- Fabulous! Excellent chapter as expected.
My favorite line was, "Or, maybe, bite it off. Or pull it off." Frank and Gerard's conversation was also hilarious.
I really liked the way you made them seem so real with their thoughts and emotions because, let's face it, this is going to be major for their relationship. I definitely think you did them justice. One thing you have done flawlessly throughout the whole story is keep the characters believable.
I was also impressed by how quickly you updated. Yay!
This chapter does have one itsy bitsy point of confusion. I was pretty sure that in an earlier chapter you either wrote in the chapter or in the author's response section that Egan was a virgin. However, you wrote, "Something she said she’d never do again." That clearly says she did have sex at some point. It is very possible I just made the virgin thing up. I just need some clarification.
Keep it up! I loved it!
I almost forgot about the STD thingy! I have no idea how I noticed that. Is it sad that it might just be the way my mind functions?
Author's responseI noticed a couple mistakes I made too, so I'll go back and fix those after I next update, or maybe now. The first was, as you said, the status of Egan's V-card. I did indeed sau she is a virgin, and when I read your comment and saw that I went "HOLY SHIT!" and my eyes almost came out of my head. And then teh Gerard/Frank conversation, Frank is speaking when it's actually Gerard's turn.
I love that you are always so positive and uplifting. You're like the moms at kindergarten soccer practice or something.
(#) izziebella 2008-11-22well i just started reading this story and i really love the plot...My fave line was the same as shysmile's, "maybe, bite it off. Or pull it off." lol. I like how even tho gee and egan r togeather, theres still drama in the story...I have one suggestion tho...Maybe if you can, put a flashback in so that the "Something she said she’d never do again." line would make more sence? I think it would work well. But besides that i really love ths story, and i love the fact that its in 3rd person, rather than in gee or egans pov and how the narrator makes some comments here or there...it's a really cool story.
Please update soon!
Author's responseThere won't be a flashback, per se, but it will make sense in time. I've got a plan ;] Kinda like God or something, huh?
I like that line myself. Thank you for the sweet review!
(#) Shadow666Nin 2008-12-02this is just amazing, yah?
I love how everything just flows and it just.. REAL y'knw?
I feel like you make the characters real people and not just "fiction". I think this could actually happen.
I really love this.
Author's responseThank you so very much! The best thing for a writer to hear besides "We'd like to publish your work" is "This could really happen". It's such a high compliment. It means, no matter how fantastical you're getting with this, you've also made it believable enough for someone to relate. Thank you again.
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