(#) Rous 2006-06-01
Aside from the need for punctuation, this leaves me...well, wanting more. It has some nice imagery to it, but little substance. "The wind slowly..." yet "the air rushes..." Kind of a contradiction here. There is little flow. And your ending just hangs there. Again, with some work, this could be very nice.
Thank you for sharing.
Author's response
Thanks for the comment and suggestions!