Review for Flies

Flies

(#) sanguineus 2006-05-14 09:54:30 PM

I liked it a lot, but the part where Julia goes into stream of consciousness kinda messes up the flow of the story--I mean, it's neat, almost clinical, but the SOC is a little sloppy. Like, I know that sounds weird to say, but if you shape so it more resembles thoughts, I think it would improve the overall tone of the fic.

Because I do like it a lot, and even if it's mean to portray how wild and afraid she is under the surface--how unchecked her emotions are, I think you could give it a little structure.

I love Vicious.

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