" I've loved you for so long ever since we were teens, i knew that i was gay i always have been ".
Frankie sat alone in his dorm room thinking over the past events of his college life and the fucked up people he was forced to endure through. Mikey was never here anymore, frankie so desperately missed that kid and no one came to visit him either, it had been 3 whole days since they all had came back and not one of them spoke to frankie they all acted like they never knew him all because he was ashamed of gerard.
Frankie had seen pete and adam and they ignored him too, pete didn't do it on purpose but adam did, he never liked frankie because he liked gerard himself. Ray hadn't been over either for the past 3 days to pick frankie up and accompany him to class but frank had seen him countless times around campus going to the store buying chips, hanging out at the music mart buying cd's, and buying small and expensive gifts all to sugar up gerard into liking him more.
Ray had never said anything about it but he liked gerard too, he thought gee beautiful and so funny and kid like gorgeous. He always tried to show how amazing he was to gerard but gerard would never look at him seductively he always thought ray a good friend. But tonight that would all change ray thought he would charm gerard into knowing how lovely ray could be to him, if gerard only gave him a chance.
It was dark now and night classes had let out a hour early ending at 9pm today, ray took it upon himself to walk gerard home from classes and surprise him with dinner and a song from his guitar when they got back to the dorm. Bob and mikey was told not to come over tonight, so was adam and pete ray wanted gerard all to himself. The onset of fall was here now so ray wore a thin but comfortable coat and brung gerard's along too.
Outside stood ray as he thought of what to say to gerard, ray had knew gerard for so long now since they were kids and had fallen inlove with him when they were teens. It was gerard's mysteriousness and love of comics and art that had won ray over, plus his love of classical rock music and his talent to sing. Gerard was such a leader too, ray had never been good at that so when hanging out with gee life was good for ray.
Then suddenly ray was yanked out of his thought's when he seen a beautifully pale gerard emerge from the art class door's. Gerard had been always complimented by darkness, having his shoulderlenght black hair illuminated with strays of moonlight, his lips so thin and well defined, and his eyes reflecting off every glow of moonlight to make him tear one down with stares alone. Ray had to swallow and cough twice in order to pull up some words to say to this beautiful and darkly gorgeous man.
" Hi " ray said pulling gerard's coat from around his neck and handing it to gerard " I just wanted to meet you up here and walk you back i have something to tell you " and gerard simply replied " Okay ". The 2 turned around and beganned the long trek home, at first it was silence and quick little glances done by ray, he kept staring watching gerard pull out a ciggarette and light it he had to get this out now.
" Ray why are you staring at my cigg like that you want some? " gerard asked looking up and catching him, in ray's mind that was incorporated as something else...nasty. Ray didn't smoke but he was finding it hard to say no to gerard so he answered yes, gerard then dragged on it and handed it to ray who took a little puff and handed it right back but on the way, their hands touched.
Ray snatched away suddenly making gee look at him and ask " What's wrong? " " Nutting - i mean nothing " ray stumbled " I-i i have to admit something " and gerard stopped turning and facing him putting his pretty hands in his pockets " What? ". This was so hard loving someone made things so damn difficult ray had never shook this much in his life, and despite how cold it was ray was sweating he felt he couldn't breathe or couldn't stop the words from pouring out his mouth:
" Gerard...how do you feel about me? ".
Gerard stared at ray for awhile then smiled " Like i couldn't have the most wonderful friend in the world! " he replied " No " said ray abruptly " Do you have any other feelings for me? ". Gerard then looked down and said " No why? " " Because i do for you " said ray allowing the tears to fall " I'm inlove with you ".
Gerard felt like he was suddenly punched in the stomach and kneed in the nuts so many feelings raked through him at once, how could this be, where did it come from, and when did it start?. There was no words gerard could come up with that could remove the shock he felt or the things he knew he had to say. " Ray " said gerard voice cracking tears running, " How do you know this are you sure? ".
" Yes " ray said looking at the hair that hid gerard's angelic face " I've loved you for so long ever since we were teens, i knew that i was gay i always have been ". Ray tried to see gerard's face, maybe if he did he could read what he thought gee was feeling, or maybe he could break pass the denial gerard was saying and see the truth which was gerard loved him too. But it was a lie gerard didn't love ray he never could ray always felt like he was ugly.
" What and you just tell me this now? " gerard said finally looking at ray, but in that moment ray wished he didn't he did not like what he seen there in gerard's eyes. All in gerard's lovely pupils ray seen that emotionally and spiritually gerard belonged to frank, it was always there eversince gerard had met him it took just now to fully show.
Ray didn't want to say this but before he caught himself it had already came out " I can be better than him gerard " this yanked gerard from his thought's and made him pay attention to ray and for a minute he didn't know who ray was talking about. " Uh what? " gerard said
" Frank i can be better i can do you better than him " ray replied closing the distance between them " I'd give my whole life just to have you, just to have you once " and the touching began.
Ray started on gerard's hips then moved to his side and then his stomach, from there ray grazed gee's chest and glided his fingers up gerard's smooth and pale neck. Ray then brung them to the sides of gerard's face and over his lips this human was so beautiful he was in the making of god. Slowly and gently ray put his right hand behind gerard's head and pulled him in for a kiss, and as gerard was going all he could see was frank's face. Gerard loved this man there was no one else for him, so he did only what he thought he should and yanked away from ray's embrace.
Ray felt the tears prick up in his eyes as his hand was still sticking out and he stumbled saying " Gerard i'm so sorry please forgive me give us a chance ". Gerard shook his head no
" Ray i can't i love him " and he slowly beganned to back up " Don't leave me " ray said openly crying now " Please don't go to him ". " I'm not " gerard said stopping once further back
" But this changes things forever ".
And gerard walked away, ray once gee was gone fell to his knee's and beganned to deeply cry he could'nt breathe nor could he stop and for hour's on end he stayed out there it getting colder and darker by the minute. Once it had started to rain ray slowly walked home, his head down the whole way there when he got there the dorm room door had still been locked meaning gerard wasn't staying with him tonight. Ray shookenly unlocked the door and came inside loving the warm heat that met him, instantly reminding him of gerard's hugs.
On the table sat the now cold dinner and the almost burned out candles, in the corner was the guitar, and all in the house was the sound of sweet music. All of this was done for gerard who only loved frank...sometimes life could be such a bitch.
Back in frank's dorm room frank layed on his bed, this would be another night that mikey wouldn't be here and frank would be again...alone. So many thought's went through frank's head and his heart was so heavy tonight just like the rain outside his window. Deeply frankie wanted to cry everyone was suffering heart break tonight and frank couldn't take it anymore then he remembered.
Frank's mom was always up to talk to her son, she would always listen to him no matter what was going on, frank hadn't called her in so long and was dying too. So frankie picked up the phone and dialed her number and when she answered frank couldn't hold back his tears anymore, he let out a long sob and took a deep breath weeping:
" I'm dying without you mama! ".
Harrow here sorry this chapter is so sad but hey that's how love is it has it's up's and it's downs but don't worry the boy's of my chem will come back soon they always do. Anyway review and read this story guys because i can't do this without you i love you all and if you don't i'm going to tell my moomy too bye!.