Funny one-shot. Frank makes Bob go speed-dating, he meets some 'interesting' people
For this story the present text will be in bold and the other (flashbacks) will be just normal, Enjoy :)
Bob sat down next to Mikey on the sofa of the bus, laughing to himself as he remembered the time Frank made him go to a restraunt that was having a speed dating night.
"Just go, the worst that can happen is that you come home with no date, which is how you started so it doesn't matter" said Frank as he pondered between a purple bow tie and a green one.
"Urgh if I go will you stop bugging me?" Bob said stuffing both tie's back in the draw.
Frank nodded enthusiastically, holding up a silk black tie to Bob's neck.
"No Frank! No tie's, suits or cufflinks. Jeans and t-shirt will do" said Bob shoving Frank out of his room so he could get changed.
Finally he came out into the living room in his choice of clothes, Black misfits t-shirt and some jeans. His hair was a little bit messy but nothing too scruffy. Bob saw that nobody was around so he made a quick escape before they all hounded him with 'advice' and questions.
The speed date restraunt was about five minutes away and Bob parked his car when he arrived. When he walked in he spotted a two seater table over in the corner so he quickly went over and sat down. He sipped at the water that the waiter placed in front of him, he was getting bored until someone spoke to the room through a microphone.
"Could everyone please take there seats at a table. When the bell rings it means the females must move onto the next table. Each round will last about 3-5 minutes. Enjoy the night"
The bell rang and Bob started to get nervous, wonderin what kind of people the night would bring.
The Sex Addict
"Hey Im Lisa and Im horny, satisfy me" said a giggly red head as she sat down opposite Bob. He was quite shocked at how forward she was, when he didnt answer her she pulled out a small book from her bag, Mind Sex
Bob tried not to laugh especially when the girl started moaning as she chewed on a breadstick. She looked up at him and placed her book down on the table.
"Wanna have sex with me?" she said
"Erm, I dont even know you" said Bob
"So? You wont have to remember my name, one night stand sort of thing" she said, playing with her hair as she stared at Bob. Once again Bob didn't answer, he was caught off guard at how sexually frustrated this girl was. She had picked her book up again and was what looked like pleasuring herself under the table.
"Are you okay?" Bob asked, trying to get her to stop whatever she was doing.
"Im..uh..fine" she said, trying to catch her breath.
Finally the three mintues was over and the girl got up to leave, taking her book with her. "It was nice to meet you, I guess" she said shaking Bob's hand with her free one.
Bob: note to self, wash hands before touching anything else
The Paranoid one
"Hi, Im Bob why dont you sit down" he said as a blonde haired girl approached the table.
"Why? What did you do to the chair? Its broke isnt it?" she said shaking the chair to make sure it was stable. Bob's eyes grew wide, another loon.
"So whats your name then?" he asked when she had finally sat down and composed herself.
"Are you from the FBI? Do you want my name for a survey? Why cant you people leave me alone!" she said, raising her voice dramatically. Bob smacked his head in his hands, whatever
he said would get turned around into something it wasnt so he decided to tread carefully.
"No Im not from the FBI Im...." he was cut off
"The mafia? Your in the mafia aren't you? I knew it! You have that 'im a russian gangsta' look about you!" she said rambling on to Bob who was getting annoyed
"Im trying to say that I was just wondering your name so I dont have to call you 'she'" he told her
"Call me she? Who to, who are you going to talk about me to? The police?"
He groaned and slumped his shoulders, she was a tad paranoid. Thankfully the bell rang and she had to move on, he didn't even bother saying goodbye, afraid of what she might accuse him of.
The Skitzophrenic one
"Hey I'm Bob, Im not in the mafia and your chair is fine" he said to the girl approaching his table. She looked at him slightly confused but sat down anyway.
"Hey, Im Susan" she said reaching out her hand for Bob to shake. He used his un contaminated hand to greet her back, feeling a bit better that she seemed normal.
"So what are your interests Susan?" he asked her.
"Well I like to do horse riding, I have my own stables and I love drawing" she told him
Bob smiled, finally one that was going okay. "That sounds great, do you play any instruments?"
"No but I always..."
"Hi Im Jenny" said the same girl that was sitting in front of him. Bob grinned, thinking it was a joke but the girl just stared at him confused,
"What's funny? Do I have something in my teeth?" she said rubbing her tounge over them. Bob frowned, he didn't have a clue what was going on.
"Never mind" he said, giving up on this one too.
"I always wanted to play the saxaphone though" she said.
"Susan?" Bob said
"Yes what is it Bob?" she asked him
He shook his head, too bemused for words. The bell rang and she got up, "It was nice talking to you, bye Bob" she waved
He waved back, "You too Jenny, Susan, whoever you are."
"Sup, Im Jeff" said the bald man in front of Bob.
"Erm Hi Im Bob" he said, thinking the night couldn't get any worse.
Jeff sat down and Bob felt a bare foot rub up against his calf, he looked up at Jeff who was smirking at him. "So tell me about yourself" Jeff said, not removing his foot from Bob's leg but slipping his phone number in Bob's hand
"Well first off Im straight" he said jerking his leg away from Jeff's cold, yet hairy foot.
"Oh, well k then" said Jeff swiftly leaving the table leaving Bob sweating, wondering what other nutcases he was going to meet.
The 'experienced' one
A small woman sat at the table in front of Bob next. He stared at her wide eyed, he had never seen anyone like her this night.
"Can I help you Ma'am?" Bob said, not wanting to be rude to the woman in front of him
"Oh in many ways" she said, grinning at Bob. He swallowed hard, the woman in front of him was old enough to be his grandmother and she was hitting on him?!
Bob zoned out from the conversation after he was asked "What lube he likes the feel of best"
"OMFG! Your Bob fucking Bryar!!" squealed the girl, who pulled her chair round closer to Bob's side of the table. He groaned and put his head in his hands, another teenie.
"No Im not" he said, using the most lame excuse ever.
She raised her eyebrow at him, "I would spot you from a 50 mile radius" she said. The rest of the conversation revolved mostly around his 'solo career' about Gerard making his heart burn. At that moment in time Bob wished Jeff was back. The bell rang and the announcer spoke once more;
"Thanks for taking part everyone, hope you met somebody special. If not too bad"
Bob headed back home, thinking up many ways to torture Frank for putting him through one of the worst nights ever. He got home and found Frank sitting in the living room, eager to hear about his night.
"So how was it?" he asked, pulling Bob towards the couch.
"It was alright, I didn't find anybody but I got someone's number you would be great with" he told Frank.
"Bob your the best! Who is it?"
"Here you go, just ask for Jeff" he told Frank, giving him the number
"Jeff, weird name for a girl" said Frank going out into the hallways to call.
Bob laughed and kicked off his shoes, "I didnt say it was a girl" he muttered under his breath
After re-living one of the strangest nights of his life Bob found himself quite tired, but wondering whatever happened with Frank and Jeff