Categories > Movies > Incredibles > The Incredible Change

The Beginning

by TheDarkestStar 1 Reviews

Dash takes protecting people to far when he gets a power that has been lock inside him for some time will he risk he life for his family or doom The Incredilbes to their death

Category: Incredibles - Rating: R - Genres: Action/Adventure, Horror - Characters: Dash Parr, Elastigirl (Helen Parr), Mr. Incredible (Bob Parr), Violet Parr - Warnings: [V] - Published: 2006/03/23 - Updated: 2006/03/24 - 279 words


  • The Incredible Change

    (#) Ithilwen 2006-03-24 03:21:54 PM

    This tends to be true: If the grammar/cap/etc in your summary and chapter titles is _perfect,_ you will get more readers.

    While your story is still intelligble, better grammar would make it much more expressive. You might want to consider finding a beta.

    Your first chapter should set the scene. It should either introduce or foreshadow the main conflict of the story. This conflict, I understand, has to do with Dash finding new powers and going a little crazy with them. As Dash is getting ready for school, is he apprehensive about his parents' new attitude toward his powers? Does he feel that his speed is not enough and wish he had more? Does he wonder if he can control it? Does he sneer at Violet, "Ha ha, you can barely control your force fields, but I'm a master with my speed!"

    It's not a piece of crud, but it does need some of the crud polished off it.

    Author\'s Response: thank you for your review Ithilwen you bring up great points yes i have alot to learn i am aware of alot of mistakes in this story but to come to one of my main points "finding a beta" i'm not sure what that means. Also "apprehensive" i'm afraid i dont know what that means either but overall i think i understand were your coming from i shall try to fix these things once again thank you for your review ^-^

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