Gerard makes a hard decision
His head pounded and his breath tasted of the bottom of an ashtray, plus he was thirsty enough to drink a river dry, he got up and fumbled his way to the bathroom, noticing as he went that he was the only one there.
He gulped down about 5 glasses of water and returned to his bunk, daylight didn’t seem a good idea right now, his thoughts returned to the night before, he was drunk beyond belief, all he could remember was throwing up in a cab and Ray looking at him in pure disgust, he figured he got rescued by the boys as he always did, he owed them his life, they pulled though for him on many an occasion, he had a feeling this was going to be a bad day, he would no doubt have a good telling off from all of them, but now he was just enjoying the cold pillow against his warm cheek and the dozy feeling that was taking over him.
He opened his eyes and realised he had fallen asleep again, looking at his watch he saw he’d been out for another 2 hours, the bus was eerily quiet, so he got up to investigate where everyone was.
He enter the living room area which was abandoned, he went over to the fridge and poured himself a glass of milk, he kind of liked it like this, at least no one was shouting at him, and telling him how disappointed in him they were. He decided to get his art pad out, he was feeling inspired and he wanted to get his ideas on paper , funny how he always wanted to draw after a wild night, almost as if it awakened his creative side, he did some of his best work while coming down from something, be it drugs or alcohol, although that side of his life was behind him now, he had been trying to find something healthier to bring out the artist in him ever since being sober, but nothing came close.
After an hour of sketching nothing in particular his concentration was disturbed by the sound of the bus door opening, he looked up and was greeted with Franks solemn face.
“Good night Gerard”?, Frank asked with a hint of sarcasm
“I’m sorry, I know it was wrong, just kinda got outta hand”, he stated trying to sound sincere and apologetic
“Well, it’s a good job Nick knew where you were otherwise we might never have found you”, he crossed his arms in front of his chest and frowned
Great now Nick was some sorta hero, fucking fantastic Gerard thought to himself
Gerard didn’t say anything he knew whatever he said would just fuel Frank into a 2 hour lecture about being a good influence on the fans and how many people he had let down, he just sat with a naughty schoolboy look on his face.
“You were doing so well Gerard, what the hell possessed you to do that shit”, Franks face fell and tears threatened his eyes
Gerard felt true remorse for the first time since it had happened, to him it was just a slip that he desperately needed, that he wouldn’t do again in a hurry, but he realised his friends wouldn’t quite see it like that, they would be worried he was headed down that slippery slope again, he never meant to make them worry like that, he just didn’t think.
“Frank I promise it wont happen again, it was just a temporary setback”, Gerard prayed Frank would believe him but he knew it wasn’t going to be that easy.
“Gerard I cant watch you go thought that again, whatever is driving you to do this, sort it out now”!, Frank demanded as a fresh tear fell down his pale cheek, he turned and left quickly obviously so he wouldn’t break down in front of Gerard.
Gerard felt like he had been hit with a ton of bricks, what the hell was he doing? The guys had had enough of seeing him in a mess to last two lifetimes, the repercussions of what he did last night were coming back to bite him in the butt big-time, he was disgusted with himself and what was worse he knew he had another 4 band mates to deal with who would no doubt take the same view as Frank, and then he had to face Kelli, this was going to get a hell of a lot worse before it got better.
4 hours later and Gerard was receiving another ear battering from Mikey who was most affected by Gerard’s actions
“You gotta promise me that’s it, no more Gerard”, he said with his hands firmly on his hips
“Look im really sorry bro, it wont happen again”, this was like the 50th time of apologising today,but he didn’t mind so much he knew he deserved it.
“If this is about Kelli, just fucking tell her before I do”, Mikey threatened with his eyes wide.
Gerard’s heart plummeted, would Mikey really do that? Hell yeah he would!
“Mike ill tell her when im ready, I just need to get my head straight”, added Gerard with his head hung low
“If that how you get your head straight, I suggest you don’t bother”, said Mikey
“Jesus Mike what am I gonna do”? Gerard said as he felt the sting in the back of his eyes and everything went blurry as wet tears formed in his hazel eyes, his face screwed and he choked on his words as he finished them, he could no more fight breaking down in front of his brother as he could stop the world turning.
Mikey joined his brother on the sofa sitting down next to him, he put one arm around his sobbing brother in an attempt to comfort him.
“Geez Gerard does she mean that much to you”? Mikey asked softly
“She means everything to me, im so fucking in love with her I cant see straight”, Gerard managed to get out in-between sobs.
“Just tell her man, at least you’ll know one way or the other, you cant keep doing this to yourself”, Mikey added rubbing Gerard’s shoulder with his hand. He hated seeing Gerard in this state.
“I can’t, id lose her completely, besides I bet she thinks im a total screw up now”, Mikey handed him a tissue.
“You need to talk to her about everything, she wouldn’t do anything to hurt you, she’s worried about you, if you shut her out, your just gonna drive her away”, Mikey said trying to give his brother some wisdom.
“Yeah I guess, its just so fucking hard”, Gerard said calming down, and wiping his eyes
“You want me to go get her?, now’s as good a time as any”, asked Mikey expectantly wanting this resolved A.S.A.P.
Gerard contemplated, did he have the strength to do it now? Before he could think too hard he felt his head nod as if by itself, looks like it was now or never.