The Stupid Boy and the Outsider Chapter 19
Kristine had just revealed that Joe told her about my counseling sessions, but just like Joe, he called it therapy. Not only that, but she did it in front of JD too. I knew that I'd never have my chance with JD, but I still couldn't help liking him and feeling embarrassed that he knew. I quietly walked to the parking lot and into the highlander. I knew that Maya and Nick could see that there was something wrong, but Kevin just gave them a look that told them not to say anything.
After a couple minutes of waiting Kevin went back to see why Joe was taking so long. When he came back he said Joe and JD got in a fight and that Pastor and Mrs. Jonas was going to pick him up.
I managed to keep my tears from falling until I was safe in Kevin's room so mom couldn't see. I openly wept as Kevin, Nick, and Maya tried to calm me down.
"Why don't you two go do your homework or something okay?" Kevin said. "I think Jackie needs some quiet time."
"Okay," Nick said. "Come on Maya." Maya gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek before leaving with Nick.
Kevin was sitting with his back against the wall while I was laying across his lap crying into a pillow. Kevin rubbed small circles on my back still trying to calm me down. I know I seem like a crybaby and I'm probably over reacting, but I guess this is why Mr. Barker doesn't like me keeping all my feelings bottled up; they tend to explode.
I heard the door open. When I looked up Joe was standing in the doorway.
"I gotta go," I said before running out of their room.
I ran home from the Jonas house and I was still crying. I went through the back door and just cried in the back yard. I knew if I went in the house mom would see me and want to talk. I guess I was crying a little louder than I thought because mom came out and engulfed me in a hug.
"What's wrong sweetie?" She asked concerned. I couldn't say anything. I was crying and hiccupping too much. She waited for my hiccups to slow down before saying, "Jackie, will you tell me what happened, please?"
"It's nothing," I told her.
"It wouldn't be nothing if it has you crying like this," she said stroking my hair.
"It... it was Joe," I said trying to calm down. I didn't want to tell her about the stuff Kristine said and implied so I just said, "He told Kristine about my counseling."
"Now why would Joe do that?"
"I don't know. Maybe he wasn't thinking. You know how he talks before he thinks."
"Well," mom said. "It isn't so bad. A lot of people talk to counselors."
"Mom he calls it therapy, he makes it sound a lot worse."
"Then just set them straight and tell them it's not therapy that it's counseling." She thinks it'll be that easy, but it won't.
I shook my head. "They won't believe that and it'll be all over school by tomorrow. Mom I don't want to go to school tomorrow, please don't let me go," I begged.
"Sweetie you can't just skip school." She tightened her hug and gave me a kiss on the top of my head.
"Fine," I said. The tears finally stopped and the hiccupping was at its minimum. "I guess I'll go do my homework then."
I walked up the stairs to my room. I really didn't want to do my homework. Ihardly ever did my homework anyway, which explains my C average. Instead Igrabbed the camera dad bought me for photography and walked out onto the balcony. I snapped a few shots before looking over to the Jonas house. Nick's bedroom window was right across from my balcony. It looked like he was writing a song. He looked up and did a double take before waving.
He opened the window and said, "How are you?"
"I'm okay," I said giving him a small smile. "I guess I over reacted a little bit. He probably didn't even mean to tell Kristine about counseling. You know how Joe is sometimes."
"That's true, but he didn't have to beat up JD." Nick shook his head. He and Maya didn't know about what Kristine said either. "I don't know what's going on with him, but it doesn't seem good."
"Maybe it's just a phase. It'll blow over soon... hopefully."
"I hope so. He kinda got upset with me a few minutes ago," Nick told me.
"I wrote a new song and I didn't think he'd want to hear it. When I went in their room I didn't know he was there, so when I saw him I guess I looked alittle suspicious or something and he said something about me turning against him."
"Why is he thinking everyone's against him?" I asked no one in particular. "If he's gonna be mad at anyone he should just stay mad at me. You guys didn't do anything."
"You didn't do anything either!"
"Well, apparently I did." I could see Nick was about to argue with me about it."Just forget about it," I said before he could say anything. "When are you guys going on a real tour?"
"Nice subject change," he said making me smile. "Well, we're going to do a mall show in about a month. Then there is two weeks where we're gonna play at a few schools after that, but I'm not sure if that's really gonna happen."
Nick and I kept talking about the band for a while. When dad got home I got him to convince mom to let me stay home from school.
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The next morning there was a knock on my door.
"Come in," I said in a hoarse voice.
"Jackie we already agreed to let you stay home today," mom said. "You don't have to fake sick."
I felt terrible, but I think it was from crying the whole night. Yes I cried... again and now my throat hurt as well as my nose... you know like when you laugh and water comes out your nose and it hurts, just like that, and to top it off Ihad a major headache. "I'm not faking," I said. "I don't feel so good."
"Okay sweetie, if you still feel sick tomorrow we'll go see a doctor." I just nodded since I didn't feel like talking. "Your dad and I are headed to work now okay?" I nodded again before she left my room.
I spent the whole day lying around the house. By noon I had written Ilana aletter, done my homework, and read The Gate to Women's Country. I still didn't feel any better, the headache was gone, but my nose and throat were still irritating me a little. The phone's been ringing a lot too. Berna tried calling during mid-morning and lunch, but I never answered, instead I let the answering machine get it, erasing the messages right after. I really didn't want to talk to anyone. Once 2:15 came around the calls came none stop until mom and dad came home.
"Jackie," dad said. "The answering machine is filled with messages."
"Don't worry it's only Berna," I told him. "If it were someone important Iwould have answered. Thank goodness for caller ID."
The phone rang and mom answered. "Hello Berna," she greeted. I just gave her puppy dog eyes, shaking my head. "Yes, Jackie's okay, she's just a little sick." There was a little pause before she continued to say, "She really doesn't feel like talking, her throat hurts a little bit." Another pause. "I'm not sure, Thursday was it?" Oh no, Berna told her about the auditions. "Well, I'm sure she'll be in school by Thursday if not tomorrow... Okay, bye." She hung up the phone and stared at me. "Why didn't you tell me you were auditioning for a singing contest?"
Dad walked around me to stand next to mom. I guess he wanted to know too. "I don't know. I didn't want to get your hopes up I guess... and mine too."
"Jackie I know you like to think that we don't hear you when you sing, but we do," dad said. "And you're really good."
"Sweetie, if you don't want to talk to us I can always try to reschedule you an appointment with Mr. Barker for tomorrow," mom said.
"Mom I don't need to..."
"I know you only have one session a month during the school year, but I'm more than willing to get you more sessions in a month," mom cut me off.
"Am I really that crazy that you need me to go to a counselor?" I asked her."Everyone already thinks of me as different, the outsider, the black sheep, afreak! But now I'm crazy too?"
"Jackie we don't think you're crazy," dad said.
"That's right, we don't think you're crazy or any of those things you said,"mom confirmed. "You just didn't talk to anyone; not to us, the Jonas's, not even Berna when you two became friends, we didn't know what to do." I could see the tears coming in her eyes now.
Dad gave me a hug and held me there for a minute while he said, "And if we thought you were crazy you'd be seeing a therapist not a counselor."
"That's a really bad joke dad," I said with a light laugh.
"But it got you to smile." He gave me a kiss on the forehead.
"I guess I just over reacted like I did yesterday. I'm such a drama queen," I said rolling my eyes.
Mom hugged me this time. The three of us were in the kitchen talking for about an hour. We agreed that I wasn't crazy, that I was just going to have one session with Mr. Barker once a month including summer, that I was gonna stay home tomorrow, and I agreed to talk to them more so that I'm not bottling up my feelings anymore. It isn't as simple as it seems, but it should have been simple enough to at least bring it up earlier. This is just a learning process I guess.
After dinner mom suggested that we watch a movie. When dad found out we were watching "Stepmom" he opted out and said he had some work to do. Mom and I both know that he just doesn't want to see a chick flick.
We were at the part where Julia Roberts's character just told Susan Sarandon's character about the future. "Don't you get it?" Julia acted. "Look down the road to her wedding. I'm in a room alone with her, fixing her veil, fluffing her dress, telling her no woman has ever looked so beautiful. And my fear is she'll be thinking, 'I wish my mom was here.'"
"And mine is... she won't," Susan acted in response. That's when mom paused the movie and set the remote on the coffee table.
"You know," she said. "Since we agreed to talk to each other, I think I should tell you... I feel the same way as Julia does."
I leaned over and gave her a hug. "Mom, I love you so much." I pulled away and looked down to my hands.
"What is it sweetie?" She asked.
"Well... honestly, I think I will be thinking that about my real mom." Mom just nodded and reached for the remote. "But that doesn't mean that I don't want you there. I just wish that I could share that moment with everyone I love."
She gave me a smile, a kiss on the forehead, and unpaused the movie. Things seem a little cornier than usual, but I know mom and dad would rather have it that way than having me be an emotional wreck every time something bad happens.