Cami thought GnR were some of the most influential people in the world, but when she gets a chance to meet them, they don't seem so special...
The host rolled and re-rolled the case with the postcards in it, and finally, he stopped and opened it, reaching in, he pulled out a card and read it… Lindsey Roads of Sacramento.
As expected, not me.
“And for all you girls who think you just lost your chance, hold on for just a second…” the host gleamed, “Because we have another drawing!”
My heart skipped three beats as the other girls screamed and squealed. It could be me, it could be me, it was- Cami Parker. It was me.
I couldn’t explain how excited I was. My mouth dropped open as the other girls ‘aw’ed and whined. I was going to get to meet GnR. It was too much for me to take in, which is probably why I fainted.
When I woke up, I was in my room with my best friend leaning over me. She immediately smiled and jumped up and down, exclaiming how lucky I was and how I had to tell her everything when I got back.
The rest was really a blur. I remember the next night getting ready, putting on my sexiest short, black dress (which my friend commented was perfect because of how slutty it looked) and dabbing on even sexier make-up. I tried to calm myself and not panic as the limo picked me up. It was great enough being in a limo, but where I was going was even better.
And finally, we were there. After the concert ended, they showed me what room in the hotel to go to, and I went there. As I stood at the door, my back stiffened and I tried to look cool and collected. Eventually, I knocked. The door opened quickly, allowing me to see the even-hotter-in-person Duff McKagan standing there.
“Oh, are you one of the girls from the contest?” he asked.
I nodded, showing him the pass.
He slid aside, allowing me to enter. I didn’t really know what to expect, but this definitely wasn’t it. They were all just sitting around smoking and drinking beers with girls on their laps.
Duff put an arm around me and turned around, “Everyone, this is Cami, one of the winners of the contest.”
Izzy barely put up a hand to wave, Slash simply nodded his head, and Axl didn’t seem to notice or care.
Duff walked over to a chair and sat me on his lap, turning to Axl.
“So, you up for the next concert in Toronto, man?” he asked.
Axl groaned, “As if. I’m already sick of touring.”
Slash picked up his vodka bottle and gulped down a pint or two. He didn’t seem much like what his image was. A funny, collected rocker who was extremely talented. It was known that he liked to drink, but the pile of empty alcohol bottles laying by him were enough to kill the average person.
Duff absently rubbed his hand over my ass, this time turning to Izzy, “How about you, man? You getting a little sick of the songs?”
He shrugged in response, “It’s a good album, it’s just annoying traveling around from hotel to hotel.”
Duff smiled, “The price of being famous.”
He continued feeling up my thigh, and as much as I tried not to, I kept flinching as he did it. It just didn’t feel right, it was like some freaky pervert was sexually harassing me. I convinced myself that it was just because I was a virgin, and I shouldn’t think about it, but the harder I tried, the more I wanted to jump away from the blonde. I took deep breaths in and out, looking around, trying to think of how lucky I was.
Duff blew out the smoke from his cigarette into my face. It smelled terrible, and I had a hard time not coughing. What was this? Were these guys really my role model?
Izzy stood up and smiled, “God, I’m bored.”
Duff smirked, “Iz, let me keep her.”
“Fine,” Izzy shrugged, “Jerk. I mean, I won’t take long.”
He nodded in response, “Guess that’s true, you don’t usually drag this stuff out much.” The bassist turned to me and smiled, “Go with Izzy, will you?”
Go with Izzy? I knew I had to, but I was worried. Where exactly was I going? I stood up slowly, trying not to be hesitant. Izzy gently took my hand and led me into an over-sized, dark closet.
He immediately started kissing me roughly, and while I tried to keep up, I didn’t have much experience. The pale older-teen grabbed my wrists forcefully and pinned me to the wall. I didn’t know what to do, I couldn’t scream, obviously. Izzy was too strong to push away, but I didn’t want him touching me like this. As he started kissing down my neck with his rough lips, I wished I hadn’t worn this way-too-reveling black dress. I wished I hadn’t tried to look so much older when I got ready. I wished I hadn’t come.
When he started sucking at my chest, I found some strength to choke out a plead, “P-Please stop…”
He seemed to ignore me, continuing to suck at the tender skin.
“P-Please stop! I’m a virgin, please-“
Izzy looked up for a second, “Unfortunately, we’ve been taught not to care what the extras think. Being a rockstar is like war, if you think about what you’re doing or feel guilty, you won’t survive.”
Tears welled up in my eyes, “I don’t want you to!”
Once again, he was back to ignoring me, sinking his nails deeper into my wrists. How had I ever looked up to these guys? I had wanted to meet them so much.
I tried to keep my head up and not look down as he stripped me of my dress and bra. I didn’t want to think about what my mom would think if she found out. She would be so ashamed, and for what? I wasn’t strong enough to say no, that’s what.
Izzy continued in stripping himself and kicked my shins, making me fall to my knees.
He grabbed a hold of my hair and clutched it in his hands. Ignoring the tears flowing down my cheeks, he thrust my face forward so that it was right in front of his cock. I shook my head and tried to pull away, but all that did was make him clutch me harder.
“Suck it,” he spat out at me forcefully.
As much as I resisted, he ended up forcing me to, and soon I was choking as I refused to swallow. He pushed my face in more, leaving me no choice. I slowly opened my throat and swallowed, trying not to give him the satisfaction he wanted. After multiple moans, he seemed to be done hurting me in that way. Instantly after he had released, though, he was pushing me down on the floor.
“Please stop it! Please!” I shook my head as I tried to scream out the words. I kicked like crazy to get away, but it didn’t help.
“Shut up, bitch!” he yelled as he slapped me. My cheek burned, but there was nothing I could do. I tried to close my eyes as he pinned me down, sweaty and breathing quickly. Soon, he was inside me, while I choked at my own tears, wanting to be dead. Rape used to be a joke to me, not anymore.
Izzy put his face by my ear, “The rich and famous always look so much greater than they are. People think that if we make good music and look good then we must be miracle workers.”
I shut my eyes tight and tried to lose feeling, but it didn’t work.
“Please stop…” I whimpered.
Izzy shook his head, “For us, it’s just the moment that matters. I want to have sex right now, so I am. You’re losing your virginity and could get pregnant, but it doesn’t matter to me. I’ll never see you again.”
There were probably girls out there right now, people like me, who were sulking because they weren’t picked. As if. There was nothing good about these guys, they were just alcoholics who treated woman like objects.
Finally, he got off and laid by me, panting. I couldn’t move, so I just sat there and cried. Harder than I ever had in my life. And while I couldn’t grasp a strong hold on what had just happened, I knew that my life was going to be ruined because of it.
When the limo took me to my best friend, Ana’s, house, my make up was running and I was wearing an oversized T-shirt over my ripped dress. I staggered into the house, keeping as much balance as I could.
The second she saw the car, she came running out, ready to hear everything. She was smiling and hopping when she came to me.
“Cami! Oh my god, what happened? Were they as hot in person?” she asked happily, “Ok, tell me about them.”
“In a few words,” I started quietly, “They’re druggies who just drink and treat women like objects. And I don’t know where the fuck they get their inspiration for such great music from, but I’ll tell you right now, it sure as hell isn’t from real life experiences.”
After a second, she saw through the dark of the night to my messed up hair, runny face, and distressing eyes.
“Oh my god,” she gasped, “Oh no, something happened.”
My lip started shaking as tears welled up in my eyes. I didn’t want to tell her. She was my best friend, but I’d feel so ashamed of myself. So used.
Suddenly, I broke out in to tears and threw my arms around her, crying into the sweatshirt she was wearing.
Ana stroked my hair and tried to calm me down, finally taking me into her house and up to her room.
When we got there, I fell onto the bed and let my tears be absorbed by the pillow.
“Cami,” Ana whispered, “Tell me what happened.”
I shook my head and stuffed my face into the pillow. Five more minutes of crying, and I was out of tears. Her pillow was ruined, dark makeup stains covering it.
Finally, I looked up. “Ana,” I choked out, “He raped me.”
Her mouth literally dropped open. After only a few seconds, she stood up in anger, “Who? Cam, tell me which one it was. I will literally kill them.”
I shook my head, “No, I’m not telling you who.”
Ana’s eyes were filled with fury- absolute anger, “Cami, tell me who it was.”
I jumped up quickly, “No! I don’t want you trying to do something to him…”
“Why not!? He raped you! Of all the terrible things someone could do…and why would anyone do that to you? You didn’t do anything to deserve this!” she screamed.
“Still! It’s not his fault!” I screamed back, tears once again streaming down my face.
“How is it not his fault, he forced you to have sex with him! What kind of monster would do that!?”
“It isn’t his fault. He hasn’t been taught better, that’s what happens when you’re used to getting whatever you want.”
Ana stomped on the carpet, “So you’re letting him get what he wants again!?”
I just stared at her for a second, then started crying again. She didn’t understand. It was a bad idea to tell her.
Ana looked down, probably feeling bad for making me cry, “I’m sorry, I’m just so mad…I didn’t think anything like this would happen to you…” She looked up at me again, “The first thing we should do…is see if you’re pregnant…”
The thought hadn’t crossed my mind before, but now that it did, my whole body ached in fear. What if I was?
Ana agreed to go out and buy the test for me, so that if anybody saw her they wouldn’t know who it was for. When she came back, it took a while for me to actually agree to using it. I was to scared that it would show that I was.
Finally I did, and a little bit later we got the results.
“Honey, you need to tell me what happened,” my mom cried after all of my sulking, “I need to know why this is happening!”
I refused to, “I won’t tell you who did it.”
My mom started crying harder, “Baby, if you want an abortion-“
“I’m not getting an abortion,” I said, still not looking at her.
“But why not!? You’re still in high school!” she tried.
“I know, but no matter whose father it is, a baby’s a living thing, and I’m not killing it because I didn’t want to have it,” I replied.
I refused to let her keep talking, I wasn’t listening, anyways. I was just trying to think about all that had happened. It was hard to endure. And while I felt used and dirty, when I rested my head on my pillow that night, I knew I had done the right thing. I was having a baby.