- It's a bit hard to tell who's speaking when, but the formatting's good. The dialogue is a bit on the heavy side.
This could stand some description mixed in. What do the brothers look like to you? How are they alike and different? How old is the child supposed to be?
Certain parts seem repetitive. Were these chapters originally posted separately?
Elrond's sons are only mentioned in passing in the books. It might be cool to see the face-to-face of them fleshed out.
Ah... I get it. The girl is half.
- This is Chapter One of Twenty-one. There is more. I was not sure there was any interest. A lost is explained in subsequent chapters. Thank you for reading. Oh, and she is half-elven and one quarter Indrel. The last part is a secret. LOL
I know things are a bit sketchy in the beginning. This was my first fic. The writing has improved with Part II and III.
- I think you need to add more detail about the child. What's her reaction to these strange men? What's she thinking? The emotions portrayed here seem distant. A child in her predicament ought to behave in a far more upset manner.
By the way, authors who write good stories about children have one very useful trick, which is not often noted. They write the whole work from the child's perspective, not from an adult's. This causes the reader to make an immediate emotional connection with the child. Otherwise, the reader tends to view her as an intruder into the narrative. You might want to consider changing the perspective of the story. If she's the main character, she ought to be the narrator.
Author\'s Response: First off, thank you for reading and taking an interest. As there are only two chapters written here, you must have read one of them. Part I of this story is completed and comprises twenty-one or so chapters. There is much detail about the child in the subsequent chapters. I realize that it would be beneficial to the reader to tell the story from the girl's POV, however it will be come clear why I chose to not do that. There is more than what you have read so far that contributes to her lack of participation. I am actually working on the last chapters of Part II and have finished a chapter of Part III, so there is a lot I do not yet have posted here. The story is posted at another site, if you would like to read more. I am only posting here as interest dictates.I will warn you that this story does not move quickly. It is a study the upbringing of a child, and as such is not very exciting at times. I figure that explains the low interest.While I appreciate your suggestion, as I am over thirty chapters now, changing the POV is impossible. That is not to say it is not a good suggestion; just too late to take advantage of now.Thank you, again for the comment. I hope you will try the rest of the story.
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