Review for The End or Perhaps, the Beginning
The End or Perhaps, the Beginning
(#) yojorocks 2007-01-23 01:44:18 PM
Very interesting idea; I enjoy how Harry is confused as to his age and what parts of his history are real, but in my opinion he recovered a bit too fast.
Being upset over the murder of his pet and murdering the blood traitors is a nice start, but you need to continue that confusion outside the Chamber. Having him do something simple, like getting halfway to the Slytherin dorms before realizing that his stuff was in Griffyndor, or having him glance at his picture album and look at his father and mother for the first time, would have made it much more potent. Right now it seems as though he is much more Tom than Harry as soon as he exits the chamber, and although you can argue that this is valid (16 years worth of memories versus 12), it shouldn't be quite that overly invasive without something else happening. Harry is just as persistant and headstrong as Voldemort is ruthless, so the two halves getting along with each other so quickly is a bit of a stretch.
Perhaps Harry uses Tom's feeble forays into occlumency to organize his mind and therefore gave dominate control to the part that tried to figure out what the hell was going on. Regardless, superb start. Keep up the good work!
Being upset over the murder of his pet and murdering the blood traitors is a nice start, but you need to continue that confusion outside the Chamber. Having him do something simple, like getting halfway to the Slytherin dorms before realizing that his stuff was in Griffyndor, or having him glance at his picture album and look at his father and mother for the first time, would have made it much more potent. Right now it seems as though he is much more Tom than Harry as soon as he exits the chamber, and although you can argue that this is valid (16 years worth of memories versus 12), it shouldn't be quite that overly invasive without something else happening. Harry is just as persistant and headstrong as Voldemort is ruthless, so the two halves getting along with each other so quickly is a bit of a stretch.
Perhaps Harry uses Tom's feeble forays into occlumency to organize his mind and therefore gave dominate control to the part that tried to figure out what the hell was going on. Regardless, superb start. Keep up the good work!
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