ang. second member of the DoJ to post a review. CRYSTAL! i just want to be first once, okay? just let me have number one one time. ( i only say this because you're wlays the first to review my chapters, and i assume it's sort of a goal of yours. it's a good goal, though.)
well. this, once again, has got me amazed. the level of seriousness in this story makes for a very inteelegent read. way to go.
also, props on your ability to write in first person, as pete. anytime you write as him, i'm amazed. they're always things i can truly imagine him thinking. so, you've got that down to an art.
i love the sincerity of his conversation about laura. she really seems to be 'that girl' for him, and he has so much humanity ( or at least, more than i ever would have assumed) when he is undergoing laura related nostalgia.
My, time flies when you´re being dead.
i kind of laughed at this line. i don't know if that's what you were going for, but really. i laughed. hard.
i like how he refers to hell as 'burning lava and a red bastard with a pitchfork.' good analogy. (would that be an analogy? i'm sorry. i just didn't pay attention to literary devices in high school. or ever.)
all in all. i'm very pleased with this story, and i wish you would update it...oh, you know, now. that would fabulous.
hey, by the way. get a buzznet, alex. really. succumb to the internet personals location known as buzznet, just like the rest of the DoJ girls. well, most of them.
Obviously I am a first-person writer anyways. I guess it´s the easiest to try to get into Pete´s head because that guy´s ALL OVER THE INTERNET with a gazillion of blogs, journals and what-have-yous. ;) Thank you for the praise on the Wentzianism nonetheless. :)
As the story progresses more light will be shed on Laura and her relationship with/ effect on Pete. I kinda wanted readers to chuckle about the "My, time flies when you´re being dead." I just can´t do completely without humor, even though this story is meant to be serious. But it´s more of a cynical, sad kind of humor so that works, I guess. Also, I think it´s truly Wentzian. ;)
Not really an analogy, I guess, but something like... maybe a symbol kind of thing. I´m not gonna say metaphor because Hell/ Satan are pictured like that as a cliché. (And don´t worry, I can never work out the meter in a poem. ;))
Buzznet... You know what, I´ll do that right now. Blah. *BIG FAT DoJ blah*