- Formatting would improve the reading of this piece. However, my main issue is with characterization. I once wrote a story that I thought was very humorous and cute. It was quickly cut down because (and I now know this to be true) my characters were very OOC. I have since then paid very close attention to such things in my writing.
On the other hand, if you like this kind of thing, and you have enough followers, I would suggest a warning of A/U and OOC up front, then no one can complain.
For the most part, this was not a bad story. Thank you for sharing.
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