(#) RyanRossLuver 2008-07-29Look, I like the idea of the story, but I have a couple of things to tell you.
I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but you need to work on your spelling, grammar and punctuation. It's all the simple things you are forgetting, like putting apostrophes in the wrong places (you typed wer'nt, when it's actually weren't); not capitalizing names, forgetting commas to put breaks in sentences, and not turning the bold off, so the whole story seems like a giant authors note.
Now, I am sorry if I have upset you, but you need to work on these things. If you would like any help at all, please, e-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org
or IM me on FrankGerardMCR on AIM
You have a budding storyline and potential to create a fantastic story, but you just need to look over your errors a little closer.
- Uhh dude! You might want to try using correct grammar and punctuation. Like maybe try not making an entire sentence last for what should be an entire paragraph. I really can't be bothered to read a story with such crap punctuation, it looks like you didn't even try to make it good. Are you sure your older then 12 coz I really haven't met many 13 year olds that have such bad writing skills. I don't know, maybe english isn't your first language, if so then I'm sorry, if not then you really need to work on it before you post stuff on here. I'm really not trying to be a bitch, just giving you some constructive critiscm!
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