(#) facia 2007-04-04
I like the writing of this chapter a lot more than the last. That one was technically good and skilled, but kind of a pain to read anyway. This chapter is far smoother, and the ongoing metaphors were perfectly integrated. I liked the squirtle being stone and calm...oftentimes people fall into the trap of typecasting. Squirtle may be water types, but with their shell and speed, yeah, stone's a better way of looking at it.
I almost rolled my eyes at the bit about girls not being good trainers, but loved the way Melamine responded and the way you handled her character. All of the characters are great, really.
Author's response
Thank you. The first chapter was, well, the first chapter. I don't want to think about how long ago it was written. It carried with it a lot of my dislike for Mary-Sue trainers who start off so happy and spunky. I should probably correct the errors it contains, and the awkward phrasing and dialog. I only had a general idea of how the characters would turn out, and if you look carefully you'll see some inconsistency in back story, especially for Chris. I'm hoping to make things more believable as I'm writing.
You liked Wash Pot's response? I was worried about that scene. Dear Alexis is a misogynist, from Johto which only has one "decent" female gym leader (Whitney is a bugger to beat, but I can't ever seem to take her seriously when I write her), so the comment was fitting for his circle of experience, which is not great. However, I felt that everything was too pat and perfect with the verbal attack and defense. It's hard to remember that Wash Pot is supposed to be ten years old, and write her that way.