Categories > Cartoons > G.I. Joe

Cartoon Heroes

by RedWitch 1 Reviews

While the Joes watch some cartoons that have a familiar ring to them, Beach Head learns it's not nice to mess with the Lady Joes.

Category: G.I. Joe - Rating: PG - Genres: Humor - Characters: Beach Head, Cobra Commander, Destro, Hawk, Lady Jaye, Scarlett - Published: 2005/05/13 - Updated: 2005/05/13 - 1318 words - Complete

Disclaimer: I do not own GI Joe, COBRA, Powerpuff Girls, or Batman Beyond. This is just a bit of silliness I thought up. Plus, is it just me or does anyone else see some surprising similarities in a few episodes of Batman Beyond?


Cartoon Heroes
"NO! NOT THAT! ANYTHING BUT THAT! HELP!"
Beach Head's screams of agony could be heard all the way down the hall. Several Joes raced to the rec room to see what was going on. They were astonished to find Beach Head tied to a chair with duct tape. Cover Girl and several other female Joes were taunting him with the remote control while the Powerpuff Girls were playing on the big screen TV at full blast.
"No! Please! No!" Beach Head begged. "I can't stand girly shows!"
"Too bad!" Cover Girl stuck her tongue out at him. "Girl Power rules Beach Head! Remember that!"
"No! Help. Must...resist...pink...colors...cuteness...unbearable!" Beach Head shuddered. "Will you people stop laughing and help me!"
"I think I shall never see, a sight that is funnier than thee," Roadblock laughed. "Tell me fair ladies, what did he do to provoke all of you?"
"He made a few, shall we say... unwise comments about women fighting," Lady Jaye gave an evil grin.
"Particularly women leading in the military," Scarlet smirked.
"It wasn't very nice at all," Bree grinned.
"So we thought we'd give Beach Head a lesson in female empowerment," Jinx winked. "A little sensitivity training of our own."
"Will one of you guys do something?!" Beach Head shouted.
"Certainly," Low Light said. "Anybody got a camera?"
"Hey! Let's tape this!" Mainframe held up a portable digital recorder. "Okay! Go!"
"This is not funny!" Beach Head whined. "Isn't torturing people with cartoons against the Geneva Convention or something?"
His pleas for help were ignored as the girls danced around him singing the Powerpuff theme song.
"Blossom, commander and the leader!" Scarlet sang.
"Bubbles, she is the joy and the laughter!" Bree joined in.
"Buttercup, and she's the toughest fighter!" Lady Jaye sang.
"Powerpuffs save the day!" Nearly everyone in the room joined in, including some of the guys. "Fighting crime, trying to save the world. Here they come just in time, the Powerpuff Girls!"
"It's official, I'm in hell," Beach Head moaned. "General at least write them up or something!"
General Hawk, Duke and Flint were sitting at a table in the corner of the room, wisely keeping their distance. "I don't see anything, do you see anything?" Duke asked Flint.
"Nothing," Flint replied, calmly drinking his coffee. "Nothing at all!"
"General..." Beach Head pleaded.
"Oh don't get me involved in this," Hawk said. "Besides, it's your own fault you got in this mess. Don't come crying to me for help."
"You're the general! You're in charge!" Beach Head shouted.
"So, what makes you think that will help any?" Hawk commented. "I'm brave, not suicidal. And unlike you, I know when to keep my mouth shut."
"Beach Head if I were you, I'd apologize," Roadblock advised. "Failure to do so might mean your demise!"
"OKAY! OKAY! I ADMIT IT! I WAS WRONG! I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! WOMEN ARE JUST AS QUALIFIED AS MEN TO BE LEADERS! NOW WILL YOU PLEASE LET ME GO? PLEAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSEEEE?"
"Ladies, I believe the man has seen the error of his ways," Cover Girl smirked as she cut him loose.
Hawk laughed and went over to pick up Beach Head who had fallen on his knees. "C'mon Beach Head, let's go back to the office and work on some nice quiet requisition forms."
The Joes laughed as Hawk led the wobbly Beach Head away. "Hey let's watch some more cartoons!" Bree spoke up.
"Okay, but let some of us guys pick one this time, just to be fair," Dusty said.
"Okay, here ya go," Scarlet tossed the remote control to Mainframe. He clicked onto a few until he came to one station.
"Batman Beyond," Low Light nodded his approval. "Good choice."
"I never saw this," said Lady Jaye. "Now that's the new guy who's the new Batman right?"
"Yup, hey..." Mainframe startled as he listened to the dialog. "What did he just say?" He turned up the volume. Bruce Wayne was telling the new Batman about a terrorist group.
"It's the symbol of a terrorist group called KOBRA..." As Bruce Wayne spoke the jaw of all the Joes dropped.
"Did he just say...?"
"KOBRA?"
"What the...?"
"I don't believe it!" Mainframe said. "Look, even the logo is nearly the same!"
"Hey look at this guy!" Cover Girl pointed to the screen. "False Face? Hey doesn't he remind you of somebody we know?"
"False Face my eye! That's Zartan with a crew cut!" Gung Ho said in disbelief.
"Wait a minute, use biological weapons to infect the population if they didn't get a ransom?" said Flint. "Didn't COBRA try that already?"
"Yeah but I don't think that their plan was as clever as this one."
They watched the entire episode making comments and jokes. "Look, there's another episode on! Must be a marathon on," Lady Jaye said. "Let's watch it!"
"Why not?" Alpine shrugged as they watched some more.
"Here's KOBRA again!" Dusty said.
"You know I thought the real COBRA outfits were dorky enough but these guys look even worse!" Gung Ho laughed.
"Oh my sweet momma," said Alpine. "Take a gander at their leader!"
"Great. Just perfect," Gung Ho groaned. "It's Serpentor as a teen-ager!"
"Serpentor with acne," Dusty mused. "Now that is a question I wish went unanswered."
"Think that's bad, look at the 400 pound Dr. Mindbender clone over there," Alpine pointed out.
"It's a good thing Sgt. Slaughter is off base otherwise we wouldn't have a TV," Flint joked.
"Wait a minute..." Roadblock, said. "De-evolve people into lizards? Didn't we see something like this a while back?"
"Uh huh," Flint nodded.
"I wonder if anyone at COBRA is watching this?" Lady Jaye mused.
"Nah," Gung Ho shook his head. "Old snake face wouldn't be caught dead watching kiddie shows. He'll never know."
Meanwhile....
"I'LL SUE! I AM GOING TO MAKE THOSE WRITERS PAY IF IT IS THE LAST THING I DO!"
Destro dodged another flying chair as he tried to pacify Cobra Commander. "Commander please! This is behavior unseemly for our leader!"
"I DON'T CARE! THEY ARE MAKING A MOCKERY OF THIS ORGANIZATION! I'LL SUE! I'LL SUE! I'LL SUE!" Cobra Commander threw himself on the floor kicking and screaming.
"Fine, we'll get the twins to look into that," Destro sighed realizing it was going to be another one of those days.
"They are even stealing our ideas!" Cobra Commander sulked after his tantrum. "They're just putting a different twist on them! It's not fair! It's not fair!"
"Calm down my dear Cobra Commander," Destro patted his shoulder. "It's okay."
"No it's not okay. It's not! It's not!"
"Well, at least they didn't make a parody of you."
"Why do you think I'm so ticked off!" Cobra Commander jumped to his feet. "Instead they chose that...that pretender! Why chose him when they could have had me? Why? Why not me! I should be the one leading the organization! I should be leading KOBRA!"
"You are again, Commander. Serpentor's gone. Remember?"
"Not COBRA! KOBRA! On the cartoon! I should be the one on the TV! Me! It should be mine all mine!" Cobra Commander raced away to destroy something else. Destro put his head in his hands. He looked like he was about to cry.
"I hate cartoons," Destro grumbled.
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