sad freard. Frank left Mikey for Gee and Mikey never knew. What happens whenFrank moves back????
730 am-time for another hellish school day. I grudgingly dressed and headed downstairs. Maybe the 'rents will have left. Yeah Frank, and maybe pigs'll fly! I knew I had no such luck because I could hear the arguing before I'd even cleared the last step. No surprise in the arguments, they were always about me. I sighed, hoping for the days of long ago when things were right. The days before dad started drinking. But it was my fault after all. I was always the rebellious kid-getting into fights (mostly over my size), my clothes, my cursing, the constant Black Flag blaring, and especially when I pierced my lip/nose and got HALLOWEEN tattooed across my knuckles-but all this is small fish compared to what set him over the edge. My parents found out I was gay last year when they walked in on my boyfriend, Mikey, and I "studying." They Freaked with a capital 'F.' Mikey and I continued to date until about six months ago when I ended it. It still pains me to remember his caramel-colored eyes tear up as his asked me why. I never had intended to break his heart, things between his brother, Gerard, and I just happened. I had developed the crush the moment Mikey introduced us. How couldn't I? He was stunning. His flawless porcelain skin, accentuated by his raven-colored hair that was always wild yet framing his eyes. Those eyes. Hazel and slightly brooding, so enticing. My breath had caught as he shook my hand and said "hello Frankie, I'm Gerard." I had despised that nickname since grade school but rolling off Gerard’s lips, ah those lips, it sounded right. More on that later. Back to the present....
Reality sets in. I can still hear them arguing as I clear the last step. I walk into the kitchen and sit without even raising my head. With eye contact they'd start in on me sooner. Five silent minutes pass. Only five more minutes Frank, you can make it. It'd be the first morning since that day that I'd escape taunt free. My mind drifted back to Gerard, wonder how he's been since we moved. I never let myself dwell though because I'd only be swimming in guilt about Mikey. Mikey, too much in love with me to see I was messing around with Gee. I quickly pushed those thoughts away and checked the clock. Two minutes. I'd gotten halfway through my sigh of relief when mom cleared her throat. Great, here it comes. "We're moving back to New Jersey because dad 'quit' his job." I would have rather been slapped, taunted, forced out, anything but that. A million thoughts raced through my mind as I walked to school. What if I see Gerard again ran through yet again. I was so preoccupied that I didn't even hear the 'fags!' and 'homos!' thrown at me throughout the school day. Would Gee still care? Would Mikey even talk to me? I weighed the possibilities as the last bell rang. I was gathering my books when I saw it. Outside, three jocks had my best friend Sage on the ground. I knew from experience they'd kick until they broke something. Usually a couple somethings. I ran out the door without a second thought about my books. Sage's wails were already turning into labored whispers when I reached them. I jumped on the nearest jock's back and started pounding his head. The others came in full force at his first shriek. Two held me as the other stomped relentlessly. This is how I'm going to die I thought. I was slowly fading to black when Mr. Lambert pulled them off. "Frank? Frank?! Oh shit!" I could barely make out the sound of sirens in the distance as I fell unconscious.......................
I woke up in the hospital sore and confused. Where am I? The hosptal?? What the fuck am I doing here?? A doctor came in an explained everything. He said there was no major damage; I had stitches that had to come out next week, and that I was free to go. Two hours later I was in my bed staring at the various boxes that I had packed. I still can't believe we're moving back there. I didn't know whether to be happy or cry my eyes out. Mom had also told me the address. Yeah we were moving all right, right next door to the Ways. A.K.A Mikey and Gerard's house! I lie there thinking. Whatever the plan was, we moved Monday
The moving van pulled into the driveway and we started moving boxes. I say 'we' but I mean myself. An hour later and not even a quarter of the way through, I saw the blinding flash of light followed by the drenching rain. Mom, ever helpful, yelled "hurry the fuck up!" I just nodded thinking it might go faster if you helped you fat drunk bitch but quickened my pace nonetheless. Three hours and drenched, I had us in. I’m gonna get pneumonia if I don't get some dry clothes on. I picked up the box marked 'franx clothes' and asked where my room was so I could change. Dad spoke up, "come on frank, I'll show ya" wow, the first time he's spoken to me in a year. No wonder I missed the look he and my mother exchanged. I followed him down the hall until we stopped in front of the last door on the right. I didn’t know why then but I had a feeling of dread as my trembling fingers reached the knob an turned. The door swung open and my father laughed as the box fell from my hands. How could they?
It took all I had to not cry as I looked into my room. Pink walls, frilly pink curtains, a wooden bed painted pink, the Barbie blankets, and various dolls. "Oh Frankie, your mom and I knew you'd just adore it!" and with that he left, probably to tell his bitch. I stood frozen in the midst of my bubblegum prison for what seemed like hours, before shock gave way to anger. I knew what to do. I have my emergency money stash, no better time to use it than now. So I grabbed the money and bolted out the door. I started walking towards town in search of a hardware store. I soon found one and ducked inside. After a walk around the store I had everything. The man rang me up and I walked out. I sat my bags down on a bench, and the rest of my body followed lead. I pulled out my trustee reds and lit up. Boy, mom would be so proud. I set there pondering my room plans and taking drag after sweet drag, when another of my addictions came calling. I followed the familiar scent until I found myself standing in front of the entrance to the little coffee/comic shop. Wow, something in this place that isn't a big, steamy pile! I stepped inside for a nice, black 'manly' coffee. Quick though Frank, your room calls. Brilliant as ever I decided it'd be a good idea to read a comic, hold my bags and coffee, an walk at the same time. Wham! I walked right into someone and was flat on my ass. I slowly got up ready to give the guy a piece of my mind, when I looked up. OH.MY.GOD!!!!!!!!!!
I turned and ran before the dude could get up. A bit rude, but I could NOT let him see me. I finally started to breathe normally, well at all, when I reached my bedroom. Luckily I had just enough time to grab my bags before I bolted. Shit, even if I hadn't I would not have went back. My mind quickly became preoccupied as I redecorated. Ah, A.D.D..... The blood red easily overpowered the sickness and it looked goth-tastic when I had put the black curtains up. It was near perfect as I spread the black satin sheets over the bare mattress. I was just smoothing out the ebony comforter when I heard a sound at my door. No, not a sound, a voice. His voice
"H-how did you get in here?" I waited for a reply but instead got a question. "Why did you run from me Frankie?" I couldn't believe it. Gee, Gerard, in my room, not just another dream." I don't know." was all I could choke out. Then I don't know why but something in me broke right there and I was in his arms crying. He just held me tight and stroked my hair. After a few minutes I pulled back and looked at him. He hasn't changed at all. Then the most amazing thing happened. Our lips met and began a fierce battle for dominance. When the need for air came nagging we reluctantly pulled apart. He panted and told me how much he missed me. Well he tried to anyway. I didn't even let him get the words out before I smashed my lips onto his again. I was aware and fully in favor of the fact we were moving towards my bed. Gee pushed me down into the covers and straddled my desire. Then his warm, wet mouth was everywhere tasting and teasing without caution. A moan escaped my throat as he sucked my nipple between his teeth. It was then I realized I had no idea when our clothes were shed and carelessly discarded. And shortly after realized, I didn't give a fuck. All thoughts drained when he reached down and pumped me into attention. As if I needed to be or get any harder. I was dangerously close as the familiar tingle settled in my stomach. He then took me into his mouth. His expert tongue swirled over my head and I screamed his name. I thought I was gonna rip his hair out! He massaged my balls and I came. Hard. He swallowed every last drop and came up grinning like the Cheshire cat. Oh yeah, I know whats next. He kissed me in a frenzy. A single command was uttered. "Bend over." A shiver of anticipation ran through my body as I did what I was told. He gently pressed into my entrance. A little grunt of pain fell out of my mouth followed by an ear-splitting moan of pleasure as he hit my spot. He hit it over and over with each thrust. We were breathing like animals and I was moaning curses at random. I didn't think I could hold on any longer when he began pumping my hard length. We both came in a rush, screaming each others name. He in me, and I in his hand and on our stomachs. He wrapped his arms around me, still buried inside. Before we fell asleep, he kissed my nose and sighed "I love you Frankie."
I woke up to an angel peacefully slumbering in my bed. Hair all mussed, lips slightly parted. I leaned over and pressed my lips to his. I felt him smirk into the kiss before he said "well good morning!" We got dressed quickly and after checkin the time, 7:30, no rents', we went downstairs for some much needed coffee. We almost forgot about it during our heated make out/grope session. I poured it into the mugs and was about to sit and enjoy it when I heard a knock on the door. I opened it, and came face to face with. Mikey.
We both stood there stunned. ....Mikey.Fuckin. Way..... At my door. Gerard walked over breaking the silence. "Uh...h-hey Mikes, mmm..whats up?" Mikey looked from Gerard to me and back again. He dropped what he was holding with a crash and ran out the door without another word. Gerard took off after him and I stayed glued to that spot, still unable to move. After a few minutes and many deep breaths, I started to clean up. It was a cake of some sort, well it was, and with it a note. The note read 'Welcome to the neighborhood~the Ways' I nearly cried. I had no other choice but to clean up and wait to hear from Gerard. Calm down frank, he'll be alright, Gee will find'm. It was my mantra as I cleaned. While doin that I cut my finger and ran up to the bathroom. One bandaged finger later, I heard my cell ring and I ran into my room to get it. 'Gerard' flashed on the ID. "Gerard?" "Frank......myk.....on" "What Gerard? Hello?" dead line. Piece of shit phone. I tried to call him back three unsuccessful times. I gave up an ran downstairs. If I cant call, I'll go over. I opened my door to a hysteric Gerard. "He's gone" "What?!""Mikey's fuckin gone Frank!"
"What do you mean gone?" "Gone. As in no one can find him anywhere!" This was all my fault. He ran because he saw me. No worse he saw me, with Gerard. Mikey never knew about Gee and I, and I DID NOT want him to find out like this. I held Gerard tight and tried my hardest to comfort him. Yeah Frank you should, its your fucking fault. Then, without warning he screamed "I've gotta find Mikey!" and bolted- this time I followed. We ran all the way to town, calling his name the whole way. Finally we spotted him two blocks down. "MIKEY!!!!!!!" Too late. The car smashed into him and he crumpled. Gerard was at his side in a flash, me on his heels. "Mikey, please open your eyes, please" he pleaded, tears streaming down his beautiful face. I quickly dialed 911 and prayed. I watched helplessly as the ambulance took an unconscious Mikey and deranged Gerard away. What have I done?
I sat by the phone all day, silently willing it to ring. I must have fallen asleep because I jerked awake when my phone rang. “Hello?” “Frank, get down to the hospital!” “Is he okay Ger-“ click. I ran downstairs, past my bewildered parents, and into the night. I ran until my lungs felt as though they’d burst. Thankfully, the hospital was no more than eight blocks farther, and I ran on through the pain. Finally I reached the sliding glass doors and burst through them. Gerard ran to me and I caught him as he began to sob. “Oh God Frank, he’s bleeding internally and in a coma!” I was stunned, I couldn’t do anything but cry with Gee. We fell to the floor and cried until nothing else would come out.
Mikey is still in a coma and Gerard drinks all the time and barely speaks anymore. I am so guilt-ridden I’ve started cutting myself to relieve some pain. The cuts range from short to long, straight, criss-cross, deep, scratches, all different types depending on the days events.
I don’t know which was worse, not having Gerard in my life at all or having him in it like this. We never talk but on the rare occasion that we do, it’s always about Mikey or where he’s getting trashed tonight. I have so many cuts on my body, I look like a human knife sharpener. I just wish things would rewind, be normal again.
330 AM. Gerard slips in bed next to me, drunk as ever. He cuddles up next to me, the summer heat making it nearly unbearable; I don’t dare move though for this is the only physical contact we have anymore. In my distracted state, I just slip my shirt off, ah relief. Gerard whimpers in his sleep and I turn over and pull him into my arms. “I’m here baby, its okay.” To my surprise, he actually opens his eyes and kisses my lips.” I love you, Frankie.” “I love you too baby, forever.” With that, we fell asleep in each other’s arms. This is perfect, right? Then morning came.
I woke up and the sun was shinning. Shinning through the windows and across the bed, illuminating every self-inflicted cut I’d made since that day. I realized this and threw the covers over me and looked over. Gerard was no longer lying there; I breathed a heavy sigh of relief and got dressed. Where is Gerard? I got my answer as the smell of coffee invaded my nose. I was about to go downstairs when a thought crossed my mind bringing me to a dead halt. If Gee woke up before me...... I was too scared to let the thought fully develop. Frank you’re just being paranoid, he didn’t see them but as I tip-toed into the kitchen, I couldn’t quite convince myself…..
I took a step into the kitchen, no turning back now. “M-morning Gee.” He turned and ran at me full sped and held me so tight I couldn’t breathe. He started crying into my neck “I’m sorry baby, I’m so sorry!” Ok, so he definitely saw them. “Let me see them, Frankie,” “NO!” “Please.” Finally I relented. I slipped my shirt off and hung my head as he gazed upon my hate. Then, just as a tear slid its way down my cheek, Gee softly kissed every sliced I had carved. In that moment I felt my heart would burst with love. The next few hours were complete bliss. We snuggled up and watched movies all day. Even my parents yelling and disgust weren’t enough to ruin it. Then everything went horrible wrong. It started when the phone rang..
“Gerard?” nothing. “Gerard, talk to me.” But he didn’t speak. He didn’t blink, I don’t even think he breathed. He just stared blankly, mouth opened in a silent scream. “Hello?” Someone was saying on the line. I grabbed the phone. “Hello?” “Frank is that you?” “Yes Mrs. Way its Frank.” “Frank…Mikey…uh Mikey,” I silently pleaded for her not to go on. “Mikeys…gone.” I dropped the phone Gerard still hadn’t moved. “Baby, breathe” nothing. “Breathe” then he lost it. He jumped up, knocking me to the floor, and ran out the door. I didn’t move, I just sat there wanting the floor to swallow me up. I didn’t have to guess where Gerard went. I knew exactly where he went. On shaky legs I stood up and walked towards the Ways house. Sure enough, the backdoor stood wide open. I stepped inside and looked around, no Gerard. I made my way to the living room. My eyes immediately fell upon the liquor cabinet. The open liquor cabinet. I headed upstairs and looked in Gee’s room. Empty. Then I heard the sobbing. Sure enough there sat Gerard in Mikeys bed holding a stuffed unicorn in one hand, and a bottle in the other. “Gerard?” “Go.Away.Frank.” I moved closer and sat next to him. “Gerard…” I cradled his face in my hands. “DON’T FUCKIN TOUCH ME YOU MURDERER!!!!!!” the words slapping me almost as hard as his hand. I ran from the room as I tasted blood.
Murderer! It cut through me like a knife. He’s just upset over Mikey. No matter what, Gee loves me, right? That may have been easier to believe if I’d seen or heard from him in the past week. I knew what he was up to though. It killed me to know he was slowly drowning his pain in alcohol. I hated that he drank but I hated myself more for being the cause. I fell into my restless, nightmare-filled sleep to these thoughts. In my dreams Mikey was always there. “You should have loved me Frank. All you had to do was love me.” It was always those words I awoke to. Gerard was right, I’m just a pathetic murderer.
I woke to the screech or sirens. I realize the lights are flashing right outside my window. I run to my window and watch in horror as an unmoving Gerard is wheeled out and placed inside the ambulance. Oh no, oh no. I run downstairs and grab the keys. “Where the hell do you think you’re going?” I run past mom and out the door. I arrive at the hospital two minutes later. I asked what room he was in and hurried down the corridor. I entered his room and my heart shattered at the sight. Tubes ran in every direction, his eyes were closed, and his breathing was shallow. Mrs. Way looked ready to collapse and Mr. Way looked near looney. “W-what happened?” I was stuttering so bad, I don’t know how they understood me. “We found him unconscious, with a bunch of empty pill and liquor bottles.” I told them to go get some sleep, then I spent the night crying at Gee’s bedside.
“Where the hell am I?” I raised my head as soon as I heard him speak. “Gerard?” “What the hell are you doing here?” I looked at his hate-filled eyes and away again. “I’m here because I love you and wanted to make sure your okay.” “How dare you.” My eyes shot up “How fucking dare you. You killed Mikey! I hate you, Frank! I fucking hate you. You did this to me and you killed him!” I ran straight to the car and cried against the steering wheel, then all at once I stopped. I knew what I had to do.
I opened the door to my house without a sound. I walked into my room and sat on my bed. I finished writing and crept into the bathroom. Third drawer down on the left. It’s shiny coldness only fueled my cause. I plunged the blade deep into my wrist and widened the wound. I repeated on the other wrist and soon felt the pain flow out with the crimson. Tomorrow they’ll find my lifeless body and my letter saying…….
I cannot live another day. I killed Mikey, disgraced my parents, and hurt the one person I ever loved. Gerard, I’m sorry for all the pain I’ve caused you. I wish you true happiness. You were the only love I’ve ever known and I made you hate me. That’s in the past now because I’m in a place where I feel no pain, no fear, no regrets, and in this place I can finally say, I Don’t Love You…