that I never gave a damn about the weather, and it never gave a damn about me.
Our steps were slightly off synchronization, at points her feet a little quicker than mine. Then I quickened to meet hers, and she slowed to meet mine. Our gates were reversed, once more. We never quite seemed to be on the same page. She jerked her head to the left to get the bangs out of her eyes, and I did the same.
The fall had a beautiful effect on this oasis of nature in the tall, titanium city. The leaves all turned to rich, warm colors, and fell with some poise to the ground. If you looked up to the sky you could see the clouds passing by anxiously. Their white had a small contrast with the gray sky, which did not bode well for the weather on our little stroll. Sure enough, the little droplets began their descent on to our heads.
She reached into her dark purple hobo bag, and pulled out her umbrella. When she opened it, it only provided a sheiled for her, leaving me in the rain. She chuckled, looking at my slightly damp self. "We should probably go inside to stop you from getting soaked." She suggested. The smooth tones flew into my ears and I said in response, "I don't give a damn about the weather, I came here promising you a walk in the park and you are going to get one."
"Well, obviously, the weather doesn't give a damn about you. It isn't going to lighten up anytime soon."
"You can stay under the umbrella, but Jules baby, we are walking whether you like it or not." I retorted, throwing her a grin. I broke out in a gallop, tugging her along by the hand. Suddenly, she stopped.
"No, Brendon. It's raining." She said, putting emphasis on raining by looking to the sky and the melancholy clouds. It struck me as peculiar,and made my heart beat with a slow pace. This was not her character. She stood alone under her umbrella, and I looked at her in a different light.
"Julia." I pleaded, exasperatedly and questioning.
"Brendon." She responded, with no wonder in her voice. Just flat, monotone and the beat in her voice that I fell in love with just gone. Was she annoyed? "You are acting childish."
"I am childish! It's part of my personality. It's one of the reasons you love me."
She just looked back at me as if I was daft. She knows the punchline, because she told the joke. But I'm not laughing. I sincerely don't understand.
"Y'know what, Bren? I am not having this fight with you about the stupid rain." She said, turning her back on me and began to walk away.
I called after her, "We aren't fighting over the rain. We are fighting because you..."
I took a deep breath considering what to say next, consider the consequences. How long I have known Julia. How much of my life has been spent around her. What it would mean if I lost her.
I never thought about not having her in my life.
"I've what, Brendon?" She said, taking angry steps back towards me. "What have I done?"
"You've..." I took a deep breathe to force the next word our of my throat. "You've changed. For no reason."
Her eyes dimmed slightly, as if she was recovering from a bullet wound from my mouth as the gun. I wanted to hug her, and kiss her, and
apologize for ever hurting my Julia. But she hurt me, and she isn't acting like myJulia. The birds sang out to accompany the backdrop of the rain.
"I have just realized that we aren't teenagers anymore, and I don't think you are ready for a mature relationship, you know? I am growing up. You've caught me. That's what I am changing into. An adult, and I want you to change with me, but I don't think you are capable."
"Well, you are right about the first part. We aren't teenagers. Three years ago, when you were nineteen, you swore to love me. Forever. And I swore to do the same, and I don't know when that statute of limitations ran out on that one for you, but I still intend to keep that promise, Julia!"
What had just spat through my gritted teeth surprised and scared me as much as it did Julia. Did I just say something so vicious?
"You aren't serious enough to move forward in this relationship."
My face fell and I put my hands into my pockets and felt for the small, black velvet box that proved how serious I was. How much I love her. My breaths slowed to a deadly rate and I exhaled strongly. It flew through my mind to hand it to her. Not out of love, to prove this girl more wrong than she already was. She was one awakening gone wrong, and I didn't want a diamond to make her love me. I wanted her to love me regardless if I was childish or not.
I had to remind myself to take another breathe back in as I contemplated what to do or say. This is the only girl who I have ever loved, and one day she just has a change of heart? I want to ask all of my doubts. I want to know if I can regain her trust. Have I done anything wrong?
Why should I have to regain her trust? She should be wondering if she can regain mine. I decided on just one question.
"If the world was ending, would you kiss me or just leave me?"
She was silent, shamefully staring at the sidewalk. Once she gained the courage to look at me I saw the tear streaming down her face along with my answer. An earthquake rippled through my body, a result of the years spent with Julia when it turns out she never loved me. Did she ever? Or was I just a placeholder until a more serious beau came around? I wanted to yell. I needed to scream.
"Just leave me." I managed to mutter, which was a feat in itself to get my vocal chords to comply.
Her tear blends in to the pitter-patter of rain. The rosy of her cheeks had flushed, and a misery wiped over her facade. She gave me one final hug. Not a half-hearted hug, not a pity embrace. She put her arms around me and I felt her choppy breathing as shecried. But I would not change myself for her, and I would not 'grow up' for the girl who wasn't who I feel in love with. I missed my Jules, but now she was just Julia to me. Eventually, she won't be anything to me.
I was finally under her umbrella, but I felt more cold than ever.
She turned on her heel, and walked away. Each step collided in a puddle, causing a minuscule tsunami over the walkway. Each step flooded my heart with void. As I walked away from the site of devastation, the ring in my pocket felt heavy. They say nothing is harder than a diamond, but have they checked my heart?
I know it's sad that I never gave a damn about the weather, and it never gave a damn about me.
No, it never gave a damn about me.