The painful murder of certain HP characters from the POV of others, starting with the first death of Ron Weasley...
WARNING: extremely violent. Involves incapacitation, Ron burning, and a seemingly sexual situation.
"Hey, guys!" Ron said as he approached Harry and me. He always shows up at the worst possible moments. We sigh and get up. We had been on the roof, and we were just about to- well, you don't really want to hear that. "Its time for dinner, come on, or we'll be late!"
Stupid Ron, always hungry.
Suddenly I have an idea. "Hey Ron, can I talk to you for a minute?" The stupid git agrees, and I tell him to meet me after dinner.
That night I skipped dinner and went up to my dorm to prepare. I got out a wide, metal blade, and an extremely rusty one. I conceal them.
"Hey Ron, let's go for a walk."
I led him to an empty classroom, and tied him up with ropes. I light a fire and put the wide blade in it. Once it is red hot, I go over to Ron.
I start by cutting off the first segment of each of his fingers with the rusty blade, cauterizing the wound each time.
Then, I move on, cutting and cauterizing at each joint. Once I finish his arms, I cut off one leg at the hip. I cauterize that wound and beat him nearly senseless with the leg. I force-feed him a potion so that he can't pass out but can still feel pain. Thank god I paid attention the day Snape taught that.
Just that moment, Dumbledore walked in. He merely smiled and said, "Can I have a go?"
Dumbledore continued until Ron was a mere torso. Then we threw him in the fire I used to heat the blade. As he burned, his screams were music to my ears. No longer would he interrupt Harry and me. We could be together at last.
A/N: I wrote this story a few years back for fanfiction.net and didn't get a real response, so I'm posting it here.