Categories > Books > Harry Potter > Summer 4th year Revised

Part 3

by scruffy1 27 Reviews

Category: Harry Potter - Rating: R - Genres: Romance - Characters: Harry,Hermione - Warnings: [!!] [?] - Published: 2008/08/30 - Updated: 2008/08/30 - 6783 words - Complete

Reviews

  • Summer 4th year Revised

    (#) dennisud 2008-08-30 11:54:50 AM

    Somehow your story was on the updated pages then gone! But I got the FicWad alert and got the story. Hope you update your stories and particularly this one soon. I can't wait to see how 5th year goes with themalready Bonding!

    Again lovely use of Luna, use her more here!

    dennosid

    Author's response

    The problem with the update page was my error. I attempted to upload the entire story as a one shot and thought it had worked until a reviewer pointed out the story seemed to just stop. Checking it I found the second half was missing so I took it down and reposted it as a three parter.

    My apologizes
    Scruffy1
  • Summer 4th year Revised

    (#) jump_jives 2008-08-30 01:12:39 PM

    A nice Harry/Hermione story as always. I enjoy their interaction. I also liked Hermione's mother and her mildly catty statements about other mothers.

    Additionally, your Luna is, from what little we saw of her, a more normal version of what we usually see from fanon and its a little refreshing to see her as such.

    You have labeled the story as complete and to be honest it does stand on its own, but like Family Surprises, it could also be expanded if you want to take the time to write more. An addition could be about the whole year, or just a one shot about when they tell the Grangers about being already married (though I would probably vote for the longer version).

    Minor correction:
    I think you meant nine month anniversary instead of "ninth anniversary." Otherwise, the daughter would be way two young to be in Hogwarts with Harry and Hermione.

    Finally, I look forward to seeing the next installment of Motorcycle.
  • Summer 4th year Revised

    (#) makotochi 2008-08-31 12:36:51 AM

    So far your story is very good I especially like the way you handled Ginny

    Author's response

    Thank you, Ginny's response was re-written several times before I felt comfortable with it. She is a strong character in cannon and in a hard place in this story.
  • Summer 4th year Revised

    (#) Cateagle 2008-08-31 01:07:08 AM

    Well, most definitely an enjoyable story and you handled all the characters nicely. I do hope you'll do a sequel follwoing them through the school year after this.

    BTW, I did find one glaring typo here, "...judges willowed down..." should be "...judges winnowed down..."
  • Summer 4th year Revised

    (#) Cateagle 2008-08-31 01:07:30 AM

    Well, most definitely an enjoyable story and you handled all the characters nicely. I do hope you'll do a sequel follwoing them through the school year after this.

    BTW, I did find one glaring typo here, "...judges willowed down..." should be "...judges winnowed down..."

    Author's response

    Thanks to you and jump_jives.
    As I said on my other story although I use American English every day. I do appreciate it when someone points out my errors. Some are due to fingers typing too fast while others are simply ignorance or my disagreement with MS Word's spell/grammar checker.

    Thanks to you and jump_jives.
    As I said on my other story although I use American English every day, I do appreciate it when someone points out my errors. Some are due to fingers typing too fast while others are simply ignorance or my disagreement with MS Word's spell/grammar checker.
  • Summer 4th year Revised

    (#) Wonderbee31 2008-08-31 09:51:29 AM

    Glad I found this last part, ad got to say, this was a fantastic read, and it came out really nicely. I do wish that there might be a follow up to it, as I can not see this Harry putting up with all he did in canon, considering he's broken out of prison, no way he'd want to return to it at all.
  • Summer 4th year Revised

    (#) DavidMPotter 2008-08-31 12:29:34 PM

    I so look forward to more of this fic! I enjoyed you style and character development. I especially loved Jane. Her reactions to the witch at the ball and the reaction to the mother who's daughter dances better than yours. Brilliant. I so want to see what happens when Ron finds out and see who Ginny hogties and brands. If it is Draco please let him get a weasel brand on his ass.
  • Summer 4th year Revised

    (#) Vanir 2008-08-31 12:51:55 PM

    Greatly amusing. This story has made Harry different, in that he's confident, but still a fairly young man. The family interactions has been brilliant, and I'm staying tuned for the upcoming storms and conversations.
    Thank you.

    Vanir
  • Summer 4th year Revised

    (#) FenrisWolf 2008-09-01 04:50:59 AM

    Good story so far; I'm hoping there's more coming, but it's possible this is intended to stop here. If so, it's more than a bit awkward unless there's a sequel planned.

    As for the overall quality of the writing, both technical and creative, I'd rate it fairly high. Technically the errors are few and far between, and that's referring to both typos and grammarical errors. I did notice a few homonyms and pronoun errors (her instead of she, me instead of I, that sort of thing).

    My only real criticism is a matter of style and personal preference, as I found it a bit long on narrative and short on dialog. I know narrative moves a story's timeline forward faster than dialog, but too much narrative and the character development suffers.

    That's it for now. I hope this does continue, either as additional chapters in this story or as a sequel. Thanks for posting it.

    FenrisWolf
  • Summer 4th year Revised

    (#) Cateagle 2008-09-06 01:17:06 AM

    On rereading, I have to wonder what wizard should be watching out for Ginny's advances. Personally, I think she should go for Neville and should NOT go for "bad boy Draco". I certainly hope that there are either further chapters or a sequel planned. BTW, is this the summer before or after 4th year? If it's the summer before, these changes could have some major effects in how Harry deals with the Tournament and -those- should be fascinating to read about.

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