Review for you can keep my brother

you can keep my brother

(#) jerseygirlxx 2007-05-05 04:52:13 PM

This line sounds funny:"She doesn't let you go to the concert, isn't she?".

try she wont let you..will she

or she isnt going to let you.... will she?

I loved the part in the last chap when you said the show starts at 19:00 ! Where are you? definatly not jersey! I was like what time? oh 7pm! lol!

But seriously last chapter with re write was good. I like how threw in that other stuff and now you tied it in this chap with that line about if you knew what she said about you!

Im actually surpised Sky is 17. In the first few chaps I figured her to be younger... It makes the story a little sweeter though... First kiss at 17! Awww! And the married bit... Hey she could be married at 18 (I was!)... why would that make her 25? It was real sweet though. It made it sound like ( well in my imagination anyway) that Gee mustve been looking at her adoringly for the woman to think that they were so much in love and married... Im assuming you didnt write that part about his adoring looks at her cause this is from Skys p.o.v and she didnt notice them and not cause youre skimping on details again!!lol!!---- now about these cookies....----xoxo

Author's response

haha i'm not skimping on details, i swear!!

sky is a bit naive, childish and overall a bit awkward when it comes to romance..gerard liked her for years and she never noticed, guys notice her in a certain way, yet she believe she's masculine and not attractive.
i'm worried now that i failed to convey her shy and childish nature in the story..but maybe i actually succeeded because you believed her to be younger...

i fixed the things you pointed out, thank you so much!. your reviews always really helpful!
oh about the age things, it's just that usually people believe that 18 is young for marriage, and well i had to upset Skyler somehow...
its quite off topic but i think it's sweet you got married young, i love YOUNG married couples. they always so adorable!

p.s passing a virtual cookie

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