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by death_by_chocolate 0 reviews

Lily makes a choice, but how does she choose?

Category: Harry Potter - Rating: PG - Genres: Angst - Characters: James,Lily,Snape - Warnings: [!] - Published: 2008-12-17 - Updated: 2008-12-18 - 530 words - Complete

-1TrainWreck
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways…

And yet is there this simple definition of the question, the dilemma, the paradox that love seems to be? For as much as she tries, she cannot bring herself to commit to him, with the strange feeling that she doesn’t quite complete what she feels for him.

Isn’t that unfair? Not only to him, but to her, because her heart (is it her heart?) tells her that it is not love, but somewhere below her heart comes a deeper disturbance when she sees his face, a small violet flame that vividly sends her shooting to the stars.

Figuratively, of course.

She now tries to find the boundary where figuratively turns into literally, where passion turns into love, but now she feels the same violet flame, perhaps this one with a little more blue in it, when she sees the face of James Potter.

What do these colors mean?, she wonders as she contemplates the place of violet and the place of blue on the color spectrum, and once again wishes she could taste on her tongue the feelings that she has when she looks at each of them.

Why this would help, she does not know.

When she chews on the ends of her fiery hair and wishes she could decide between writing her name intertwined with James or Severus, she instead decides to focus on writing her Potions essay.

Why it has the word Snapotter in it, no one can say.

After she has completed her musings on which is better looking, she decisively chooses James to be the better looking one, but there was just something about Severus…

As only she herself is privy to these inner struggles and battles that the violet and blue fight with each other, she cannot reveal upon her face what she feels when Severus gently brushes her shoulder in passing, or the sudden leap of desire when Potter seems to caress her name with his tongue as if it is a delightful sweet before it leaves his mouth.

She pretends that she is not a sweets person, but her sweet tooth leaves her gasping for breath.

As days become weeks become years becomes the past, Lily no longer knows whether it is James’ face she sees when she closes her eyes, or if it is still Severus, haunting her with his undying love.

Finally, she writes her potions essay, and her name is intertwined with James, because she has chosen blue over violet.

As soon as she has made this choice, she can taste the bitterness of blue, but she never finds out what violet tastes like.


A/N This is a giftfic for Lioness-of-Tortall-7. The prompt was: a oneshot about Lily's feelings for Snape, set in any time. The fic is more of a...series of thoughts/musings from Lily's perpective. Hope it is enjoyable for all of you, sorry it's so short. Please leave me some reviews! (I am a shameless review whore). And before you sue, the first line is not mine, it is from a poem by Elizabeth Barrett Browning. The title means "Perhaps" in Italian.
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