I have a couple things to say:
1. Try grammar. The plot is a good one, but it would help if we(the readers)could understand it a bit better
2. Capitalization "I Won't Let Them Hurt You" not "I wont let them hurt you" It looks neater that way.
otherwise, good story!
Thank you for the criticism (I'm not being sarcastic either!) I'll try to improve on my grammer and stuff! ^^