Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > How To Bang Miley Cyrus by Gerard Way
Rule #4
Author's note!
The story's right there! xD i just need to give you some translations for those of you that don't speak spanish. I don't! :D
I take italian which wasn't very smart of me, since most people now spanish as a first or second language.
Spanish:Cierre joder o el salto la frontera! Capisce?!
English: Shut the fuck up or hop the border!
Por qué no se callarán estos niños?!
Why won't these kids shutup?!
Como somos anos!
Cuz were assholes.
Hembra de sayonara!
Sayanara, bitch!
---Gerard's P.OV.---
I'm feeling musical today! I know just the song to sing!
"La la la la! La la la la! Elmo's world! Dun dun dun! La la la la! La la la la! Elmo's world! He plays the-...", I was singing as loudly as possible, skipping down the hallways of high school to my first class of the day when someone rudely interrupted me! How rude!
"Hello chap! Oh how lovely to see thee!", said an odd looking Bob.
Bob... looks like a faggot. Why is he talking in an English accent? Where's my real friend Bob who acts like a loveable doofus?!
"Uhh... Hello? What the fuck... happened to you? Did some English hobo on the street kidnap you and then fooled with your brain?", I asked.
"No, no young lad! Hahahaha! Youngins! Would you like some faggot?"
"If I would like some of you?!", I said as got a grip on Bob.
"What's the meaning of this?!"
"You are the faggot."
"...What... Oh! No! I did not mean your silly American slang! I meant this British delicacy.", said Bob, taking a bite out of that... what is that?
"Uhh. It looks like crap. Where are we?"
"High School. Silly bunny. You really do look like a bunny. And this my friend, is like an American meatball!"
"I mean where in the world?! And that thing looks like crap on a fork!"
"America! Are we studying for Global? Do not insult my food!", said an angry Bob.
"HELL NO I DO NOT STUDY FOR GLOBAL! Now! Since we are in America, you act American!"
“Ok, fine! I won’t be an Englishman. Pooper. I just goin’ talk like dees.”, said Bob in a very good Spanish accent.
“Cierre joder o el salto la frontera! Capisce?!”, yelled Gerard.
“¡Cierre… joder o el sal-… Hey! I’m not doing well in Spanish! That last part was in Italian by the way. How can you say that perfectly, and yet you suck at Spanish.”
“He’s a dipshit! That’s why! He spends his time obsessed over Miss Miley and the dare. And lemme tell you, he looks frikn’ evil. This one time, I went into his room and…”, said Mikey, completely out of nowhere.
Actually, we were all conveniently standing near Mikey’s locker. Hah. I didn’t notice that. Ooh, his locker’s pretty neat.
What’s this?! ‘Pictures taken of Gerard when he’s not looking that look funny.’
What the hell?! I scanned the pictures and man, they were all so random.
…OH MY FUCKING GOD! HE TOOK A PICTURE OF ME SLEEPING! DOING…STUFF…WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL…
I’m picking my nose… Then another of me wiping it under the coffee table…
I’m planning on my dare scheme. Hah, I look awesome. I look evil too. Sweeeeeet.
Oh look. Here I am with my mouth wide open, looking like I’m staring at dad… Oh Jesus. I was staring at a girl behind him! Hmph.
Haha! Aww look at me! He morphed me with animals! I am one vicious wolfdude. Ew, He took my head and pasted it on a cockroach’s’ body. Stupid thing.
This boy is dead dork meat. Hehehe, I’ll just take this for future reference.
Idiot. He’s talking with Bob and didn’t even notice me taking his book.
I would make one frikn’ awesome criminal. Or maybe Mikey’s just an idiot. Hah, freshmen.
“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”, laughed Bob and Mikey in unison.
“What the hell are you laughing at?”, I asked.
“At how much you suck in Spanish, dude. I mean seriously, when you speak Spanish, lose the white boy accent.”, said Bob.
“HAHA! He called you a white boy! HAHA!”, yelled Mikey.
“…If I’m a white boy, he called you that too, stupid. Ah mi Dios!”, I said.
Oh yeah, he shut up. How can you backtalk to me anyways? I simply always win.
“Hmph. Bob you suck! I thought we were on the same team!”, said Mikey while trying to punch Bob, which made almost no effect. One, Mikey was a lot smaller and fourteen years old and did not compare to a seventeen year old. Bob merely pushed him and he fell in his locker.
When he got up I said, “Haha! I should do that to you!”
“Do what?!”, asked Mikey.
“This!”, I replied before doing what I planned.
I pushed him into his locker and he easily fit in. Then quickly closed it. Of course, if I made a mistake I could always try again! Honestly wasn’t too hard. Hehe.
“HEY! GET ME OUT OF HERE! STUPID SENIORS! I HATE YOU GUYS!”, screamed Mikey and pounding on the locker.
“HAHAHAHA! No! See you later! I don’t have to drive an extra person home! Saving gas money! Yesh!”, said I.
“Hehe, Gerard that makes no sense whatsoever, but that was pretty funny! Hey, look! Your obsession is walking this way.”, said Bob.
Ooh. There she was. She has little make up on and she’s wearing tight pants, along with a light pink tank top. Her not having a boyfriend does wonders. Wow.
“Ooh. I’m gonna go fulfill my destiny. MWAHAHAHAHA!”, I said, which creeped out Bob.
“Yooooo! Chill! I’m gonna go to Chem early! God, I hate that Spanish lady who talks to us in gibberish! Ugh! So annoying. Anyways, see ya later.”, Bob said as he ran off to Chemistry!
“She’s speaking Spanish dude! In chemistry, which is real weird though.”, I shouted.
Speaking broken English and partial Spanish is not gonna help my Chem. Grade. God.
Well anyways, it’s time to fulfill rule number five! Hehehe, she can’t not push me away. Look at her. All alone at her locker, even Tara’s avoiding her.
“Hey, Miley. Uhh, I now I never talk to you… and uhh… Well, you looked kinda sad and umm, I inda sorta just wanted… to erm… see if you were alright…”, I said, falsely of course. MWHAHAHA!
“…You’re serious now? No playing? I don’t believe it.”, Miley replied.
Hah. This is actually my first real conversation with her in my whole life. Feels weird talking while I’m doing the dare. Hehehe. I love it, I feel evil!
“If I was kidding, would I be doing this?”, I asked.
I then began to kiss her, but when I was a centimeter away, she kicked me in the guess where? The place where the sun don’t shine. Yep, you got it. Hurt like a mother!
“Ew! What the fuck are you doing?!”, Miley questioned.
“Heh. Well it worked in all those crappy sappy love movies!” I retorted.
“Number fuckin’ one! We are not in a movie! Number two! We are most certainly not in love!”, screamed Miley.
“It seemed a good idea at the time! You can’t blame a guy for wanting to help a girl! God! Well, ok. We can do this slower!”, I said.
“Hellz no biatch! Get the motherfuckers away from me!”, Miley replied.
“Oh! Such a dirty girl! Bad girls need to be taught a lesson! Rawr!”, I said as seductively as I could. Obviously it did not look like it worked when she said “Ew! Emo fucker can’t get a lay?! Get a leech and stick it down your pants! I’d suck until you lie dead on the ground with nothing left! Good?”, Miley said rather harshly.
“Oh that’s clever, girl! See ya on da flip side! Or whatever the fuck you preps say! Like, bye!”, I yelled whilst going to Chemistry.
Or should I say Spanish? Hah. Whatever, I don’t learn anything in either!
The bell rang which signaled the start of the first period.
Hehehe, I see Mikey got out of the locker! Wow he looks mad at me. Glaring isn’t going to do anything. Hah. Stupid honor student. Weirdo can’t do other things besides studying and being a damn mamma’s boy.
“You are going to be in trouble, mister.”, Mikey said randomly.
“Hah. You wish. Hi, Ray! I didn’t see you this morning! Where were you, doll?!”, I said.
“¡¿Por qué no se callarán estos niños?!”, said the teacher.
“¡Como somos anos!”, I said.
And of course every head snapped in my direction and the teacher’s. Of course everyone knew what that meant. Boy, if looks could kill, the class would be dead.
“Excuse me?! And speak English!”, said the teacher.
Haha. The classic ‘excuse me’ and then glare. They should use something else to scare us, like a raccoon. Stupid raccoons. Fuckin’ scary! Beady little eyes and foamy mouth. Nasty shits!
“Why? You obviously understand Spanish much better and you never answer me in English anyways!”
“…What?! Leave my classroom! Now!”, said the bitchy chemistry teacher.
“Exactly my point. Hembra de sayonara!”, I said as I left and flipped her the finger. I’ll probably get into huge mega trouble tomorrow, but I really couldn’t care less!
“Hey! Does that mean I don’t get a ride home?! Wait!”, I heard Mikey speak. Haha. Loser!
Hehehe, I’m gonna sip and sing out the school and get in my car.
“Gimme a sign! Hit me baby one more time! Oh Oh Oh!”
Ah. Guilty pleasure! I must admit.
Ooh! Miley’s class right now. Lemme give her that point and wink thingy. Hehehe.
-point and wink-
HAHAHAHA! She mouthed ew and gave me the finger. She wants me. –cocks eyebrows-
Out the door I go! Woo!
“Freedom, baybeh!”
I walked out onto the street and froze at what was coming my way.
Oh shit…
Rule #4: Trying to get a girl by copying a sappy love movie will NOT work.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Authors note!
Woo! Finally! Another chapter!
Sorry it's been long! I've been busy with work and stressed out and stuff.
How is this chapter?! The next chapter I've planned out funnier things btw! I just wanted to mention that. haha.
Comments please? :D
Comments make my stressed out day mucho better! You want that right? That means, I'm funnier, I can update more, and you will also be happy. :D
Alright, so I now you don't want ot hear about my stress at the moment, but I wanna vent haha! So I'm a sophomore at my high school and I take chemistry. I shoulda gotten into chem honors but my school is really shit. -_- ...Catholic school.
I got this spanish teaching chemistry teacher who is effing dumb and cant teach shit! I ask her one thing, she thinks I mean something else and answers me that. If I say wtf, i dont understand you dude, she just repeats herself. She does not teach! Goddamnit.
So today i failed a quiz she gave. I wa absent a couple days so i didnt get ntes, no shit, there was a chart on there she didnt tell me about, and some questions that she said we had to pay attention in class for. The thing was, I wasnt in class. I SPENT MY DAY VOMITING! I SHOULDA STAYED AT SCHOOL THAT DAY AND VOMITED ON HER! BE LIKE COME HERE I NEED HELP! BAAAAAHHHH!
Vomit all over her slutty shirt!
And she wont even let me take it over or anything! Jesus christ help me!
Nobody likes her anyways, so if i complain, i'm backed up 1000%. :D
You can tell in my chapter i wrote here, that I took out some of my day on there. xD hehe
And to add up to my workloaded in these couple of weeks, my dad thinks its fun to bother people in drunken stupors! I don't even wana get started!
Hehe, ok i'm done. If you read this, kudos for you. :D
I'll give you a prize. take the cookie. xD-gives cookie-
any flavor! or you can get a burger or something. xD
Author's note!
The story's right there! xD i just need to give you some translations for those of you that don't speak spanish. I don't! :D
I take italian which wasn't very smart of me, since most people now spanish as a first or second language.
Spanish:Cierre joder o el salto la frontera! Capisce?!
English: Shut the fuck up or hop the border!
Por qué no se callarán estos niños?!
Why won't these kids shutup?!
Como somos anos!
Cuz were assholes.
Hembra de sayonara!
Sayanara, bitch!
---Gerard's P.OV.---
I'm feeling musical today! I know just the song to sing!
"La la la la! La la la la! Elmo's world! Dun dun dun! La la la la! La la la la! Elmo's world! He plays the-...", I was singing as loudly as possible, skipping down the hallways of high school to my first class of the day when someone rudely interrupted me! How rude!
"Hello chap! Oh how lovely to see thee!", said an odd looking Bob.
Bob... looks like a faggot. Why is he talking in an English accent? Where's my real friend Bob who acts like a loveable doofus?!
"Uhh... Hello? What the fuck... happened to you? Did some English hobo on the street kidnap you and then fooled with your brain?", I asked.
"No, no young lad! Hahahaha! Youngins! Would you like some faggot?"
"If I would like some of you?!", I said as got a grip on Bob.
"What's the meaning of this?!"
"You are the faggot."
"...What... Oh! No! I did not mean your silly American slang! I meant this British delicacy.", said Bob, taking a bite out of that... what is that?
"Uhh. It looks like crap. Where are we?"
"High School. Silly bunny. You really do look like a bunny. And this my friend, is like an American meatball!"
"I mean where in the world?! And that thing looks like crap on a fork!"
"America! Are we studying for Global? Do not insult my food!", said an angry Bob.
"HELL NO I DO NOT STUDY FOR GLOBAL! Now! Since we are in America, you act American!"
“Ok, fine! I won’t be an Englishman. Pooper. I just goin’ talk like dees.”, said Bob in a very good Spanish accent.
“Cierre joder o el salto la frontera! Capisce?!”, yelled Gerard.
“¡Cierre… joder o el sal-… Hey! I’m not doing well in Spanish! That last part was in Italian by the way. How can you say that perfectly, and yet you suck at Spanish.”
“He’s a dipshit! That’s why! He spends his time obsessed over Miss Miley and the dare. And lemme tell you, he looks frikn’ evil. This one time, I went into his room and…”, said Mikey, completely out of nowhere.
Actually, we were all conveniently standing near Mikey’s locker. Hah. I didn’t notice that. Ooh, his locker’s pretty neat.
What’s this?! ‘Pictures taken of Gerard when he’s not looking that look funny.’
What the hell?! I scanned the pictures and man, they were all so random.
…OH MY FUCKING GOD! HE TOOK A PICTURE OF ME SLEEPING! DOING…STUFF…WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL…
I’m picking my nose… Then another of me wiping it under the coffee table…
I’m planning on my dare scheme. Hah, I look awesome. I look evil too. Sweeeeeet.
Oh look. Here I am with my mouth wide open, looking like I’m staring at dad… Oh Jesus. I was staring at a girl behind him! Hmph.
Haha! Aww look at me! He morphed me with animals! I am one vicious wolfdude. Ew, He took my head and pasted it on a cockroach’s’ body. Stupid thing.
This boy is dead dork meat. Hehehe, I’ll just take this for future reference.
Idiot. He’s talking with Bob and didn’t even notice me taking his book.
I would make one frikn’ awesome criminal. Or maybe Mikey’s just an idiot. Hah, freshmen.
“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”, laughed Bob and Mikey in unison.
“What the hell are you laughing at?”, I asked.
“At how much you suck in Spanish, dude. I mean seriously, when you speak Spanish, lose the white boy accent.”, said Bob.
“HAHA! He called you a white boy! HAHA!”, yelled Mikey.
“…If I’m a white boy, he called you that too, stupid. Ah mi Dios!”, I said.
Oh yeah, he shut up. How can you backtalk to me anyways? I simply always win.
“Hmph. Bob you suck! I thought we were on the same team!”, said Mikey while trying to punch Bob, which made almost no effect. One, Mikey was a lot smaller and fourteen years old and did not compare to a seventeen year old. Bob merely pushed him and he fell in his locker.
When he got up I said, “Haha! I should do that to you!”
“Do what?!”, asked Mikey.
“This!”, I replied before doing what I planned.
I pushed him into his locker and he easily fit in. Then quickly closed it. Of course, if I made a mistake I could always try again! Honestly wasn’t too hard. Hehe.
“HEY! GET ME OUT OF HERE! STUPID SENIORS! I HATE YOU GUYS!”, screamed Mikey and pounding on the locker.
“HAHAHAHA! No! See you later! I don’t have to drive an extra person home! Saving gas money! Yesh!”, said I.
“Hehe, Gerard that makes no sense whatsoever, but that was pretty funny! Hey, look! Your obsession is walking this way.”, said Bob.
Ooh. There she was. She has little make up on and she’s wearing tight pants, along with a light pink tank top. Her not having a boyfriend does wonders. Wow.
“Ooh. I’m gonna go fulfill my destiny. MWAHAHAHAHA!”, I said, which creeped out Bob.
“Yooooo! Chill! I’m gonna go to Chem early! God, I hate that Spanish lady who talks to us in gibberish! Ugh! So annoying. Anyways, see ya later.”, Bob said as he ran off to Chemistry!
“She’s speaking Spanish dude! In chemistry, which is real weird though.”, I shouted.
Speaking broken English and partial Spanish is not gonna help my Chem. Grade. God.
Well anyways, it’s time to fulfill rule number five! Hehehe, she can’t not push me away. Look at her. All alone at her locker, even Tara’s avoiding her.
“Hey, Miley. Uhh, I now I never talk to you… and uhh… Well, you looked kinda sad and umm, I inda sorta just wanted… to erm… see if you were alright…”, I said, falsely of course. MWHAHAHA!
“…You’re serious now? No playing? I don’t believe it.”, Miley replied.
Hah. This is actually my first real conversation with her in my whole life. Feels weird talking while I’m doing the dare. Hehehe. I love it, I feel evil!
“If I was kidding, would I be doing this?”, I asked.
I then began to kiss her, but when I was a centimeter away, she kicked me in the guess where? The place where the sun don’t shine. Yep, you got it. Hurt like a mother!
“Ew! What the fuck are you doing?!”, Miley questioned.
“Heh. Well it worked in all those crappy sappy love movies!” I retorted.
“Number fuckin’ one! We are not in a movie! Number two! We are most certainly not in love!”, screamed Miley.
“It seemed a good idea at the time! You can’t blame a guy for wanting to help a girl! God! Well, ok. We can do this slower!”, I said.
“Hellz no biatch! Get the motherfuckers away from me!”, Miley replied.
“Oh! Such a dirty girl! Bad girls need to be taught a lesson! Rawr!”, I said as seductively as I could. Obviously it did not look like it worked when she said “Ew! Emo fucker can’t get a lay?! Get a leech and stick it down your pants! I’d suck until you lie dead on the ground with nothing left! Good?”, Miley said rather harshly.
“Oh that’s clever, girl! See ya on da flip side! Or whatever the fuck you preps say! Like, bye!”, I yelled whilst going to Chemistry.
Or should I say Spanish? Hah. Whatever, I don’t learn anything in either!
The bell rang which signaled the start of the first period.
Hehehe, I see Mikey got out of the locker! Wow he looks mad at me. Glaring isn’t going to do anything. Hah. Stupid honor student. Weirdo can’t do other things besides studying and being a damn mamma’s boy.
“You are going to be in trouble, mister.”, Mikey said randomly.
“Hah. You wish. Hi, Ray! I didn’t see you this morning! Where were you, doll?!”, I said.
“¡¿Por qué no se callarán estos niños?!”, said the teacher.
“¡Como somos anos!”, I said.
And of course every head snapped in my direction and the teacher’s. Of course everyone knew what that meant. Boy, if looks could kill, the class would be dead.
“Excuse me?! And speak English!”, said the teacher.
Haha. The classic ‘excuse me’ and then glare. They should use something else to scare us, like a raccoon. Stupid raccoons. Fuckin’ scary! Beady little eyes and foamy mouth. Nasty shits!
“Why? You obviously understand Spanish much better and you never answer me in English anyways!”
“…What?! Leave my classroom! Now!”, said the bitchy chemistry teacher.
“Exactly my point. Hembra de sayonara!”, I said as I left and flipped her the finger. I’ll probably get into huge mega trouble tomorrow, but I really couldn’t care less!
“Hey! Does that mean I don’t get a ride home?! Wait!”, I heard Mikey speak. Haha. Loser!
Hehehe, I’m gonna sip and sing out the school and get in my car.
“Gimme a sign! Hit me baby one more time! Oh Oh Oh!”
Ah. Guilty pleasure! I must admit.
Ooh! Miley’s class right now. Lemme give her that point and wink thingy. Hehehe.
-point and wink-
HAHAHAHA! She mouthed ew and gave me the finger. She wants me. –cocks eyebrows-
Out the door I go! Woo!
“Freedom, baybeh!”
I walked out onto the street and froze at what was coming my way.
Oh shit…
Rule #4: Trying to get a girl by copying a sappy love movie will NOT work.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Authors note!
Woo! Finally! Another chapter!
Sorry it's been long! I've been busy with work and stressed out and stuff.
How is this chapter?! The next chapter I've planned out funnier things btw! I just wanted to mention that. haha.
Comments please? :D
Comments make my stressed out day mucho better! You want that right? That means, I'm funnier, I can update more, and you will also be happy. :D
Alright, so I now you don't want ot hear about my stress at the moment, but I wanna vent haha! So I'm a sophomore at my high school and I take chemistry. I shoulda gotten into chem honors but my school is really shit. -_- ...Catholic school.
I got this spanish teaching chemistry teacher who is effing dumb and cant teach shit! I ask her one thing, she thinks I mean something else and answers me that. If I say wtf, i dont understand you dude, she just repeats herself. She does not teach! Goddamnit.
So today i failed a quiz she gave. I wa absent a couple days so i didnt get ntes, no shit, there was a chart on there she didnt tell me about, and some questions that she said we had to pay attention in class for. The thing was, I wasnt in class. I SPENT MY DAY VOMITING! I SHOULDA STAYED AT SCHOOL THAT DAY AND VOMITED ON HER! BE LIKE COME HERE I NEED HELP! BAAAAAHHHH!
Vomit all over her slutty shirt!
And she wont even let me take it over or anything! Jesus christ help me!
Nobody likes her anyways, so if i complain, i'm backed up 1000%. :D
You can tell in my chapter i wrote here, that I took out some of my day on there. xD hehe
And to add up to my workloaded in these couple of weeks, my dad thinks its fun to bother people in drunken stupors! I don't even wana get started!
Hehe, ok i'm done. If you read this, kudos for you. :D
I'll give you a prize. take the cookie. xD-gives cookie-
any flavor! or you can get a burger or something. xD
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