- A charity Quidditch match? I love it!
I'm all for single-line paragraphs for effect, but you could stand to glue some of those sentences in the beginning together.
The scene in front of Wheezes might be funnier if you said exactly what Harry did to the poster. Changed it to say "For a Good Time, Call?"
"defiantly not a joke" I think you meant, "definitely not a joke." You've got a few run-on sentences in here. No biggie.
Oho! And Harry doesn't get to blame the politically overactive Miss Granger for this one! It is the bane of his existence, the Daily Prophet! Delightful.
Why would Dumbledore support Percy? Percy was all for complacency and obedience; Dumbledore was not.
THE FOLLOWING COMMENTS CONTAIN SPOILERS FOR HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE!!
You might want to mention how Fudge got reinstated as Minister. He'd been compelled to step down.
You mention Dumbledore as if he is still alive. You should amend this or mark it A/U.
Author\'s Response: Fixed the beginning and the spelling error thanks for pointing those out. Also changed story to AU. My idea is that Dumbles supported Percy because he thought there was the possiblity of controling him and to maintain the status quo.Thanks for this great review I really appreciate it. :)
- I like the story. Always enjoy Harry tearing apart the WW and trying to establish a humanitarian government. However, as history shows, all good governments degenerate into despotism or totalitarianism as soon as "the people" think they can get something for nothing and all governments try to convince their people that they can have something for nothing (or that all their problems are due to some other group of people), so Harry is fighting a losing battle.
At the very least, I would like to see Harry have someone (preferably a female someone) at his side by now. HP is one of the few pieces of fiction where I think "the hero" needs a woman by his side. After what Bumbles did to him, he needs love in his life and your Harry does not have any love in his life.
- Not a bad set up of HOW harry would get in charge but I find myself more then a little disapointed the story ended so quickly. I would of liked to either read a little about the changes Harry would make, or in the very least a time skip down the road to show how things had improved.
- "Harry read the article with a laugh he wondered how long it would be before they were screaming for his head. He laid the paper aside and stood, time to get going he had people to fire and laws to change. He wondered just how many people he
could enrage in one day." Oh man, the blood-purity bigots are SO. SCREWED!!
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