Harry's last words to the family that might have been
A/N Yes I know this is short, but it was meant to be short. Inside this is forms of Weasley bashing and crude jokes you have been warned. So enjoy.
Ronald Weasley and the Family of Betrayers
I hope that this letter reaches you with a feeling of good spirits and cheerful tidings. I want to thank you for everything that you and your family have done for me over the years. I truly feel that I would not be the person that I am today if it was not for you all generously let me in to your home all those years ago. I have wanted to say these things to your family for some time and I always wondered when the best time would be to bring up the questions I have. So here you are in the Minister's Office more than likely desperately trying to get that law Hermione and I erected three years ago to work for you. I'm even positive that you have bribed the members of Wizengamot to really push for the right to claim my birthright. I just thought you should know that your attempts are futile. If you are reading this letter than it means that you have to talk to somebody else to get the gold to make your family rich.
In reading this form of the letter you will receive nothing. For even if I ordered Pansy to give your sister up, it was for the greater good. You should be proud your whore of a sister and daughter actually achieved something in death that I am positive she would have disgrace in life. I have let myself divert the attentions of this piece of the letter to a mention for the later part. Your family's plan will not work since my name is Harry. That is right Harry, there is no Potter or Black anywhere near my name as I have been a disgrace to my families and removed as punishment. So if you want you can have the rights to everything in my private vault. Inside you will find my hand me downs and a unique collection of memories. I figure that the clothes might go for something as they belonged to me, but what I really want to talk to you about is the little glass vials. They hold inside of them little touches of hospitality that the Weasley family has ever given me.
For the first one it shows me being beaten by my cousin on the day my first letter came. The second vial shows me having to drag you to save Hermione. The third shows a moment farther in time. It shows you breaking me out of bedroom in the summer before second year. Another vial shows Dumbledore and Charlie charming the bag to give me the meanest dragon in the contest. The next shows the twins hexing me to give them the winnings of the tournament. I have a giant collections of vials that show your darling Ginevra's exploits through out her fourth year and up. I will admit with those I could never have to buy a porno again if the mood struck me. Your sister wasn't picky mate male, female, or animal. Some for money and some for pleasure. I thank what ever god was looking out for me the day she offered to get on her hands and knees right there in the deserted corridor. Lets move on to the darling curse breaker of the family. Bill is one of the stupidest fucks I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. How can a man about to marry one of the most beautiful women in the world lay with a cheap whore on the eve of his wedding just because he was horny and the honeymoon was a night away.
Now I am a reasonable person. Truly I am. I have all those lovely memories and more, but here is the deal. I won't use them or have them sent out depending on if you follow my terms. I maybe dead, at this point I'm not sure, but I will not allow you to hurt my family. I will have a word with you all and than you will sign a contract and swear an oath to my terms or there will be hell to pay.
First person first. In fact with start with family member that has effected me the least first. Percy, you're a well to be honest I don't know. You really only hurt me for your job so congratulations your just a sheeple with insecurity issues. And you wonder why Penny left you. Look in the mirror one day and ask you would want to marry you, hell just touch you ether. I know I wouldn't, but that is me. Moving on...
Bill you and Charlie equal out in the who pissed Harry off more meter, but you can go first. One I sent that memory of you and the whore to your wife and year and a half ago. If you have been wondering why you haven't been getting any and are suffering a sever case of blue balls that lead to more whores well lets just say that never piss off a Veela. They may take the appearance of a quick and unplanned revenge schemer, but they can take their time when they want to. I think she has had her fill though so in a few days you should be served divorce papers and your job termination papers as well. See goblins take things like dishonoring marriage vows serious and that makes you untrustworthy have fun looking for a job. I wonder how you fill being the first Weasley in over two centuries to have you marriage end in something other than death. You must be proud. P.S. in the future you might want to make sure that the women you sleep with can't be enticed with a few pieces of gold to give up their memories of your infidelities. P.S.S. You might want to learn how the shag as well every woman I talked to said you were like a gunshot and never did your job right. What happened to the Weasley fertility and sex magic rumors or did you just get the short end of the stick.
Charlie!!!! Incase you didn't know that means I was screaming your name. You tried to kill me. I'm not positive you meant to, but actions speak louder than words. I hope one of your little pets decides you're a better looking meal than a handler.
George and Fred, the two who in the end I thought would never turn on me. Yet you did. I hope that you have paid your taxes and filed correctly. I'm calling a final prank as your partner, a goblin audit. Its all in good business sense mates. Just looking out for my investment you know. For a piece of good news I hear Zonko's will buy you out at a fair price.
Ronald. I don't know anything to say to you, but stay away from Hermione and Luna. You would be surprised what a little money in the hands of a Goblin squadron that helps them conceive things I am willing to do to you. This is not a warning or a threat. They have wards on them that when you get with in a hundred meters and you will not like it.
Molly and Arthur you hurt me the worst. I had hoped that you would have treated your own family better, but in the end they all were just a way to improve yourselves. Of course I am sure that you had Albus's approval for a few of the things. Like the potions that I was under my sixth year. Yes I know all about them. I wonder do you feel proud to know that you basically raised your daughter to be a breeding machine for a boy that you had never met. Is that why I have so many different vials of Ginny time in this collection. Was that you Molly raising your daughter to be able to keep me after our first time. Or was it you Arthur waiting for your own chance at her after she gave it a way to so many different wizards and witches. Were you both proud of the little walking sexual encyclopedia your raised. I had always wondered when you started her training. Of course if this ever got out you would say something stupid like Tom made her change after her first year, but I'm calling you on it. The Dursley's may have been horrible guardians to me, but at least they never damaged Dudley to the degree you did your own children. You know what you make me sick all of you. So I'm done.
Here are the terms you must live by unless you want this all these vials to go public. Know this you are never allowed to touch them. Go ahead and try to destroy them I made plenty of extras.
Term One: Stay away from the Potters and the Blacks. I may not be family anymore, but I take care of my own don't even try my patience on this.
Term Two: Never make any kind of claim that even in the smallest way can bring a bad light on my former families.
Term Three: Live a long and miserable life. I want you all to wallow in the guilt that you could have been great. All it would have taken was truly caring for a hurt and abused little boy.
Thank is all I have to say to you traitors. Sure there is more, but I will not waste my time on you anymore. You do this and I swear on magic form the moment you sign this contract as a family nothing in this room will be forwarded with out lack of evidence of terms broken.
Harry (formerly Potter-Black)
P.S. If you can see this I suggest you look out for the Prophet today since it has a interesting article.
End Note: well I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Leave your thoughts if it strikes you, if not oh well. I have decided that I'm going to keep this as a chapter not an omake. Later everyone.