Ch.7; Shut Your Eyes, Kiss Me Goodbye
Ray rubbed Gerard's shoulder as he stared blankly at the scuffed floor. The best night in Gerard's and Frank's life quickly turned into the worst. Frank's motionless body was hooked to so many machines and he had so many needles sticking into him that Gerard's couldn't look at him without crying. Gerard still wore his blood stained shirt underneath a different one, only ever taking it off to shower, which he had only done twice since he and Frank had showered together.
Mikey had gotten a slight concussion and a broken nose while Bob was hospitalized. Not too long after Mikey and Bob had arrived at the hospital, Bob slipped into a very weak coma from the severe head trauma he had, but Mikey freaked out until he woke up. He was in ICU for a few weeks and now he stayed in a regular room, Mikey by his side, his arm badly broken and his head tightly bandaged. Bob had some internal damage too but nowhere near as much as Frank did from being hacked with a knife. Of courses all Bob cared about was if he would still be able to play the drums and was ecstatic when he learned his arm should heal just fine. The only time Mikey left Bob was to check on Frank which wasn't often or for long periods of time since Frank's condition didn't change.
Gerard spent most of his time in a chair next to Frank, holding his hand tightly and talking to him. Even though Frank was still in a coma, Gerard knew somehow that Frank could hear every word he said. Each day Gerard would tell Frank how everyone was doing, how much Gerard missed him, and most importantly how much Gerard loved him.
The only time he left Frank was when the nurses would change the needles or when Frank's mom showed up. He would always leave Frank when she came to visit him because he understood the pain she felt, for he felt it too. The pain of seeing someone you love, bruised, bandaged, and scarred everywhere; so many tubes and wires in them that you can barely tell where the tubes end and the skin begins; the whole time hoping they're not suffering. A pain so unbearable that it makes you want to rip yourself open and wretch your heart out hoping that you could slowly bleed the pain and hurt away. A pain almost worse than having a loved one die.
"You need to eat something." Ray told him quietly. "It's been four days and you're only getting weaker." Gerard shook his head slightly. "It wasn't a question." Ray pulled Gerard up and took him to the cafeteria where Gerard got a sandwich and coffee just to shut Ray up.
"I really don't want to eat." Gerard told Ray as they sat.
"I know but you have to eat something before you collapse." He said with concern. Ray always made sure Gerard took care of himself. He managed to choke down the sandwich even though it only made him want to puke more. He didn't even want his coffee which was not something a Way denied. "Don't lose hope." Ray told him when he noticed Gerard barely drinking his coffee. "He needs you to be strong for him."
"I'm trying." Gerard said holding back tears. "I just want to hold him again; to hear his voice; his laugh." Gerard told Ray, remembering the wonderful laugh Frank produced. It warmed Gerard every time he heard it because when Frank laughed, his eyes sparkled with true happiness.
"I know." Ray told him, rubbing his shoulder again. "Just continue to be as strong as you can." He told Gerard as he stood up and threw their garbage out. "Which includes eating on a regular basis." Gerard stood up and they headed back to the ICU waiting room. After about ten minutes, Frank's mom came in and told them she was leaving. Gerard nodded and went to take her place keeping Frank company.
The room was silent except for the soft beeping of machines and it was somewhat chilly which caused Gerard to shake a little as he walked in. He shut the door behind him then went to Frank and pulled the white blanket up to his neck so he wouldn't get cold. Gerard took his usual seat next to Frank and slid his hand under Frank's blanket to find Frank's hand. When he located it, Gerard clutched Frank's hand and began to talk to him about what it would be like if one of them was in a band. The without thinking, Gerard began to sing to Frank. Whenever he was around Frank, Gerard wanted to sing but was always too shy to do so until now. He finally lost the battle against himself. "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine." He sang quitely. "You make me happy, when skies are gray." A few tears ran down his face and were absorbed by the blankets. "You'll never know dear, how much I love you." Gerard tilted his head to the ceiling as though he was speaking to someone above him. "So please don't take my sunshine away."
Suddenly Gerard felt Frank's hand move in his. "Frankie?!" Gerard jumped up. Frank slowly opened his eyes about half way and Gerard couldn't help but let a few tears of joy escape. Frank managed a very weak smile and Gerard ran his hand down Frank's face. "No, no its ok. Just rest." Gerard said as he fluffed Frank's pillow a bit. "I'm right here by you and I'm not leaving." When Frank shut his eyes again, Gerard pulled out his phone and called Ray who ran into the room a moment later. "Shh!" Gerard told him. "He went back to sleep. He's really weak."
"But he woke up!" Ray hugged Gerard. "I told you not to give up!"
"Will you deep it down before you wake him up again!" Gerard told Ray with a slight bit of anger. Ray laughed a little as the old Gerard started to come back. Gerard made sure that Frank had his blanket pulled high enough and his pillow was positioned perfectly under his head so it wouldn't hurt Frank's neck. He sat back down in the chair and stared at Frank, his heart a lot lighter knowing that Frank's eyes were shut by choice; not because he couldn't open them.
Frank sat up to the best of his abilities. It had been a week since he broke free of his coma and Gerard could tell that Frank was still really weak. Every day he would get a little stronger but only someone that was around him all the time like Gerard was able to notice. Frank spent a lot of time sleeping which made Gerard a little upset be he understood. At least he was alive and getting better even if it was very slowly.
At the moment he was awake and talking to Gerard. His eyes looked heavy with exhaustion but he insisted on staying awake to talk. The doctors had managed to fix the punctured lung and stop the bleeding from not only his chest but his head and side. Now he had a large mark across his chest with about a thousand stitches and a heavily bandaged head. His waist was also bandaged and he had a good amount of bruising and small cuts. But he was alive and that was all Gerard cared about.
"There was, I guess you could call it a fork in the road, and I was standing at the meeting point of both paths. One lead to a warm light where all my troubles seemed to disappear. The other led to darkness where my heart seemed heavy and full of pain." Frank was telling Gerard what it was like to be in a coma. "I was about to go to the warm light when this, almost heavenly, voice started coming out of the darkness. I couldn't help myself. I just went towards the darkness, unable to stop myself, my ears drowning with the sweet voice." His eyes became distant as though he was remembering and Gerard focused on waiting for Frank to come back. "Suddenly I was surrounded by the darkness and I couldn't focus as it consumed me. I felt like I was falling down an endless pit when my body slammed into something. Then I felt you."
"Me?" Gerard asked with confusion.
"Yeah; like I knew you were with me, but I couldn't see you as the darkness trapped me. I fought and fought until I could physically feel your hand in mine and as I clutched your hand, the darkness started to disappear." He smiled sweetly at Gerard and Gerard felt his body melt. "You saved me."
"I wasn't going to lose you."
"Please sing to me again." Gerard stared at Frank with shock and a slight bit of fear.
"W-what?" He managed to choke out.
"The voice coming from the darkness; I knew it was you. I knew you were singing to me, calling me back to you." Frank stared at Gerard with large beautiful eyes and Gerard couldn't help but drown in them. "Please sing to me Gerard. Your voice makes me feel better." That was the breaking point. Gerard couldn't say no to Frank after that. Gerard sighed and cleared his throat.
"Y-you are my sunshine," he sang very quietly, "my only sunshine. You make me happy, when skies are gray." That's when Gerard lost control of himself. He began to sing louder and with more passion while remaining soft. "You'll never know dear," He rubbed Frank's face with his hand and stared warmly into his eyes, "How much I love you." Frank smiled and shut his eyes. "So please don't take, my sunshine away." When Gerard finished the song Frank had fallen asleep so Gerard kissed his bandaged head then pulled his blanket up to his shoulders. "Sweet dreams baby."
"You have an amazing voice."Gerard jumped and turned to see who spoke to him. Frank's mother stood in the doorway, half smiling, but her eyes were sat and vacant. "You and Frank...?"
Gerard looked at the floor, his face burning with slight embarrassment. He knew Frank's mom didn't know though he urged Frank to tell her, but he didn't want her to find out this way. Especially not when she was already exhausted from almost losing her son. "Yes ma'am." He said quietly.
"I guess I always suspected." She sounded angered and Gerard wished he was anywhere but that room at that moment. "Thank you for saving his life." Gerard slightly nodded but his stomach churned and tightened a bit. "But," Gerard felt like he was going to puke, not wanting to hear what was going to come out of her mouth, "I would like if you stayed away from him." Gerard's heart seemed to stop.
"W-what?" He choked out, trying not to cry.
"I-I just think it would be best for him." Her words stabbed Gerard over and over again.
"I love him. More than anything."
"Which is why I'm asking you to leave him be. They say that things you love you must set free." She looked at Gerard with a slight hint of satisfaction at her choice. "So please, set him free. Don't come back, before he is unable to give you up at all. He needs to be with someone more his," Gerard tuned her out, "his age. I'm sorry I'm doing this but I think it would benefit him." Gerard rushed past her and out of the room. He didn't stop to tell Ray what was wrong and he flung the hospital door open, his heart in pieces and his eyes spewing tears.
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