changing all that BBCoding to HTML is making me ill.
When we've finished and she's fallen asleep, I lay in the dark and watch her. The softly moonlit imperfections of her flawed features.
And I think, I win, Gerard.
2am. I'm in the graveyard opposite, relentlessly chainsmoking as if my life depended on it and looking out at the night. Clouds have gathered, obscuring the stars, and it pisses me off- I want to scream at them, because who are they benefiting by hiding these pinpricks of beauty? I opt not to, instead dropping my gaze to my shoes, highlighted orange by streetlighting.
I don't want to go home, to a lobotomized reality, and I cannot stay standing out here, too close to you until morning. Wind whips against the exposed wounds on my face. Momentarily cursing, I run my finger across my bust-up lip.
It only hurt for a second. And then the bliss of ignorance kicked in and I no longer cared about what they did to me.
I haven't drunk since. Well, maybe I have. Just a bit. Just a little bit, to ease the hurt. I'm almost sober tonight.
Of course you'd prefer her, the little bitch sticks her tits in your face, and that's it, I've been wiped from your mind. Finding you in there was
I'm sorry. Fuck, I'm sorry.
The first time you spoke to me, I was all you wanted. Now, I am sick of pretending. I glance behind my shoulder, across the road- the lights are off in your window (it's been that way for a while now) but it gives me some comfort to know you're lying in there, safe, warm, albeit with her.
The window opens and my heart stops. You lean out, breathe deeply, light up- there's a permanent reminder of me, your cigarettes, and I know for a fact that you cannot give them up. I watch the pale oval of your upturned face and bite down on the searing loss.
God, you are so very beautiful. Pixie smile. Why do I need stars from the sky when I can just look at your eyes?
You look down at the graveyard, survey the surroundings malformed by night shadows, spot me. We hold each other's gaze for the simple moment of a lifetime.
And you slam the window shut.