Ferard. just one page. I got really bored in school.
The pouring rain beat against the house as I went to my room leaving the whispers of 'will he be ok?' behind me. My head was clouded and I needed to escape the continuous hugs and tears of people getting in my face to say 'I'm so sorry'. If I didn't go to my room, I probably would have strangled the next person to try and talk to me.
Loosening my tie, I threw it along with my jacket to the floor, not caring if it wrinkled, and shut the door behind me to muffle the noise. I fell onto my bed and buried my face in the pillow, shutting my eyes and letting my memories drown me. The sweet voice I hadn't heard in days began to surround me, the memory of the first time we met consuming me. The first day I met him; the man I loved.
I was 8 am and I dreaded being at school; especially this early. On top of that, I had chemistry with the most monotone teacher you could possibly think of. Plank. Mrs. Plank if you want to be polite. I sat in the back corner of the room since I often showed up late or not at all. Today though I was stuck there because my fucking parents threatened me with the police if I didn't go for the whole day; something I hadn't done in years. They would call once every period to make sure I was in my classes. It was bullshit.
Ignoring the lecture on Lewis structure, I pulled my pocket knife from my ripped jeans and started carving the word 'REVENGE' into my desk because one day I would get it on everyone that's helped fuck up my life. As I was twisting the handle for the 'N', a tall, ghostly boy with long black hair walked into the class and handed a yellow slip of paper to Plank. "Welcome Gerard." She tried to sound cheerful but her voice only knew one tone. "Sit where you like." I turned my attention back to my knife while using my teeth to play with my lip ring in boredom. To my surprise, the new kid, Gerard, sat in the empty seat by me. Usually everyone did all they could to avoid me.
He glanced at the desk and laughed a little, pulling a notebook from his backpack. "What's so funny?" I rudely asked while Plank went back to her lecture.
"Small world." He said, drawing in the notebook rather than taking notes.
"What?" I said and as he looked at me, I was stunned at how amazing his eyes were. They were creepy yet extraordinarily beautiful.
"I take it you have an idea of what your life is, but it's not the same as how others perceive it." I had no idea what he meant and he smiled at my confusion. His smile was just as stunning as his eyes. "Rule breaker?" He asked and I continued to stare at him, lost in thought.
"I'm Frank." I said, folding my knife and sticking it back in my pants when I finally came back to reality.
"Gerard." He said, going back to his drawings. "I had to switch schools for being a rule breaker." Gerard said quietly and while I wished he would shut up, something about his voice made me want more so I decided he wouldn't be too much of a hassle to have a conversation with.
"What'd you do?" It was a far better conversation than the one Plank was trying to have on molecules.
"Almost killed someone." He almost sounded proud and I couldn't help but laugh. "I just got him into the hospital with a few broken ribs."
"What'd he do?" I had beat people up before, but never got them into the hospital.
"Couldn't accept the fact that I'm bi." My head suddenly screamed 'yes!' and adrenaline pumped through me.
"Me too." I said almost eagerly and he smiled. I have no idea why, but I turned my attention to Mrs. Plank, copying down everything that flowed from her mouth for the rest of class.
There was a knock at my door and I wiped my eyes as Ray walked in, closing the door gently behind him. "You ok?" He asked softly as he sat on the bed and pushed my hair from my face. More tears escaped my eyes and I choked a bit. "I know Frankie." He said calmly. "Everyone should be leaving in like," he looked at his watch, "the next hour or so."
"I miss him." I whispered as my vision blurred with salty tears. "I want him back."
"Me too." Ray rubbed my back to try and make me feel better but it was useless. My heart was in pieces and nothing would ever put it back together because a very large piece was missing now. "Everything will be different now." No shit. The man I loved was gone. Of course things would be different. We hadn't left each other's sight in years and now he would never return to mine. "But we'll get through it." Ray smiled as I continued to cry. He sighed, knowing my mood wouldn't change anytime soon. "I'm going to get you some water and Tylenol."
"Thanks." I choked again and he nodded, getting off the bed and leaving. My mind started to re-play the worst conversation I ever had in my life. There was no way I would have ever of been able to do it without Gerard.
"I love him." I said coldly, holding back tears. "And that's not going to change. For anyone." There was no way I would have been able to say that without Gerard holding my hand and keeping strong for me. "So consider me disowned." I said and my parents demanded that Gerard leave while I went to my room, crying at their ignorance.
Slamming my door shut, I pulled my pocket knife out and did the one thing I hadn't done since that faithful day I met Gerard. I slowly dragged the blade against my arms, warm red blood trailing behind the gleaming silver. There were probably five thin slices on my arm when my window opened, Gerard climbing through. I had forgotten that he could come through it; he had many times before.
When he saw me, Gerard ran to where I was sitting and pulled the knife from my hand, throwing it across the room. He then pulled his shirt apart and wrapped the strips around my arm to stop the bleeding. "Frankie;" he whispered, pulling me close to him and I cried on his shoulder, "don't hurt yourself baby." Gerard told me, rubbing my back gently. "You did nothing wrong."
"They're my parents." I whispered. "Why can't they accept me?" Gerard wiped my eyes, brushing away the tears while smiling warmly at me.
"We won't let them keep us apart." He promised me, still smiling warmly. "Come stay with me. My parents love you almost as much as I do." I couldn't help but smile. He helped me up and I held his hand tightly as we headed to the window when I stopped.
"I want to use the door." I said.
"But your parents-"
"Fuck them." I told him sternly. "I don't want to live with them; and I'm going to let them know." Gerard hesitated but respected my choice and we made our way to the front door.
"How did you get in?" My father snapped at Gerard. "Frank Anthony Iero! Go back to your room!" He got in my face as though he was going to hit me so Gerard pulled me back in anger.
"Lay one fucking finger on him and I'll kill you." Gerard spoke sharply at him.
"Get out of my house before I call the cops!"
"Gladly." He told him. "Come one baby." I nodded and we headed for the door.
"You're not going anywhere Frank." My mother told me.
"Yes I am." I said back coldly. "Gerard's my boyfriend. You can't accept him so I can't accept you." She was shocked by the way I spoke to her. "I'm not coming home either so don't leave the light on." Before we left, I pulled Gerard to me and kissed him then shut the door on my horrified parents.
Gerard pulled me close to him as we headed for his house. "It'll be ok." He said in a comforting voice and I nodded, hoping he would be right. I had just basically banned myself from my own house; my own life. "I'm proud of you." Gerard put his arm around me. "I love you." Three little words that I loved to hear roll off his perfect lips with such ease.
"I love you too." I smiled, knowing I had made the right choice.
"No more cutting?" He asked and I shook my head. As long as I had him by my side, I saw no need to ever do it again. He would help keep me safe.
I lifted my head, remembering the picture frame by our bed. Grabbing it, I smiled at the several pictures of Gerard and myself from when we were goofing off in a photo booth. That was my favorite thing to do with Gerard. Goofing off. My tears splashed against the glass as I stared at his heavenly face, wishing I could put my lips to his again. I would give anything to kiss him one last time. It wasn't long before the frame held a small pool of pain.
Clutching the frame close to my chest, I laid back down, crying some more onto my pillow. It was soaked but no matter how much I wanted to stop, the tears continued to pour out as though my eyes were faucets that were stuck in the 'on' position. My eyes stung and I knew they were red and puffy, looking like they did during the time we toured for our "Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge" album. I loved those years. Gerard was more gorgeous than ever.
Ray returned with a glass of water just like he told me he would. He set them by the bed where the frame once stood and sat by me again. "He's still with you Frankie." Ray said softly.
"It's not the same." I squeezed the frame tighter until it was almost cutting into me.
"It'll hurt for awhile." Ray said quietly. "But over time it will get better." I didn't care about time. I cared about now and knowing I was alone now. "If you need anything, let me know." I nodded as he stood and went to leave again. "I'll come back when everyone leaves." Ray left and I sat myself up, trembling slightly from completely losing myself. Carefully, I set the picture frame next to me then grabbed the glass and medicine, dumping a few pills onto my palm then popping them into my mouth, drinking the whole glass of water in a matter of seconds. I wanted the pain, the cloudiness, to go away. It took a moment to swallow it as I still choked a bit from crying. I hoped the water wouldn't just lead to more tears as I finally was able to stop.
Getting off my bed, I went to our, no my, closet and slid the doors open. The closet, bed, the whole fucking house was mine now since Gerard was gone. Inside, I pushed through the clothes and crap we had accumulated over the years until I found a small shoebox resting in the back. I grabbed it and locked the door to the bedroom so I could be alone. Slowly, I took the box back to my bed, sitting with it in my lap on my crossed legs. My mind drifted to the night Gerard and I found our destiny.
Something possessed Gerard to drag me from the bed in the middle of the night, then stick me into the car and drive me to the middle of nowhere. He half carried me up this hill, since I was still mostly asleep, where a single tree stood proudly. Gerard had a blanket with him too and he sat me next the tree, the blanket on the ground, and gave me a flashlight to hold for him. Obeying, I shone the light where he stood as he pulled a knife from his pocket and pressed it to the bark. After a lot of cursing, some cries of pain when he slipped, and some yells at me for moving the light, Gerard told me to look at what he did. I shone the light brightly at the tree and smiled when I saw "G+F" carved crappily into what I assumed was a heart. I didn't blame the bad job though because it was a tree he was trying to work with after all. Not to mention it was the middle of the night. Normally he was an amazing artist.
Gerard put his arms around me and rested his chin on my shoulders. "Now this hill is ours." He said, kissing my neck and I put my hands on his arms. I started falling asleep so Gerard pulled the blanket around us then leaned me against him so I would be comfortable. I was half on him, half on the damp grass. I gazed into the sky and realized for once how magnificent the stars really were.
"I was thinking," Gerard said quietly even though I was half asleep, "we should find a place to live babe." Confusion flooded through me as he remained calm and sweet. "A place where we can be together...forever..." I could tell he was falling asleep himself, "...just the two of us..."
"You're a hopeless romantic Gerard." I told him with laughter and he hit me in the side of the head. Gerard laughed too and I cuddled closer to him. "I'd love that." I said, shutting my eyes. "Then one day we'll get married and live happily ever after."
"Damn straight." He said with amusement.
"I'm glad you're not." We both laughed a little before drifting to sleep just as the sun began to rise and wake the rest of the world.
Setting the picture frame back on the table, I ran my hand along the cover of the box. My fingers slid gently under the top, my hands pulling it up and setting it on the bed. Inside sat the one thing I hoped I would never look at again. My hands only sat on the rim of the shoebox, my eyes staring intensely at its contents while my mind continued to wander. Gerard didn't know about this and to my slight relief, he never would.
I have no idea how long I sat like that but my body flooded with mixed emotions. My fingers moved inside and I carefully lifted the best thing I had seen in days. My mind began to clear, either from the drugs or just from sorting out my memories. Thinking of those special moments with Gerard was putting my heart at some ease. The last thing I had to deal with was still fresh in my mind. It happened only days ago, though it seemed like it was minutes, seconds even. As I prepared myself to replay the worst night in my life, I thought about my current predicament. "Staring down a loaded gun." I mumbled to myself before taking a deep breath and shutting my eyes.
He wouldn't tell me what was wrong, but Gerard was changing. He was becoming quieter and he was drinking as well as smoking almost nonstop. I begged him to tell me but he would just smile and tell me that everything was fine; he was just really exhausted from the band. Each day he would get a little worse and I would worry a little more. The gleam in his eyes that had always comforted me was pretty much gone and his eyes seemed vacant.
Then that night came. I had come home from hanging with Ray for the night. Gerard chose to stay at him and lay down, saying he didn't feel good. Something didn't feel right and as I made my way to the bedroom, my uneasy feeling grew stronger. Pushing the door open, I saw Gerard laying half over the bed.
I quickly ran to him, shaking him frantically but he wouldn't wake up. "Gerard? Gerard! Baby wake up!" I pleaded but he didn't move a muscle. I called 911 and went back to my futile attempts to get Gerard to respond. His skin was cold and I couldn't find a heartbeat. "Please Gerard." I began to cry, holding his hand and stroking his face. "Don't leave me."
The ambulance arrived and took him to the hospital where I was told they were too late. He had over dosed on pain medication, probably accidentally, and it over took his heart, resulting in his death. My knees collided with the tile and I cried, unable to even begin to imagine what my life would be like without my love by my side. I literally had to be carried out of the hospital from, even slightly medicated as I began to freak out, hurting myself unintentionally.
Ray took me to his house where he sat up with me all night since while I cried and cried, throwing up a few times because of it. He stayed up to comfort me and to make sure I didn't hurt myself again, especially since he knew of my cutting past. I did obtain a few gashes from accidentally slicing myself on who knows what while I was dragged from Gerard's lifeless body. I couldn't grasp the fact that he was gone forever.
The funeral, which was earlier today, was closed casket because I couldn't deal with an open one. To my amazement, my parents showed up. They only said 'sorry' but it was more than I ever thought I would get and I hugged them before they left, apologizing for our argument all those years ago, even though I was still at them for not accepting Gerard. I sat quietly between Ray and Mikey, Gerard's younger brother, while a priest recited some passage and the final good-byes were said. All except mine. I couldn't say good-bye because I didn't want to. I wanted it all to be some horrible nightmare that I would wake up from and have Gerard there to comfort me and tell me it was all ok. Of course it wasn't and I was alone.
"Frankie?" Ray called from the door, twisting the locked knob in an attempt to open the door. "Open the door Frank." He knew that I was not in a good situation, but I had no intention of letting him in. "Come on Frank. You're above this." He was trying to compromise.
I ignored Ray and continued to play with the gun in my hand, running my fingers along its smooth surface. I had it for emergencies, and as far as I'm concerned, this is one. "I'll break down the door!" He threatened but I continued to ignore him. I heard him leave then moments later more footsteps returned.
"Frank! Come on Frankie!" Mikey called to me. "He wouldn't want this."
"It was a mistake." Bob spoke now. "He would never leave you on purpose." I smiled, running my opposite hand along the gun as it gleamed from the light of the setting sun.
"Don't do it Frank." Ray warned me. "You still have us."
"I feel your pain." Mikey said quietly. "I know how you feel." No he didn't. Gerard wasn't the world to Mikey like he was to me. Granted they had a strong bond from being brothers, but Gerard and I were in love which was the strongest bond of all.
"We can't lose you too." Bob said softly. "Please open the door and let us help." I tuned them out as one last memory flashed through my mind, my finger sliding to the trigger and my arm raising so the gun was level with my head.
Gerard and I hung out a lot after that conversation in chemistry. We would eat lunch together, go to malls, the movies, and often I would end up at his house for the night. The more we hung out, the closer we became until we both realized our relationship was beyond just friends. I knew my parents wouldn't accept it and Gerard's parents assumed it all along.
One night, we were lying together on his bed, when Gerard said the most random thing to me. "Romeo and Juliet."
"Romeo and Juliet." He repeated. "We're like Romeo and Juliet. Two people madly in love who are forced to keep themselves hidden from most of the world." I laughed as I made myself comfortable.
"You're definitely my Romeo." I told him as he pulled a blanket over our bodies to keep us warm.
"And you're my Juliet." He laughed and I smacked him before sliding my hands underneath his back, using his body as my pillow. "My gorgeous, hot, sweet, perfect, Juliet." Gerard kissed me as we both slowly fell asleep.
"Please let us help you!" Mikey begged, snapping me back to reality. "We all need each other."
"Unlock the door." Ray told me, shaking the handle some more.
I looked back to the pictures of my baby and I smiled as I held the gun to my head. "You were right baby." I whispered, picking the frame up again with my available hand, laying it in front of me. "We're just a couple of star crossed lovers." I pulled the trigger, the gun falling to the floor.
It was then I realized that there was a note in the box since I wasn't dead. I lifted it from the box and smiled, the tears returning as I read it. 'Don't you fucking think about it' was written in Gerard's hand writing. He had emptied the gun that I didn't bother to check because I thought it was still loaded. He signed it 'love you forever and ever baby' and I tore that from the rest of the note then opened the frame, sliding it next to the pictures. "Forever and ever baby." I said, setting the frame back on the table.
I got up and unlocked the door then opened it. Ray flung his arms around me as all three expressed great relief. My heart seemed lighter as they stood around me. Somehow, at that moment, I knew that even though it would be hard, I would eventually be able to say 'good-bye' with the help of my friends; my brothers. Even though Gerard was long gone from this world, he was still making sure I was safe and taken care of. He was truly my Romeo, my angel, and no one could ever take that from me.
A/N--- So...yeah...boredom. Serious threat to people everywhere xD
hope you liked it ^^
review please. I love hearing from you guys after you read it. Makes me want to write more.