Frank/Gee/Frank pov. my heart is pure blackness, I swear. That is, if I have a heart at all xD
Frank was ecstatic when he got the stitches out because it meant he was healing properly. He had to go through a bunch of tests that put stress on his heart and he was really happy when he learned that his results were almost back to normal levels. Frank's joy was killed slightly though when he told Gerard who just smiled and told him that was great. Ever since that night at the beach, Gerard hadn't been himself. They couldn't start anything for the band because Gerard was unable to focus on anything they came up with. When Frank looked into Gerard's eyes, he saw confusion and fear through the clouded covers over them. Frank began to feel like their relationship was falling apart because Gerard hardly talked to him anymore, he wouldn't goof off with Frank, and because Frank's chest didn't need to be bandaged anymore, Gerard really only touched Frank at night when they slept together because Gerard would hold him tight. All Frank could think was somehow he did something wrong.
It was the middle of the day and Frank sat on the porch, looking over the lyrics to the song 'demolition lovers' that Gerard had sung to him in the hospital, trying to come up with a tune for it. As he read the lyrics, he realized they were full of meaning and thought a semi-slow, soft tune would fit best so he started messing around with his guitar, thinking of how Gerard sung it. Ray pulled up to Gerard's house then joined Frank who just smiled and went back to his guitar. "What's wrong?" Ray asked worriedly as he sat down by Frank.
"Nothing." Frank said without looking up. Ray sighed then grabbed the guitar from him.
"What's wrong?" He repeated, slight aggravation in his voice. Frank shook his head and tried to get the guitar back but Ray held it out of reach. "I know you're lying." Frank gave up on trying to get his guitar back and stood up to go inside when Ray grabbed his arm and pulled him back down. "You're not leaving until you tell me why you're miserable." He said, staring at Frank with concern.
"Something's not right with Gerard." Frank told him miserably.
"Nothing's right about him." Ray joked but Frank just sighed then tried to go inside when Ray pulled him down again. "I'm sorry." He said, wiping the smile from his face. "What's different?"
"Ever since we went to the beach like two weeks ago and I saw the asshole who attacked me, he's been acting strange." When Frank looked at Ray, there was something odd about the expression on his face and Frank became confused.
"I'm sure he's just got a lot on his mind with the band and you getting better." He told Frank with a smile though Frank could tell there was doubt in his voice as he spoke, as though he knew something Frank didn't.
"We'll I'm starting to wonder if we can be together because he won't talk to me, he won't do anything with me, and every time I look at him I see someone else." Frank held back tears of frustration as he spoke because he was tired of trying to get through to Gerard only to end up at a brick wall.
"I'll tell you the same thing I told Gerard when we were unsure if you'd ever come out of the coma." Frank's stomach tightened as he remembered all of that. Gerard's voice pulling him back to life; his mom telling Gerard to stay away from Frank; the immense pain all flooded Frank's mind. "Don't give up hope. He'll get past this, you just have to be patient."
"Yeah well I don't know how much more I can take." Frank stood up and went inside before Ray could stop him again. Ray followed Frank inside and went to the living room while Frank headed to the bedroom to find Gerard.
When Frank opened the door, he was hit with a blast of cigarette smoke so he coughed a bit until he was able to breathe again and went inside. Gerard was propped up against his bed, smoking a cigarette, empty cartons surrounding him. "What the fuck are you doing?" Frank half yelled as he bent down to Gerard who stared blankly at the wall.
"Smoking; what's it look like?" He said as he lifted the white stick to his mouth. Frank had it with him and snapped.
"What's your problem lately?" Frank tried to get the cigarette from Gerard but Gerard clung to it.
"What's yours?" He snapped back. "You're always in my face!" Frank pulled back, a few tears sliding down his face as the words struck him harshly. "Frankie, I didn't mean-"
"What did you mean?" Frank felt like he had been stabbed all over again as he stared at Gerard with pain. Gerard reached for Frank's hand but Frank pulled away.
"It's just I don't feel good and you won't leave me alone." He said quietly.
"And fucking non-stop smoking is supposed to make you feel better?" He yelled at Gerard as he threw some of the empty cartons. "Well, Mr. Way, you want me to leave you alone?" Frank stood and headed for the door. "Fine!" He slammed the door behind him, crying as he made his way for the front door.
"Frank, what happened?" Ray asked as Frank stormed past him.
"It's over." Frank said as he burst out the front door.
"Where are you going?" Ray asked, catching up with him.
"Where I belong." Frank said, wiping tears from his eyes. Ray stood in front of him so he couldn't go farther.
"You belong here!" He said trying to turn Frank around.
"Not anymore." Frank tried to get past Ray but Ray had a tight grip on him. "I'm going to stay with my mom."
"Like hell you are!" He said, clutching Frank's wrist so Frank couldn't get far. "You know as well as I that she'll only make things worse." Frank knew Ray was right but at that point he didn't really care anymore.
"Well I have nowhere else to go and I'm not staying with him anymore since he told me to leave him alone." Ray sighed and looked at the sky then looked back to Frank.
"Come stay with me then."
"The last thing you and Melissa need is a waste of space to annoy you."
"You're not a waste of space." Ray said looking into Frank's eyes with sincerity. "And Melissa and I aren't together anymore so I could use the company." Ray smiled a little at Frank.
"I'm sorry." Frank said looking back at Ray with sympathy. "About you and Melissa."
"Yeah well it just wasn't meant to be." Ray let go of Frank and Frank stood there. "So why don't you come stay with me until something better comes your way?" Frank sighed then nodded so they got into Ray's car and went to his apartment. "Just make yourself at home." He told Frank, unlocking the door and letting him in. "I have to do something but I should be back in an hour or so." Frank nodded then sat on the couch when Ray left again, positioning his guitar in his arms to play it since Ray gave it back to him.
He started to cry slightly as he played, wishing his hands would play something else but they ignored his mind and continued what they were doing, his mouth joining in on the fun. "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy, when skies are gray. You'll never know dear, how much I love you. So please don't take my sunshine away." Frank choked the song out over and over, salty tears splashing against his guitar, until he lost his voice.
Gerard leaned his head against the bed, knowing he upset Frank, and continued to smoke the last of his private stash. He had no idea where Frank went but he heard him leave, Ray calling after him, and Gerard knew Ray would be back to chew him out for hurting Frank so he smoked the last of his cigarettes in hopes he would be in a daze while Ray yelled.
When Gerard heard footsteps coming towards his door, he shut his eyes and finished off the last cigarette. His door quietly opened and Ray went to him then pulled him off the floor. "Living room." He said so Gerard sighed and headed for his living room where he was greeted by Bob and Mikey. Gerard knew the intervention wasn't going to be the highlight of his day so he fell into a chair while everyone stared at him.
"Where's Frankie?" Gerard asked to break the silence.
"My apartment." Ray said sitting down. "He's staying with me for awhile."
"Why?" Gerard knew he upset Frank but didn't think it was that bad.
"He's really upset with you." To Gerard's surprise, Ray was calm as he spoke and his voice was gentle. "He told me you two were over." That drove a knife through Gerard's heart and he stared at Ray with pain. "It doesn't look like he's changing his mind either. I had to stop him from going back to his mom."
"We're not here because of Frank." Mikey said before Gerard could speak. For Frank to go back to his mom though, Gerard knew he really fucked up.
"Then why are you here?"
"It's about a few weeks ago." Ray said.
"When that boy was killed at the beach." Bob said when Ray put his hand up to Bob to tell him to let Ray explain it.
"Bottom line is we know that it was you." Mikey said bluntly and Ray sighed then rolled his eyes.
"What?" Gerard felt his heart fall to his stomach. "How?" There was no use lying.
"When Frank was upset earlier we started talking and he told me that you guys were at the beach that day and how the guy that attacked him was there. He told me after that you became really distant and that's what made him really upset. I assumed it was you who killed the boy because of what he did to Frank." Ray still remained calm as he spoke.
"Why the fuck did you kill him?!" Mikey burst, full of shock and disbelief.
"I didn't mean to! All I remember was feeling all this anger then blacking out, waking up in front of the sink washing the blood from my hands!" Gerard shut his eyes, picturing the bloody body on the floor. "Does Frank know?" He asked quietly.
"I don't think he even knows they guy's dead." Ray told him, slight relief flooding over Gerard. "You're just really lucky you didn't get caught."
"I still can't believe you killed him!" Mikey said, staring at his brother with worry. There was a long period of silence as everyone took it in.
"So what about the band?" Bob asked breaking the silence.
"What about the band?" Gerard asked back.
"Well with you and Frank, you know. It might make things awkward." Ray said quietly.
"Frank's upset with me but I'm not upset with him. He decided we were done, not me." Gerard said coldly.
"Things will still be awkward." Mikey said, leaning his head on Bob's shoulder. Bob put his arm around Mikey, his hand resting on Mikey's chest and kissed his head before looking back to Gerard. Gerard envied them a little for having such a successful relationship when he and Frank were barely together.
"We'll carry on like we would before this happened." Gerard said standing and going to his bedroom then returning a moment later with a notebook he had scribbled lyrics in. "How do these sound?" He asked, tossing the notebook at Ray while he sat back down. Ray picked it up and looked through them then tossed the notebook to Mikey and Bob. They read it over then all three looked to Gerard with amazement. "Well?" He asked with a smile.
"These are really fucking good!" Bob said, re-reading some pages.
"All we need is a beat and we're set." Mikey said, looking through the book with Bob.
"I can bring them to Frank." Ray suggested.
"He's already seen them." Gerard said pulling the sleeves of his hoodie over his arms. "I think he was working on putting music to the lyrics titled 'demolition lovers'."
"Why that one first?" Mikey said taking the notebook from Bob and flipping to the page with the scribbled title 'demolition lovers'.
"I sang it to him right before his surgery." Gerard told him quietly. "Well pieces of it."
"I should get back to Frank before he wonders what happened to me." Ray said standing and heading for the door.
"Ray?" Gerard called after him so Ray turned and faced him. "Tell him I still love him." Ray smiled.
"I'm sure he knows but I'll gladly remind him." Ray left and Gerard put his attention back on Mikey and Bob.
"So how are you two?" Gerard tried not to sound rude.
"Excellent." Mikey said, turning his head to Bob and kissing him.
"You staying here tonight?" Gerard asked, hoping they would say 'no'.
"Yeah we're staying all week." Bob said when Mikey pulled away with a smile. "Thanksgiving's Wednesday and your parents invited us all, remember?"
"Oh." Gerard said miserably as he stood up and headed to his room. "I don't feel good so please fuck quietly." He said as he passed them and went to his room, shut the door behind him, and began to pick all the empty cartons up. As he cleaned, Gerard found one of Frank's shirt so he laid on the bed and used the shirt as a pillow. "How can I sleep without you by me?"
When Ray returned, Frank was on the floor staring at the ceiling, lost in thought. Ray stood over him with a questioning look. "I'm a little afraid to ask, but what exactly are you doing?"
"Thinking." Frank mumbled and Ray sat down next to him.
"What cha thinking about?" He asked with a friendly smile.
"Gerard." Frank told him, continuing to stare at the ceiling.
"He still loves you you know." Ray said and Frank shrugged. "He'll always love you."
"And I'll always love him." He said quietly. "But relationships take more than love." Frank tuned onto his side, facing away from Ray. "More than one person's effort to keep it alive." Ray put his hand on Frank's shoulder and gently rubbed it.
"You hit a wall." Ray said calmly to Frank. "You'll get past it. Just give it time."
"I'm not going to spend my whole life waiting for him to return to the person I fell in love with." Frank sat up. "That's the problem with falling in love." A few tears ran down his face. "You just keep falling."
"Don't give up Frank." Ray said with desperation. "Even if Gerard isn't the one for you, there is someone out there who will give their life for you." Frank only cried more when Ray said 'Gerard isn't the one for you' because unfortunately Frank did believe his and Gerard's relationship was over. "Why don't you go to bed. You're exhausted and can use the rest." Frank nodded and Ray showed him the extra bedroom. He got a two bedroom apartment for situations like this since he always wanted to be available when his friends needed help.
"Thanks." Frank said laying down. "For everything." Ray smiled and tucked Frank in as though Frank was a small child.
"Anytime." He said heading for the door and turning the lights off. "Night Frank." Ray pulled the door shut and Frank shut his eyes, wishing Gerard's arms were tightly around him.
It was the night of their first show and after many long hours of rehearsal and fighting, they all believed they were ready. Frank and Gerard for the most part avoided each other as they did their role to make the band work.
The crowd roared as they played, Gerard's voice filling the building. Frank still loved listening to Gerard even if he hated Gerard for letting their relationship die. Frank had been staying with Ray for about three months, both greatly enjoying each other's company, and Gerard didn't show up once to try to fix things between himself and Frank. Ray suggested that Frank make the first move but Frank believed that Gerard needed to apologize and explain why he wouldn't tell Frank what was wrong.
When they finished, they all fell down on random furniture behind stage, breathing heavily and sweating profusely. "I've never been this exhausted!" Mikey said as he panted.
"I know! Not even at night when we-" Bob started when Mikey stuck his hand over Bob's mouth as Ray and Frank began to laugh. As they all caught their breath, a man who looked like a crazy hobo came in with a smile.
"You guys were amazing!" He said with a smile. "My bands not on for another hour and I was wondering if you wanted to talk." He said turning to Gerard. "I'm a singer too and I wanted to share some amazing things you can do with your voice and the microphone." Gerard shrugged then stood up.
"I'm Gerard." The man shook Gerard's hand as he introduced everyone else. "That's my brother Mikey, our bassist, and his boyfriend Bob who kills the drums." Mikey and Bob half waved as they both looked like they were about to pass out. "That's Ray, an amazing guitarist." Ray smiled then picked up a bottle of water and drank it in less than a minute. "And that's Frank, our other guitarist." Frank half smiled then used his tongue to play with his lip ring, aggravated that Gerard only introduced him as 'the other guitarist' after all they went through. "We're My Chemical Romance."
"That's a fucking amazing band name!" Mikey smiled as he shut his eyes, still laying on Bob who looked like he was going to die. Ray threw him a bottle of water and Bob smiled then drank half the bottle, Mikey finishing off the rest. "I'm Bert from 'The Used'."
"Well let's go Bert." Gerard said putting his arm around Bert and leading him out. Frank felt nauseous as he watched the two leave.
"You ok Frank?" Ray asked. Frank shook his head then got up and went to a trash can where he suddenly threw up. Reality had finally caught up with him. They Way Gerard pushed Frank aside and became very friendly with Bert who he just met meant that the two really were over and Gerard was moving on.
"Oh my God Frank!" Mikey said when Frank threw up again. Ray bent down to Frank and put a hand on his forehead.
"He needs to get to a hospital." Ray said to Bob and Mikey. Frank threw up a third time and became slightly dizzy.
"What about Gerard?" Bob asked as Mikey jumped off him to find the keys to their van.
"Fuck Gerard!" Ray snapped at him as he helped Frank up. Frank finally stopped having the urge to throw up but he shook violently as he stood so Ray and Bob held him up. They helped him to the van and laid him across the back seats while Mikey got into the driver's seat, Bob in the passengers, and headed to the hospital. "Just keep your eyes open." Ray told Frank who nodded weakly. He had no idea why he was suddenly becoming so violently ill. All he thought about was Gerard while Mikey drove until they reached the hospital.
Ray had to carry Frank because he had suddenly become so weak he couldn't stand. It was just like before. Indistinct voices yelling then everything going black until the only thing Frank could hear was Gerard's voice quietly singing 'You Are My Sunshine' as his memory used it as a last resort to keep him alive.