It's not always easy to be a new girl. Especially when you think so much is going on...
I’m Katie and I just moved to South Park.
Tell us about your first day feelings and what has happened so far
This town is hell weird, not only was the teacher once a guy, but the principal is always high. Not to mention half the male population of the school is gay and half the female population is crushing on the gay population.
Take these two guys sitting in front of me; Stan and Kyle are there names. Stan has a girlfriend, Wendy, but he obviously has a hard on for Kyle. They’ve both got hard-ons for each other. They’ve been passing notes all of class and I saw that one of them was covered in love hearts. If that doesn’t reek of gay love I don’t know what does.
In any case, Stan might get the excuse he needs to break up with Wendy, I saw her hanging around with this other guy, Cartman is what everyone calls him, and they looked a bit to close to doing something that would mean betraying Stan.
Then there is the twitchy kid, Tweek, who’s sitting next to me. He was twitching like a maniac before though, I thought he was going to twitch right of the chair. Then this other guy, Craig, comes up and gives him a thermos of what smells like coffee and the guy instantly stops shaking, it’s not like it was even the drink which stopped him. Not to mention, I’m pretty sure I saw Craig kiss Tweek’s cheek when he thought no-one was looking.
Then there is Pip, Damian and Jade. That is obviously a love triangle. Jade is dating Damian and is obviously really into him, she’s all over him in fact, poor guy is probably having trouble getting two seconds to himself. Damian may be dating Jade but obviously likes Pip, I first picked up on it when he was making out with Jade but was staring at Pip. Pip, on the other hand, seems oblivious of the world around him, it’s like he has his own little personal bubble where his doesn’t notice anyone but himself.
That’s not to say there aren’t people who are willing to break free from these boundaries of society, oh no. The very gay Butters and the not so gay Kenny seem to be dating but more then once I have seen Kenny eying off Bebe. That’s right, Kenny might be bisexual instead of just gay. In any case, I don’t think anything will happen, Bebe is kind of-
Just at that moment Katie had her book ripped off her by Clyde who looked at it with what was obviously amusement.
“Give that back.” Katie said looking annoyed.
“Sorry New Girl, I was just interested to know what you thought of your new classmates.” Clyde said, flicking to the next page with the same amused look on his face.
The bell rang and everyone except Clyde and Katie left the room.
“Just give it back.”
Clyde chuckled and snapped the book shut, “Not until I correct a few errors in your book.”
“A few errors? What did I get wrong?” she asked with a frown.
“Most of it.” Clyde said, “Follow me.”
Katie followed Clyde out of the room, waiting to see what he thought was so wrong about her theories.
“You and Kyle were passing notes in class, yes?”
“Yes...” Stan said looking at Katie who was giving Clyde the ‘I told you so’ face. “Why do you ask?”
“What were you guys talking about in the afore mentioned notes?” Clyde asked.
“Kyle’s crush on this girl.” Stan said.
“‘This Girl’?” Katie said, inserting her own quotation marks. Clyde sighed.
“Who exactly Stan?”
“Don’t tell Kyle I told you... but... Carla.” Stan said
“‘Carla’?” Katie tried as they walked away.
“Oh no, there is definitely a Carla, I swear. The love hearts you saw were probably Stan being childish.
“Ok... so you disproved one of my theories, doesn’t mean the rest are wrong.” Katie said.
“Not easily dissuaded are you?”
“I suppose you could say that.”
Clyde nodded at her then walked off and she figured he wanted her to keep following him. They came to another locker room where there were several people all watching with some interest at what was unfolding in front of them. In the middle of the room Wendy and Cartman were yelling cutting insults at each other.
Clyde looked at Katie pointedly.
“There is such a thing as acting.” She said stubbornly.
Clyde sighed and walked over to the two fighting figures.
“What is it about this time?” Clyde asked
“He stole my geography assignment this morning because the fat-ass couldn’t do his own.” Wendy yelled looking ready to rip his eyes out. “Now I have to do the whole fucking thing again!”
“Don’t be such a pussy.” Cartman said, “Not my fault you’re on the rag.”
“I’m going to fucking kill you, you stupid fat-assed gay-wad.” Wendy screamed, obviously getting really fired up.
By the looks of things, Cartman was starting to get annoyed to. Several people were restraining the two of them.
“Believe it yet.”
“I’m not always right but I am positive about Craig and Tweek.”
“Are you really telling me that even though I disproved you twice you still think you are right?”
“I am positive.”
“Fine.” Clyde said with a shrug and motioned for her to follow him again.
This time they went outside to a few lunch tables that were outside. Sitting at one of the tables was Token, Craig and Tweek.
“Oh look, they’re sitting together.” Katie squealed quietly. “Aren’t they cute?”
“Aren’t they best friends?”
“Craig and Tweek have been best friends since fourth grade.”
“Ok then, explain the whole twitchy thing Tweek had going on before Craig arrived.”
“He suffers from acute paranoia and coffee addiction. Together it means that he can turn into a bit of a nervous wreck some times.” Clyde said. “Hi guys!”
“Gah!” Tweek yelled covering his head with his hands. Craig rolled his eyes and patted him reassuringly on the back.
“Hey Clyde, why are you hanging with the new chick, she was giving us weird looks this morning.” Craig said, flipping Katie off, without stopping his conversation with Clyde.
Katie looked appalled at this treatment but no-one else seemed to even notice.
“Just showing her the ropes.” Clyde said, “She’s pretty harmless, she is just getting to know everyone.”
“Right.” Craig said, flipping her off again.
“Need more proof?”
“Yes, I want to know exactly what is going on if I am wrong.”
“Fair enough.” Clyde said leading the way over to the other side of the playground where Damian and Pip were.
“Don’t think I didn’t see them Pip!” Damian yelled at him.
“Well I’m sorry for the way I feel.”
“Pip! You’re doing worse things to yourself then those guys who beat you up.”
“I don’t get what is going on.” Katie said to Clyde.
“Well... Pip is a self-harmer and Damian has been trying to get him back on track for the last few months... unfortunately, without much success. You must have seen Damian at a time when he had just spotted the scratches again.”
“That’s horrible.” Katie said putting a hand over her mouth.
Clyde nodded, “Let’s give them there privacy.”
“Yeah... we should.” Katie said following Clyde away from the two boys, who were now deep in discussion.
They came to a bench where Kenny was sitting with Bebe and Butters.
“This one I was really sure of.” Katie said.
“You were actually fairly close to tell the truth.” Clyde said. “Kenny and Butters are together, but Kenny and Bebe are also together and Bebe and Butters are together.”
“What do you mean?”
“Those three are the biggest sluts the world has ever created.” Clyde said, then added as an afterthought “Except Cartman’s mum perhaps.”
Instead of answering Clyde said, “Kenny!”
“Come here a second.”
Kenny jogged over to join the two.
“She wants to know what I mean when I say slut.” Clyde said.
Kenny grinned then suddenly grabbed her around the waist and pushed his lips on hers. She went to push him off but she seemed to have turned to putty in his hands. He finally let go and she stood up looking flustered.
“Oh,” was all she said. Kenny shrugged, then went and sat back down with Bebe and Butters.
“So... not going to fall for first impressions ever again?”
“Never again.” Katie nodded.
“Good.” Clyde said, handing back her journal. “So... want to get something to eat?”
“Sounds good.” Katie said, and they headed for the canteen.