and run out of an ambulance.
If I had to give it a score out of ten, it'd be around a 6, 6.5.
Author's response
Yeah.
I know the language was awkward as fuck, but I was panicking because I'd planned for this to be a two-shot but my mind was like 'no it shall be a oneshot'. And, with the fact he got up and ran from the ambulance, it looked like he did in the music video.
with the 'boner pill', it was for comedy sake.
And, to me, Danny looked middle aged in the video.
major facepalm