(#) hojo 2006-05-08
Overall, I thought this was a very strong and original story. I loved your characterization of Ultimecia, and I thought your Seifer was very believable.
As for writing children, I agree that it's really hard. There's a couple places where Seifer's monologue feels awkward -- most especially, to me, where he realizes how childish his dreams are. Not because he does so, obviously, but I think it's because of the way he describes them.
On the other hand, I did very much feel that it wasn't all his thoughts, and I was glad to get to the note at the end and find out I wasn't reading too much into it. ^_^
Mostly my advice on writing kids is just to let the voice be as clear as you can get it and then have a really good beta who's familiar with kids. Hope this helps, and I loved the story.