FicWad

Hopping into the warm, soapy bath water seemed to ease away Liz's aches and pains, she was crying because of him. The teen felt like an idiot for believing him when he said that he'd stop.

It was a lie and it hurt her more than it would ever hurt anyone else. For god's sake she loved him to death. But their relationship was slipping away, crumbling as her boyfriend dove deeper and deeper into the water.

She was depressed and loathed herself. Nobody seemed to care, other than her brother, but it wasn't the same. Liz didn't want to feel used, hurt, and broken just like all the last times, she wanted to feel alive but when it was only a grasp away, Liz fell.

Her friends try their best to keep the dark-haired girl from becoming a walking zombie, they were all desperate. As her will ebbed away he, one of the most single important people to her disappeared for awhile leaving Elizabeth shut out. Then when he came back, he again becomes her shelter.

Taking a deep breath Liz tried to steady sobs. Her makeup ran down her raw cheeks leaving blackened trails. The clear blue orbs became bloodshot and puffy. Wiping her face clean with the water she shifted their gaze to her razor.

'No' she shouted aloud. There was no way that she'd turn back. It was tempting. Her chest heaved with every breath, harder than usual. Dark thoughts swirled, she yearned to see blood once again.

Rubbing her scarred arm that was close to healing except a handful from last time, rather Liz wanted to erase. Tension lingered, thickening as each second rolled by. Liz pulled her legs to chest to think.

'I've made it this far, there's no way I'm in this alone. But why must he breaking my fucking heart every time I need him.'

This was enough. Standing up and wrapping her average body in her robe, the 16 year old stepped out of the tub and stood in front of the mirror.

'I'm so damned ugly, I wonder why they constantly tell me I'm pretty.' She felt her chest tighten. Oh god, Liz just wanted to be held firm, to be safe once again. Nothing she ever did anymore was the right thing, whether it was dressing the right way, the music she listened to or school. But Dylan was always there to protect her, but she kept it all in and her twin alone wasn't enough.

Shaking, she walked out of the bathroom on tiptoe down the hallway and collapsed on her bed. Idly reaching over onto the nightstand she grasped a safety pin. Fumbling with it with a blank stare she wanted to give in. Physical pain would numb the emotional pain once again like always. A safety pin wasn't usually her choice but it had to do, without being able to vent in his arms it was all pointless.

Pulling up her robe's sleeve Liz gently grazed the pin down her arm. The point didn't do much so she went back over again pressing harder. It hurt. Waiting a few seconds it numbed and swelled but still no blood. Closing her eyes she took a deep breath to for the third time drag the sharp point over the scratch as hard as she could.

"Fuck, that hurt more than I thought it would," mumbled Liz.

It did the job well. A sharp but tolerable pain shot upwards numbing her right arm as the warm crimson tinted liquid slowly oozed out. This felt good, like the pressure being released from pipe. She starred at her arm not hearing the knock on the door.

An accented laced voice broke the silence, "It's his damned fault again isn't it?" She looked up to her older twin standing in the doorway. She rolled down her sleeve.

Liz shook trying to hold back the tears. "No, it's my own for believing him. It's tares me apart every time I make a mistake." She pulled her legs to her chest.

Dylan shook his head and tried to approach his sister, "You are not stupid, and you wonder why I wish he'd just fucking rot in hell."

Her head shot up.

"Stay the hell away from me after all you're the one to truly talk. You put the same shit in your system as he does!"

His blue eyes blinked in shock. She was right he did and it hurt her to just not as much, what he did was lessening knowing how much is tore her. Biting his lip, starting to play with his lip ring Dylan stood there not knowing what to do.

"What happened..." his voice trailed off.

"Nothing. We were going to go to see a movie or whatever. Just something to do together and when I get to his house he's fucking high off his ass so I screamed he screamed back so I stormed out."

It was the truth. Usually she lied so her brother wouldn't think so lowly about her boyfriend. But this was it. She was fed up and wanted t die. Liz was starting to have second regrets of not taking the razor apart to end it all.

'After all who would miss me?'

"I sure as hell would miss you." Turning her head she noticed Dylan slipped in and was now sitting beside her on the bed. 'Damned twin telepathy.'

Liz tried to break a smile as he hugged and kissed her temple. Only it didn't work.

"I know, the thing is j.." The backdoor slammed. A shuffling of feet echoed down the hall to where he stood in her doorway. He stood up.

"You son of a bitch," yelled Dylan through his teeth, "Do u have any fucking clue what my sister, YOUR girlfriend has gone through today because of your shit-ass actions!" He had a stern face on, barely no one ever had to.

Matt's dark eyes were clearly bloodshot, but not as bad as when Liz saw him that morning lying on his couch.

Liz was smart, she knew what would come next it happened before. So before Matt could have a chance to shoot back she raised her voice.

"Dylan OUT NOW," she ordered in clear firm German. Not wanting test anything he just walked out brushing past Matt tempted to shove him into the wall but didn't.

Matt spoke up, "Please just listen, I'm sor.." he was interrupted by his on edge girlfriend.

"You know what, I'm getting sick of your shit, " She yelled standing up, " Every single fucking time you say that's it, you'll drop it but you don't. It hurts Matt don't you see that." It was it she was pushed over; falling to her knees she started to break down. He couldn't help but to look at her arm that was revealed, though the bleeding had stopped it bothered him.

He embraced her. "This time please, I understand how fed up you are with my shit. But like any other girl who just fucking left me you stayed. So after this morning I want to make it up to you by staying by your side."

'An Diener Seite.'

The hug was warm and by his tone she knew this time it was for real. She just cried harder barring her face in his chest.

In between sobs she could blurt out words, "Please never leave me again, I love you."

For the first time, after the many times the girl had said those three words to him it all clicked. He was sick of who he was and what he'd become. Especially since all it did was scar the one he cared about most despite the fact he barely showed it. Liz's cries slowed down and she found out she'd ended up in his lap on the ground.

"I never want you to leave me again. Every time I get you back I lose you which take a piece of me each time."

Wiping away her tears was a surprise to her. It was out of character for the Matt she knew, or maybe it was deeper. When the tears ceased to fall they just sat there talking about random stuff while he continued to hold her. Whether the boy realized it or not it was healing her. All the special things about her that he liked all came back to his mind the longer they talked.

Soon they ran out of things to talk about. So Matt dared to finally come out.

"I've hated myself for a long time, and when I make the people around me hurt it only gets worse. I want to trust myself as much as I trust you..."

Liz smiled warmly, he was finally opening up.

"So please I just want to let you know, even when I'm being a fucking idiot I DO love you."

Those three words hit Liz like a ton of bricks. So he had loved her which was surreal, her numbed body began t warm up as she blushed which caused her boyfriend to laugh. He kissed her cheek lightly to get her attention. Turning her head she gazed at him directly. Before she knew it his lips were pressed firmly on hers. At first she stiffened up but gave in pressing back. It was warm filling her up. He pulled away and bumped heads her and smirked at her surprised expression which just turned into a small smile.

Barring herself into his safe arms wishing to fall asleep all she could murmur was, "Just never leave me standing alone again, and if you do I'll always be here waiting."

Matt smiled and kissed the top of her head. She'd have his heart always.