Monica moves on.
It’s been six months. Six long months since I last saw him, or kissed him, or touched him, or talked to him and I felt like I wanted to die. That’s how bad it hurt to the point where I could psyically feel my heart hurt and my fingers get numb. To where it feels like I can’t breath and I all I want to do it crawl into myself.
It’s been six months and yet I am still in love with him. I thought that if I stayed away from him that his memory will fade from my mind, but it hasn’t. it’s been six months and I can still remember the way he smelled or how he laugh or should I say giggled. I missed him so much, but I knew that I had to leave. If I didn’t then the pain of staying would have been greater than the pain of leaving.
So, six months and here I am laying in my bed and thinking about my life. How it turned out to be. I wanted something some much different from what it turned out to be, but I can make a change. I was no longer the other woman and I was happy. I could now be free of the hatred that surrounded me when I was with Frank, but it still hurt to be away from him.
I crawled into my covers more. My sister was off dropping Anthony off to see Frank and I just laid in bed not doing much, but thinking of him. Like what was he doing at this moment. Was he smiling or laughing? What was he wearing had he cut his hair or let it grow like he always wanted to? Did he grow a beard or did he shave still? That’s what I thought.
But I had to stop thinking about him, I have to get up. I have to live. I have to move on. I can’t just lay here and think about him everyday I have to move on. He did. Or at least that was what I heard. I guess he had dumped Kaitlin, but he was now with a girl named Jamia. I heard that they use to date before Kaitlin, now she was back and so they were together again.
Getting out of bed I went to take a shower and washed the memories of him from my mind, from my soul, from my heart, from my body. I had to let go. I have to rinse him. I had to rinse myself from him. All of a sudden Vanessa Carlton’s Rinse lyrics popped into my head as I sang the lyrics they rand so true. I had to get rid of him.
She must rinse this all away
She can't hold him this way
She must rinse this all away
She can't love him this way
And if she runs away she fears she won't be followed
What could be the worse than leaving something behind
And as the depth of oceans slowly become shallow
It's loneliness she finds...
If only he was mine
Stepping out of the shower I got dressed and went down stairs to see Nonnie setting at the breakfast bar at my new place. A place that I brought for me and my son.
“Your up.” She said to me as I came into the kitchen.
“yeah, I figured it’s time to move on.” Opening the refrigerator I got the orange juice out and got a glass down and poured me some. “How did the drop off go?” I asked her.
She looked at me for a moment, “It went well.”
I just looked at her and nodded. Ever since that day I had went back to his house and packed me and my son’s things. Once we had agreed Anthony would spend the weekends with him whenever he was in town I had Nonnie drop him off. That was how I was able to avoid him for all this time. I never told him where I moved too and as far as I know he and Jamia are now living in that house. I hated him so much for that.
I looked at my sister for the longest time, “Thank you for moving up here. Thanks for taking care of both me and my son.”
Getting up she came around the bar and pulled me into a hug, “you’re welcome and besides me and dad were planning on opening a store here anyway so it just helped that you were here.” She smiled at me making an excuse, but really the only other reason she stayed was because of Gerard. They were dating now. Plus, he was the only one who could keep her in her place.
“No, you stayed here because of Gee and don’t lie.”
I watched as she blushed and walked back to her set, “So, what do you want to do today.”
“I want change. So, let’s go shopping.” I suggested.
She looked at me with a grin on her face, “Let’s”
Today was a brand new start for me. I was getting rid of the old me. The part of me that still held into Frank, onto something that will never be.