I was busy thinking about it with a small smile playing on my lips as I sat on my bed in the inn, Ray had gone out to the bakers for us and I was waiting for him to come back, and then tonight I was going to go and see Frankie again. And I had promised him I would wear the red waistcoat he loved seeing me in. I had it on now, so I could be sure I would keep this promise too.
I gave a happy sigh as I thought about him, getting completely lost in my thoughts - but then dragged roughly out of them as the door slammed open. Ray came rushing in holding a letter in his hand. I looked at his flustered face and raised an eyebrow.
"Hey Ray. Wheres the food?" I asked. Ray didnt answer as he pulled off his jacket and ran over to the bed, he sat so that he was cross legged infront of me, thrusting the letter in my face.
"The girl at reception gave it me, its addressed to you." He cried, out of breath. I took the letter off him as I shrugged.
"So what its probably ju - " I stopped as the bold red letters that spelt 'URGENT' screamed for my attention. I flipped the envelope over and read the return address. It was from back home. My hands began to shake as I looked up at Ray who was pale and trembling.
"What do you think its about?" I asked quietly.
"I dont know. M - maybe its good news." Ray offered, I wanted desperately to beleive him but as I held it in my hands I could tell that this was bad. Really bad. I took a deep breath and gently prised the envelope open,pulling out the peice of paper inside it. Ray watched me with frightened eyes as I unfolded the paper and began to read it aloud.
I hope you and Ray are having an excellent time in England. I cant wait to hear all about it when you return home. Did you find what you were looking for? Do you even know what your looking for yet? I hope so, you'll have to tell me all about it when you return. Things are great here, infact they are more than great. I've got engaged, to Alicia. Do you remember her? I used to court her back when I was sixteen, well we met again the same day you went to England and I proposed to her about two weeks later. I know that seems too soon but we just have a connection thats so evident that I see no point in waiting for months, or even years just to seem sensible. Mother and Father thought I was rushing into things at first but now they have realised how much I love her and I have their blessings. The thing is... Alicia and I were going to get married when you were back home, but Alicias grandmother is very ill and Alicia wants her to be there when we wed so it really is a race against time. The problem with that is we will be getting married around next month and so if you have any chance of being at the wedding you will have to leave England pretty much as soon as you recieve this letter. I completely understand if you choose to stay in London, I do not want to be the reason for you to return but your my big brother and it would mean a lot if you did come to the wedding. Its your choice though, either way I will understand completely.
Hope to see you soon.
All my love, your brother,
At first I gave a huge sigh of relief, I had been certain that it would be bad news so to find that it wasnt made me not realise that I would have to leave. I looked at Ray with a smile on my face.
"Well, thats a relief." I chuckled. Ray gave a small smile and nodded.
"I guess but... what are we going to do? Stay or leave?" He asked. The force of this decision suddenly hit me, it shouldnt have been a painful one to make but it was because of one thing.
"Oh damn..." I whispered. Ray seemed to know what I was thinking and nodded his head. "Ray, what am I going to do? I cant miss Mikeys wedding but... Frankie..." I dropped my head in my hands and sighed, clutching at my hair as I struggled to figure something out. Ray shuffled so that he was sat beside me and put an arm round me.
"Well...Gerard, why dont you just ask him to come with us to America?" He asked. I shook my head.
"No. He'd never agree, I had this planned out. I was going to show him he could trust me over the next two months - I've only had a week so far. Ray, what if he says no?" I whispered. Ray sighed and looked down at the duvet.
"Well... if you dont ask him, then you wont know."
I walked slowly up the stairs that led to the upper floor of number 22. Frank would be in his room and it was crunch time. I had butterflies in my stomach and I was so scared of Frank saying no.
I knocked on his door and walked inside, Frank was sitting on his bed reading just like he had been when I had first seen him. I gave a small cough and he looked up, when he saw me a huge smile spread across his face and he put the book down, rushing over to me and allowing me to sweep him up into my arms. I held him tight, nuzzling my face into the crook of his neck, savouring his smell. Praying that this wouldnt be the last night I'd spend with him. I clutched him and he held me tightly back, I didnt want to let go. I didnt want to think about leaving him.
"Gee... are you okay?" He asked after we stood there for a while. I snapped back to my senses and pulled back, smiling at him.
"Yeah I'm err... I'm just glad to see you." I said, Frank grinned and ran his hands down my chest, fingering the buttons of my waistcoat.
"I'm glad to see you too. And you kept your promise." He smiled. I kissed his cheek and whispered.
"Of course I did." He looked up at me and our eyes locked for a moment before we simultaneously grabbed eachother into a deep kiss. I wrapped my arms tight around his waist as he placed his hands on the back of my head, working his lips hard against mine. He pulled me back towards the bed as his tongue snaked into my mouth, entwining round mine. As we fell onto the mattress we shuffled up the bed, deepening the kiss, desperate to taste eachother. Franks head hit the pillow and he tangled his legs round mine, biting my bottom lip before licking away the tiny pain and keeping a perfect rhythm to the kiss. I pushed my body against his, feeling like I would never be close enough to him unless I sunk into his skin, right through his bones until I was in him. The kiss was desperate and so heated that soon our swollen lips couldnt keep up the speed and it became slower, until our lips barely moved but our tongues kept up the action. Eventually we pulled away, gasping for breath but wanting more.
"W -wow..." Frank breathed, I grinned at him and he pulled me back into another kiss, slower this time and more gentle. Slowly he rolled us over so that he was on top, and his tongue licked at my swollen lips, rocking his hips against mine causing friction and making me gasp into his mouth. I had never been with a man before, and the feeling was like something I had never felt before. I ran my fingers through his hair, the only sounds in the room being our heavy breathing between the collision of lips, soft sucking noises and the bedsheets moving as we moved. I ran one of my hands down the back of his neck, savouring the amazing feeling of him grinding against me. All thoughts of why I had come here left my head, all that mattered right now were us.
I knew there was something important I needed to tell him but I just couldnt remember it and everytime I tried my heart seemed to miss a beat due to the prospect of missing out on this pleasure.
Slowly his hands ran up under my clothes to feel the skin of my torso, his hands feeling everywhere before sliding down to my belt, slowly undoing the buckle as he moved his lips to my neck, sucking and kissing as he slid his hands down inside my trousers.
"Frankie wait." I sat up and he fell down my legs, his hands falling backwards to support him. "Sorry." I mumbled, helping him get back into a sitting position. I was blushing and he smiled at me, brushing a strand of hair out of my face.
"Its just I..." I trailed off and Frank slid his arms round my neck and kissed my cheek gently.
"Its okay Gee. Its alright if your nervous." He whispered. I shook my head and slipped my arms round his waist.
"N - no, its not that." I mumbled. Frank tilted his head to the side looking worried, I knew he was wondering whether I didnt want him and I was desperate to make him realise that wasnt the case.
"So... whats wrong?" He asked. I kissed him on the side of his lips and ran my hands through his hair.
"We cant do this here, I dont want to. Not in this place. I want the first time with you to be special, in a bed somewhere romantic. Somewhere where we both belong. A place we can both call home." I whispered. Frank smiled and kissed me.
"But where?" He asked. I sighed and shrugged, looking away. Frank saw the hurt look on my face and placed a hand under my chin, making me look back at him.
"Thats not everything is it? What else is going on?" He asked. I sighed as I told him.
"Its something back at home... I... I have to go back to America... Tommorow." I looked away from the look of shock and hurt that covered his face. His lips parted and tears filled his eyes.
"W - what? Why?" He gasped. I sighed and laced my fingers with his as I spoke.
"My little brother Mikey is getting married, he said I dont have to go but he's my little brother ya' know? I cant miss his wedding. And if I'm gonna get there in time then I have to leave tommorow." I looked at Franks face and my heart fell as I saw the tears sliding down his cheeks.
"O - oh I... I get it. Yeah, I mean, of course you need to go. I - I would never stop that. I... understand..." He whispered, sliding off my lap and unlacing his fingers, walking over to the window and wrapping his arms around himself, looking outside as he bit back sobs. I felt my own tears begin to fall and I climbed off the bed, walking over to him and standing behind him, wrapping my arms round him resting my head on his shoulder.
"Frankie I dont want to leave you. Please come with me. Please Frankie I'm begging you. I would have had to leave in two months anyway, what were we going to do then? Just forget about eachother? Because I could never do that." Frank shook his head, his small body shaking as he cryed.
"N - no Gerard. I cant forget about you...I dont want you to go." He sobbed.
"I dont want to either Frankie but I cant live in England. Please come with me, you can live with me in America." Frank began shaking his head but I carried on anyway, I wasnt going to give him up. "Theres so many oppurtunities for us there, I mean, you can be with me and my family will love you. You'll have a chance for a real family, and you wont have to work in this hell hole, you can find a job in America. A good one. Or dont work at all, I'm earning enough to support us both." Frank shook his head frantically, his crying getting worse.
"No Gerard - " He began but I cut him off. Determined to make him understand.
"I know your scared Frankie, I am too. I've never imagined I would fall in love like this, let alone with a man and sure my family will be shocked but they'll love you. I swear they will. And in America I dont have to get upset knowing you have to kiss and touch other men for a job, I know you think you'll be a burden but you wont. How could you be when all I want is to be with you? The only wish I have is to live with you Frankie. Please come back with me, I cant live without you -" I had so much more I wanted to say but I began to sob and I couldnt choke out the words. For a moment we stood there and then Frank spun round and grabbed me, clutching me to him as we cryed. I held him tight and we sank to the floor, comforting eachother. He pressed feather light kissed all over my face, begging me to stop crying as I begged him for the same thing. Finally our lips met and we hugged eachother close as our lips remained in a lock, motionless. When we pulled apart our tears had reduced and I stared into his watery eyes as I wiped his cheeks.
"Please Frankie...please come back with me..." I whispered. He sighed and fell forward into my arms, resting his head on my chest and holding me tight.
"I...I dont know Gerard... I want to... I really do but... I dont if Merl will let me leave so soon." I gave a shocked laugh and he looked at me.
"Frankie if your willing to come back with me then not all of the Queens men could hold us back. If Merl doesnt want you going then thats just tough, the only way she'll stop me from taking you is if she kills me." I vowed. Frank sighed and kissed me gently before getting to his feet, holding out his hand to help me up.
"Well... then I suppose its time to do or die." He whispered.