i dunno...
i think your idea is good, but the chapters end too short, there is not enough detail, it is just kinda...bleh. i think making the chapters longer will help.
although, i must say i really do love the idea. it is kinda different. It reminds me of a john waters movie =D (Crybaby- johnny depp)
Author's response
thanks for the pointers. I'm trying to make em longer but them 2 chapters were just to get something up, ya know?
I've never seen the movie. don't really like Johnny Depp.